At the end of my tether...
- Thread starter Bunpoots
- Start date
Dad's slid off his chair at the hospital. He's not hurt but it doesn't bode well for a safe return home 
Had a long talk with one of dad's nurses yesterday. Dad was asleep again. I've hardly seen him awake in the last week although I've been assured they have been getting him up and trying to get him to walk. Unfortunately he is no longer able to take instruction so it seems that what has been achieved so far is as good as it gets. Rotunda transfers, no walking, but he is able to get out of his chair and fall. I expect he thinks he can still walk.
He's not coming home.
It's upset me more than I thought it would. I knew it was coming.
At this point I am very very relieved that he can self fund for a while. At least he won't be sent home with carer visits 4 times a day until SS decides it's untenable.
Hopefully he won't outlive his money.
I think he's on a downward slide. I hope it's weeks rather than months. Some days he can feed himself, some days he can't. If they want to put him on ensure I'm going to refuse on his behalf if I can. It's not what he would have wanted. It'll only delay the inevitable and he has no quality of life anymore.
Tears are close now but I haven't cried. We drank wine last night, but not in a happy way
He's not coming home.
It's upset me more than I thought it would. I knew it was coming.
At this point I am very very relieved that he can self fund for a while. At least he won't be sent home with carer visits 4 times a day until SS decides it's untenable.
Hopefully he won't outlive his money.
I think he's on a downward slide. I hope it's weeks rather than months. Some days he can feed himself, some days he can't. If they want to put him on ensure I'm going to refuse on his behalf if I can. It's not what he would have wanted. It'll only delay the inevitable and he has no quality of life anymore.
Tears are close now but I haven't cried. We drank wine last night, but not in a happy way
Having decided that dad has to go into the care home now, he's started to say he wants to go home. When he was home he used to ask me if he lived there, or where all the others where (he lived alone - although people were always popping in and out). Or where I'd been (he thought I lived there with him).
I know he can't go home. I wonder where he thinks home is?
I hate this disease
I know he can't go home. I wonder where he thinks home is?
I hate this disease
"Home" is probably a state of mind - a place where he can escape the confusions of dementia and can relax knowing that he understands what is happening and who everyone is.
Have you tried getting him to describe it?
Have you tried getting him to describe it?
No @canary, I haven't asked dad to describe home. I'm thinking of asking someone to ask him that question when they do his assessment. I'd love to know the answer but think he might think it's a weird question coming from me.
Wherever he thinks home is he always thinks I should know anyway. Sometimes I don't have a clue what he's talking about so I just nod and smile or make sympathetic noises and hope it's appropriate!!
Wherever he thinks home is he always thinks I should know anyway. Sometimes I don't have a clue what he's talking about so I just nod and smile or make sympathetic noises and hope it's appropriate!!
Instead of saying "what is your home like", try saying "tell me about your home" - I think it likely that he wont think it is odd.
Thinking of you @Bunpoots xx
When I ask Mum to tell me about home, she can’t really. The closest she gets is saying “everyone’s there” which I interpret as being a wish to be with family (mostly long gone).
Really hope your dad is able to settle down in a comfortable home-like environment.
It’s so hard, isn’t it? Sadly, you know his actual current home wouldn’t feel like ‘home’.....
Sending you (((hugs)))
Lindy xx
When I ask Mum to tell me about home, she can’t really. The closest she gets is saying “everyone’s there” which I interpret as being a wish to be with family (mostly long gone
).Really hope your dad is able to settle down in a comfortable home-like environment.
It’s so hard, isn’t it? Sadly, you know his actual current home wouldn’t feel like ‘home’.....
Sending you (((hugs)))
Lindy xx
How did it go with your MRI scan? My SIL has lots of aliens (so far benign) - has had to live with them for years and had various surgeries to remove them when they get too big, so has MRI's every 6 mths to ck on them. Has had one removed from her brain but has 2 more lurking...had a huge one removed from her kidney last year. Can't say I know what you are going through, but I do know how it affects my SIL and her family - thoughts and prayers - hope it all went well.
Wish I could give you a proper big hug @Bunpoots but you’ll have to make do with a virtual one.
Maybe your dad just wants out of the hospital, hence saying he wants to go home. In a way, it might be a good thing that he is going straight into a home and not back home, for however long or short a time, before it becomes a necessity or crisis and you may have to deal with his non cooperation which will make it harder on you. This way you can blame the hospital and drs, he needs to go to help him get stronger etc., anything to help deflect the blame from being placed on you. I don’t think I’ve put that very well, but I think you know what I mean.
Maybe your dad just wants out of the hospital, hence saying he wants to go home. In a way, it might be a good thing that he is going straight into a home and not back home, for however long or short a time, before it becomes a necessity or crisis and you may have to deal with his non cooperation which will make it harder on you. This way you can blame the hospital and drs, he needs to go to help him get stronger etc., anything to help deflect the blame from being placed on you. I don’t think I’ve put that very well, but I think you know what I mean.
You put it perfectly @Rolypoly. I k noW that's what I have to do. I need to decide what to take into his room to make it seems as much like home as possible .
So far I've only come up with the TV and some copies of photos...
I don't think my dad recognises his home and I doubt he could tell me what he means by home @Lindy50. So sad
I'm not certain but I suspect dad is having TIAs as he seems to be losing his abilities quickly now.
Thanks for all the hugs. They do help
So far I've only come up with the TV and some copies of photos...
I don't think my dad recognises his home and I doubt he could tell me what he means by home @Lindy50. So sad
I'm not certain but I suspect dad is having TIAs as he seems to be losing his abilities quickly now.
Thanks for all the hugs. They do help
When you are deciding what to take to his care home, remember that you dont have to take it all at once. Take whatever is necessary to begin with and you can always add to it.
For mum I took a favourite bedspred, a few photos (yes, do copies) and a couple of soft toys that she liked. Later on I discovered that I could take furniture too (If it will fit in her room, she can have it in her room, was their motto) so I replaced a chest of drawers and her bed-side cabinet with her own ones and added a few of her pictures, but it probably wasnt necessary and TBH, I was most likely doing it for me so that her room looked nice
For mum I took a favourite bedspred, a few photos (yes, do copies) and a couple of soft toys that she liked. Later on I discovered that I could take furniture too (If it will fit in her room, she can have it in her room, was their motto) so I replaced a chest of drawers and her bed-side cabinet with her own ones and added a few of her pictures, but it probably wasnt necessary and TBH, I was most likely doing it for me so that her room looked nice
Following the essentials as in clothes, shoes etc, I took photos and that was it to begin with, but until the day my mum went into a home I wasn't aware that she wasn't coming home again. Following the first rush, I took a family album of photos, that gave us a common interest to look at and talk about when I visited. Once he's there and you are visiting, things will pop into your head as to how you can make his room feel more homely for him. I even got my mum a safe for her room in the end. You will work it out given time. X
I'll take his small chair if there's room for it and his bedspreads if they allow that and I think I'll take his electric razor. I don't think he can use it anymore, or do much of anything now.
He can't read - he could before he went in to hospital..
I took dad enough clothes to last 3 or 4 days when I saw him on Friday. Sister visited at the weekend. Yesterday she brought all his clothes back in hospital laundry bags. So now I have 3 pairs pjs, 4 shirts, 3 pairs trousers, vests and socks to wash and iron and get back to him this afternoon. (I'm not ironing the socks - my mum used to)
Dad is currently in hospital gowns
He can't read - he could before he went in to hospital..
I took dad enough clothes to last 3 or 4 days when I saw him on Friday. Sister visited at the weekend. Yesterday she brought all his clothes back in hospital laundry bags. So now I have 3 pairs pjs, 4 shirts, 3 pairs trousers, vests and socks to wash and iron and get back to him this afternoon. (I'm not ironing the socks - my mum used to
)Dad is currently in hospital gowns
Just had a call from the social worker. She wants to meet me on the ward tomorrow to discuss dad's discharge. What normally happens? And what should (or shouldn't ) I say?
I have a respite carers grant that will pay for about one week in a care home and I would like to use that. I know he's unlikely to come out but should I tell social worker that?
I have a respite carers grant that will pay for about one week in a care home and I would like to use that. I know he's unlikely to come out but should I tell social worker that?
