at the end of the road

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by bel, May 30, 2008.

  1. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    had an awful night and day today re bobs agresion back again cos i cant get the hang of the chair to his liking this i know is typical ftd but he went mental shouted abuse to me in street big time i ended up geting out of chair and trying to walk up the hill to our house he is shouting get back in chair you have got to try it well fu--it leave the chair thats better limp up the hill got in made him a snack and drink then went to bed the things he said and the agression no one could stand he said sorry today but i have cried a bit we have talked a bit he says i will try harder not too get angry with you but bless him he cant help it then i feel guilty i said lets just focus on our daughter getting married in 2weeks after that
    love bel x
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Oh Bel...dont know what to say...just sending a virtual hug....hope tomorrow will be better for you.
    Love Helen
     
  3. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Dear Bel

    Look forward.
    Sending love
    barb & Ron XX
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    I`m sorry bel.
    You have been so patient with Bob and now you are so in need of support yourself and he is unable to give it.
    I do hope you will be able to get an air cushion and it will make the chair more comfortable for you.
    Love xx
     
  5. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    HI Bel

    What an awful time you must have had. The aggression, it really does get you down doesn't it. It really is the worst when you are out and about. My thoughts are with you Bel.

    For me its the shouting, swearing and punches etc. (Dad has never used fowl language to my knowledge before) but the air is certainly blue when dad gets into a strop.

    But forgive me Bel, I haven't read too much about your circumstances, but I presume Bob has had the aggression before - has it been a while since his aggression stopped. I am asking you because my dad is in a very aggressive stage and I was thinking/hoping that perhaps when it passes it may actually stop.

    Yesterday, I had to take mum for an xray and to say I've now got another few bruises is an understatement.

    Keep positive Bel.
    Love AndreaXX
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear bel

    Just much sympathy, and



    Hugs 7.gif



    Love,
     
  7. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Just sending best wishes, Bel - hope things are calmer now for you.

    Also for you Andrea - you are having a difficult time too.

    Love Jan
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    From my own experience with my mother, yes it does stop its turn in to screaming with rage she seem not to show it to me anymore , because she has more days at day centre so her frustration in not being able to express herself is just brought up in stamping with her Zimmer frame , mind you I have seen it when someone come around in authoty she does that . she so frail now that if she tried to hit someone she fall on the floor, Sad really to see them lose to ability to express herself in a contrastive way .
     
  9. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    Jan and Margarita

    Jan Thank you for that.
    Margarita, dad was screaming at me on Friday just before taking mum for her xray. Thats when he started to lash out at me because I was the one taking mum away from him. Althoug I'd spent a while talking to him about it, trying to get over that its only an xray and she'll be back soon. And, also telling him that he can come with us anytime, but he refuses to go to hospital because he firmly believes that its because mum first went into hospital that she became ill and no matter what I or mum says he doesn't want to talk about it.
    Love Andrea
     
  10. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello Andrea:

    It is so sad - there you are trying to help and you just get grievance for it. We all journey this path with different issues to cope with - but it is good to share.

    Take care Love Jan
     
  11. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    My Dad threw a tantrum the other week. He'd changed the TV to a blank channel and couldn't understand why there was no picture. We then suffered an hour of tirades about how someone had "interfered with the wires" (as usual, his paranoid obsessions about our "evil neighbours" kicked in), then it was "because the lamp is taking all the power" and it was mum's fault (the one not even plugged in), followed by an insistance that the little red light on the wall switch "had never been on before and it will all catch fire" (it's always been on of course).

    It reduced mum to tears - he wouldn't believe anything we said and, as usual, threw a temper tantrum because we (well, mostly I!) wouldn't back down.

    Wel also got the usual line about "I am fed up I will just p*** off and leave"

    By this time I was so fed up, angry and upset to see mum reduced to a state I just said "Well, go, on then, and go!"

    Well that worked! He could see I meant it - and I did. At that moment I couldn't have cared less if I never saw him again. He almost immediately backed down and went to bed and made up with mum. He was also very subdued and much less demanding the next morning.

    I think he was aware that a line had been crossed.

    I think a lot of it is, he can bully mum as an elderly lady who is small and frail, but he can't bully me - because I'm a lot bigger and stronger than he is for one thing.
     
  12. Ditto

    Ditto Registered User

    May 17, 2008
    45
    Cape Town
    Dear Bel,

    its so sad that this has happened to you. Last week I had a tray laden with hot soup and toast thrown at me! I reckon we just have to walk away sometimes and let our patients and loved ones throw their wobblies till they tire themselves out. Although I only go into the next room ( a mere 1 meter away) it does seem to help the tantrum subside a little quicker....

    I'm also sending you a hug..

    Take care

    Ditto :)
     
  13. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Bel,
    I am sending you lots of love and do hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.
    To try and give you a laugh -
    Put Bob in Chair set it on auto and let him have a ride down the hill.
    Lots of love
    Christine xx
     
  14. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Bel
    I am so sorry to hear your latest post. Things are so hard for you. Sending you a hug
    take care
    hendy
     
  15. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Bel,

    Things are tough for you just now...I'm sorry...

    Want you to know that I'm thinking about you and your situation..

    And sending you love and positive thoughts..things will work out..the longest lane has a turning...

    Lots of love gigi xx
     
  16. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    agresson thanks all

    he has only been agressive with me since dementia and i can understand why he is frustrared at what he cant say and do
    he is on his best behavior at the minute cos i said and i did not say it easily but i meant it i lve you but this new bob i hate we need to get to our daughters wedding then if you go of on one like today i am sorry but we need to split i cant take f-- etc any more felt and still do feel guilty i am felling more all the time that he will strike out and hit me the anger and hate in his eyes --he swears he would not im not frightend but his sister told me his dad used to hit his mum regulary
    love bel x
     
  17. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    aggression...

    Dear Bel,

    I'm sorry..I know nothing personally of aggression with this disease..but if it's becoming so serious isn't it time to get help..please...

    We know it's the disease..but that doesn't help when you're living with that sort of fear..

    You've come a long way..and given a lot of yourself in the process..

    Am sincerely hoping that there will be a solution here..

    and know that other, more experienced members will be able to give you the help and support you need..

    That doesn't mean I don't care...I do..

    I'd love to pick you up and put you in my pocket..and keep you safe..

    Bless you, Bel...

    love gigi xx
     
  18. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Dear bel
    We care about you both.
    Please, if you are scared, get help, please:)
    We send our love, I wish there was more we could do XX
    Barb & Ron XXX
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Dear bel.
    Dhiren threatened me and I got help.
    He is in an assessment ward. I`m not happy about it but we are working to get him home as soon as possible.
    Thinking of you.
    love xx
     
  20. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    gigi in your pocket sounds good to me

    thanks again all
    i have talked to our daughter yesterday about his aggression getting worse
    but i know there is not a lot we can do before the wedding on the 13th she has brought the wedding forword so bob knows whats happening etc i have to hope we can get to see our daughter married before bob kicks off again its changes in any way that start him off but thank god its only me he kicks off at so hopefully wedding wil be ok after wedding i hate to say it but i am going to ask for support big time visiting psycologist who is great says in an emergancy they will pull all the stops out but by then it is often too late
    i think its some of my fault i should not pretend to the out side world that i am coping well may be they would listen more
    love bel x
     

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