At the end of my tether...

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
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Nottinghamshire
Even if it’s the bees knees, look at all the homes on your list and put in order of preference, just in case.

It is the bees knees! And they have 2 rooms to choose from in the dementia area.

I've visited other homes that smell awful (this didn't) and where PWD are all kept in one room so the distress of one soon spreads to everyone. Here I was shown a quiet room so that distressed residents can be taken at mealtimes and given one to one attention til they calm down. At other times it's there or their own rooms.

I saw a Carer patiently following an exhausted wanderer and trying to persuade her back to her room for a nap.

Staff turnover is very low so the residents see familiar faces and the deputy manager would like to work there until she retires. She said hello to all the residents we encountered and knew them by name and habits

It's not fancy. It's clean, well laid out and has a community feel about it.

I wish I'd heard of this one when my mum and my aunt needed care homes.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
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It is the bees knees! And they have 2 rooms to choose from in the dementia area.

I've visited other homes that smell awful (this didn't) and where PWD are all kept in one room so the distress of one soon spreads to everyone. Here I was shown a quiet room so that distressed residents can be taken at mealtimes and given one to one attention til they calm down. At other times it's there or their own rooms.

I saw a Carer patiently following an exhausted wanderer and trying to persuade her back to her room for a nap.

Staff turnover is very low so the residents see familiar faces and the deputy manager would like to work there until she retires. She said hello to all the residents we encountered and knew them by name and habits

It's not fancy. It's clean, well laid out and has a community feel about it.

I wish I'd heard of this one when my mum and my aunt needed care homes.
Oh this sounds so so good. Especially the quiet room, and the carer patiently following the exhausted wanderer. This sounds great, especially with the community feel. with love, Gxxxx
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
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I trust you put his name on the door of one of those rooms :). Have you looked at any others on your short list? This can also help affirm that you are choosing the right home, as well as having a back up should it all go pear shaped.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
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Nottinghamshire
I've only seen this one so far. And it does feel right. I'm going to look at others but, from what I remember of the other places (it was a few years ago but still same group) I think this is the one. It's homely and it sounds as though dad's behaviour wouldn't phase them. The deputy manager spent over an hour with us today talking things through and showing us round :)

Obviously they would have to assess dad but he's really not fit enough to give anyone any trouble :(. I think they'd take him.

They don't have fancy brochures or even a very impressive website but I actually find that comforting. And it's less expensive than the other places so his money will last a little bit longer.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
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Cotswolds
The care home sounds great @Bunpoots :)
My mum is in one that sounds a bit similar - nothing fancy, but lovely staff, good home- cooked food and just enough activity. Several lounges too, so that residents can sit in the most appropriate room for them.
It's a good start, I have my fingers crossed for you!
Love
Lindy xx
 

Angela57

Registered User
Jan 22, 2016
195
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Hooray!! My dad's been put on a section 2. So they'll have to be responsible now :cool:
Well done for holding out and making your concerns for your dad heard! It's such a shame that we have to battle hard for odour vulnerable PWD's. I hope your knee is still better than it was, and that you and your sister find a suitable home for dad, although it's looking like you may have already found it.

Ang
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
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Kent
Hooray!! My dad's been put on a section 2. So they'll have to be responsible now :cool:
Thank goodness what a relief and again...how great that the GP kick started with sending him back to hospital. I hope things progress more smoothly now and well done for your grit and determination. Our battles are hard fought and sometimes won with this dreadful illness.
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
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Well done for standing your ground, it must be a relief and bring some breathing space. I hope your sister and brother appreciate what you have done!
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Hooray!! My dad's been put on a section 2. So they'll have to be responsible now :cool:
Oh that’s great @Bunpoots - not that they think your dad needs sectioning as such, but for what it implies in terms of their responsibility.
Hope you and your sister have a good day and that you can agree on a home.
Oh, what a relief....:) xx
 

Herewego

Registered User
Mar 9, 2017
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M.I.L. was crying in the back garden to the neighbour that she had been locked in and that her son was being nasty to her. Also said she hadn't seen a soul for ages, even though we see her every day ! M.I.L. rang the S.W. and told him the same hence the big row on Tuesday. Asked nurses at hospital what was happening with M.I.L. and was told that S.W. was arranging respite for her, news to us !!! There will be a meeting apparently that we will be expected to attend but as S.W. will be there and we have put in a complaint about him we don't want to speak to him ! We don't need respite now we will need it when hubby has his amputation in October. Can we have respite more than once a year ? Off to sit by M.I.L's bed now to try hard to have a conversation with her. Might as well watch paint dry for all the good it does either of us. Hubby can't visit as got upset tum , think it's nerves more than a bug. It really upset him having the police called.


Oh BLIP - sorry to hear about all the issues with the SS! So reminds me of when we were looking after MIL!! My husband referred to them as the SS (as a reference to war time). They moved her from hospital without telling us at all (even tho' we would visit regularly) to a care home and then after we had made changes to our home and were planning to bring her to live with us (with a self funded care team in place) they tried to stop us saying she would only live a few months and was very frail. She did move in with us and lived for a further 18 mths and I know her QoL was much improved! Both the care home and ss also lied to us in an effort to make us leave her there - she was allowed to lay in bed all day and although incontinent was not in pads so wet and smelly every time we visited - we just couldn't leave her like that!

Now with my OH also suffering with dementia, I dread having to deal with SS again!
 

BLIP

Registered User
Jul 22, 2018
66
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Thanks for your replies. It's brought tears to my eyes!!!

I know you're all having a hard time especially canary. I understand the need to withdraw into yourself @canary - I do the same. I hate to whinge but that's all I seem to do at the moment.

I could do with a nice box of chocolates instead of the crumbs @Shedrech !!
(Except I need to lose weight!!). I don't argue with dad, just go along with his version of things but he always thinks it's only a little water and it'll soon dry. The smell gets me down.

Yes @Rolypoly I hate incontinence too! I gave up childminding a few months ago so no more wet patches on the sofa I thought ...o_O.
I've bought a kylie for said sofa now.

I have to get dad to the GP at 11am on Tuesday. What's the betting he thinks it's the middle of the night?!

Off to fetch dad now. Hope daughters don't decide to kill each other as the chickens are chasing the rabbits... again :eek:

It's a madhouse!!!


Oh the joy of cleaning up a parent who is incontinent but insists when I pick up her dirty pants ' it wasn't me '. Same as the poo on the bathroom floor is the dog ' she hasn't got a dog ' but if we don't laugh we cry don't we fellow sufferers.? I guess with the SW taking m.i.l. To respite I'm having a break from all that. Not making the situation any easier to deal with though ! Take care Bunpoots you're never alone with T.P. and you and your dad are in our prayers.