At the end of my tether...

[love.dad.but..]

Your dad and you have been let down by the hospital...he should not have discharged back to home with visiting carers with his lack of ability to do anything on his own fraility and vulnerability and someone at the hospital has not done their job either in referring him to be assessed properly or at all. All of us who have had to take the care home decision know how hard it is but it is taken with kindness in recognising it it is the pwd best interests and it is the same for you. You have done a wonderful job keeping your dad safe now is the time to have a team and support around your dad and you. We have all had those tears...the frustration...the sadness at the realisation a home is needed now..the anger at the dementia..trying to keep all the balls in the air...mental and physical exhaustion...the list goes on...so many reasons for the tears to eventually come and I send you a virtual box of tissues and hug.Thank goodness your GP was so concerned.

 

[Bunpoots]

I haven't decided where I want him to be. I'm going to look at options next week. I have to finish a property for new tenants this weekend. When that's done I'll take a couple of days off to have a look round.

 

[Bunpoots]

There was a time when people in hospital, who were considered at risk , were assessed at home to make sure they could live safely and independently but with support.

Has that time gone?

Dad had that assessment done a few weeks ago and it was decided he was OK, but he wouldn't pass now. I doubt he'll recover enough to live alone anymore.

This was before he went to hospital and the GP referred him to the OT team. I thought from what a nurse said to me that the same would happen when he left hospital. I think someone decided to cut corners. Dad was just discharged with no input, aftercare or extra support. Just a new prescription. I am disgusted

 

[Bunpoots]

And I was given the impression that if I didn't fetch him they'd just "arrange transport" and dump him at home anyway!!!

Is that even legal??

 

[BLIP]

Wrote a long message last night but it seems to have disappeared into the ether Not been able to visit M.I.L. for 2 days due to hubby being ill with stomach bug. Rang hospital weds and M.I.L. was fine. Hubby went yesterday to find a stranger in M.I.L's bed. ! Staff told him she had been taken to respite on weds and S.W. told staff they aren't allowed to tell him where she's been taken. One of the staff could see how upset hubby was and told him his mother had been taken to Kidderminster which is nearly an hour away from us and her home. At the end of our rope with the damn S.W. How can he be so cruel to M.I.L. and to hubby ? M.I.L. hasn't got any clothes with her, all she had in hospital was nighties and slippers. Anybody any ideas on how to get past the S.W. and find out where M.I.L. has gone. She will be very distressed she keeps telling S.W. and her so called advocate that she wants to stay in her home with her son looking after her. Seems to me that the powers that be make things up as they go along to suit themselves and their box ticking no matter how much distress they cause the PWD and the family, in this case their is only my husband and me. End of rant for now folks.

 

[BLIP]

And I was given the impression that if I didn't fetch him they'd just "arrange transport" and dump him at home anyway!!!

Is that even legal??

As per my message they seem to do what they like and ****** anyone's feelings. Especially the PWD and family. And yes they can just dump him at home I'm afraid. I've seen it happen, sometimes at stupid O clock in the morning. Hope you manage to get things sorted to your satisfaction and dads happiness.

 

[Bunpoots]

Help! I've just had a call from the discharge nurse. They want him out again. Now!!! Trying to delay.

 

[Lindy50]

Help! I've just had a call from the discharge nurse. They want him out again. Now!!! Trying to delay.

Insist on a care needs assessment @Bunpoots . They’d have to do it if he weren’t self funding, and he has s right to it. Point out there’s already been one failed discharge. Say you CAN’T reassess his care needs yourself (which they’re effectively asking you to do).
Stand firm! We’re all right with you @Bunpoots
Love
Lindy xx

 

[Duggies-girl]

Help! I've just had a call from the discharge nurse. They want him out again. Now!!! Trying to delay.

Sorry no help here but I do hope that it gets sorted out for you and very quickly. It just all sounds so awful for you and something that you could do without. You do more than enough already and it is all very unfair. Thinking of you and your poor dad.

 

[Sarasa]

@Bunpoots - Ridiculous they want him out when it didn't work before. Anyway you can get hold of the on the ball GP and get him fighting your corner. I hope you manage to delay the discharge till there is a proper assessment of your father's needs.
@BLIP - That sounds like a nightmare. From what you've written before things were getting tricky with your MiL, but the SW seems to be handling this in a very high-handed way, and not taking your views into account. Hope you get it all sorted soon.

 

[Grannie G]

Tell them you will not accept responsibility @Bunpoots because your dad is too vulnerable. If they discharge him without an assessment and the approval of his doctor they will be responsible if he comes to harm.

 

[Bunpoots]

They've just told me they'll have to put him on a section 2 if they have to keep him in. I bet that's why they want me to take him home again.

I've told them I'm not happy

 

[Lindy50]

They've just told me they'll have to put him on a section 2 if they have to keep him in. I bet that's why they want me to take him home again.

I've told them I'm not happy

Well, surely if they need to section him to keep him in, this in itself indicates he’s not safe alone at home?!!!
Honestly I know they need beds but this is disgraceful. My advice would be not to accept responsibility for his care at home. Assure them you’ll get a self funded care home place and that should keep them at bay for a few days...
Lindy xx

 

[Bunpoots]

I will fight. I've told them I'm really not happy with his treatment. That he was far better before he went in hospital and I think they could offer more treatment, like physio and just give him time to get some strength back.

He's had a stroke!! When this happened to my aunt 6 years ago she was in for a lot longer. Yes she ended up in a care home but they didn't look at her as a hopeless case and throw her out with the rubbish.

I hope they do section him. Then they'll have to take responsibility

 

[Lindy50]

PS I still think he should have a SW assessment....

 

[Lindy50]

I will fight. I've told them I'm really not happy with his treatment. That he was far better before he went in hospital and I think they could offer more treatment, like physio and just give him time to get some strength back.

He's had a stroke!! When this happened to my aunt 6 years ago she was in for a lot longer. Yes she ended up in a care home but they didn't look at her as a hopeless case and throw her out with the rubbish.

I hope they do section him. Then they'll have to take responsibility.

Your last paragraph- my thoughts exactly xxx

 

[Bunpoots]

I'm so mad I can't even go into the hospital today for rear I'll either cry, or swear or bite someone

Well maybe not bite...but my teeth are itching!!!

 

[Bunpoots]

And I'm insisting they speak to his GP who had him re-admitted

 

[Bunpoots]

Bunpoots, you need to consider (in the short time you have) and face the fact that he may not improve. I don't mean to sound harsh but there may be no option but to find a care home place a.s.a.p. You may not know either way whether his health will ever improve (and with dementia it is very unlikely) and neither will the hospital. Sending mental strength to add to your own, though when I hear stories like this and that this is still happening to others, my energy is more Klingon than Vulcan.

I know that and I will be looking asap. Only problem is I'm in the middle of getting a property ready for new tenants this weekend and I can't afford to lose them. I know that sounds bad but an empty house isn't just zero income - it actually costs money and I've given up most of my other work to look after dad.

Timing is everything

I'm rapidly becoming more Klingon as this day goes on...

 

[Lindy50]

@Bunpoots have the hospital even spoken to your care agency? They cannot assume that both you and the Carers are simply there at the drop of a hat!!!