At the end of my tether...

[Amy in the US]

Bunpoots, I'm glad the GP is caring and concerned. I hope this gives you a little space to figure out what's next.

Don't be afraid to refuse discharge if it's too soon again. They've had one failed discharge, they won't want another, and don't be shy to tell them so!

You sound very stressed, and no wonder. How are you doing?

 

[Bunpoots]

I'm ok @Duggies-girl @Amy in the US . My head's in a whirl!!! I'm at work at the moment so haven't seen dad since last night. Not likely to get to hospital til tomorrow either.

I couldn't avoid work today.

 

[Rolypoly]

Hopefully that will give you some breathing space @Bunpoots and more time to make decisions.

It can all get a bit much sometimes, I hope you get some time to think straight.

I second this.

Maybe the next discharge could be direct to a care home to see how it goes.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Hurrah for the sensible GP. Unless he stabalises dramatically and unlikely with multiple needs a move to care home sounds probably in his best interests.

 

[Angela57]

I know it's easy for me to say, because my parents are in homes now, but I recall the many problems you and many others are experiencing.

Between cleaning my carpets, I used to spray with industrial dog/cat kennel cleaner. It's mostly fragrance free, but has the germ/bacteria killing element too. It did eliminate the pungent smells.

 

[Bunpoots]

Thanks @Angela57 I'll have to get something like that.

Yes probably care home next. His lovely carer has said she will go and assess dad when he's discharged to see if she thinks it's safe for him to come home. If, and it's a big if, he is it'll have to be with an increased care package.

 

[Angela57]

You will be on tenter hooks while waiting for an outcome.

Until then, try to take care of yourself too. I hope you're dad gets the care he needs in a home, and you get peace of mind knowing he's safe and well looked after.

Take care

 

[BLIP]

Ten years ago my dad found himself in a similar position @BLIP. He had been getting mum out of her wheelchair by holding her arms and getting her to stand up. She used to bruise very easily and fingerprint bruises on the arms can be caused by abuse. SS were ready to put her in a home until one of the nurses asked dad to demonstrate how he helped mum to stand up...if that nurse hadn't had a bit of common sense my dad would have been labelled an abuser!!

I hope someone who understands that everything PWD say cannot be relied upon comes along soon.

It's awful how he's being treated. You just need the right person.[/QUOTE


Hi Bunpoots its me again with a rant coming. Didn't think things could get much worse but boy was I wrong. Hubby went to visit his mother in hospital today, he went all the way there in his electric wheelchair to find a stranger in her bed.! Wait till you hear this ! His mother was taken to a respite home on weds 40 miles away. Staff told not to tell him where she's gone. 1 nurse took pity on him and told him Kidderminster but that's all. What must poor M.I.L. be thinking ? Basically that we've abandoned her ! We couldn't visit for 2 days due to a stomach bug and they took advantage of our absence ! At the end of our tether now, don't know how to find out where she's been taken to ? She's got no clothes just nighties ! How can they do this ?

 

[BLIP]

Anytime @BLIP, anytime xx

O.M.G. didn't think things could get any worse but I was soooo wrong ! We couldn't visit mum in hospital for couple of days due to stomach bugs. Husband went this afternoon to find a strange woman in her bed. Told by staff that his mother went into respite on Wednesday 40 miles away ! They would only tell him it was Kidderminster but not allowed to give him the full address on the orders of the damn SW. How must poor M.I.L. be feeling, she must think she has been abandoned by us ! She had no clothes just nightwear. How can they be so cruel. Don't know how to go about finding out where they have taken her and if we are still not allowed to see her. Upset and damn angry to say the least

 

[Lindy50]

O.M.G. didn't think things could get any worse but I was soooo wrong ! We couldn't visit mum in hospital for couple of days due to stomach bugs. Husband went this afternoon to find a strange woman in her bed. Told by staff that his mother went into respite on Wednesday 40 miles away ! They would only tell him it was Kidderminster but not allowed to give him the full address on the orders of the damn SW. How must poor M.I.L. be feeling, she must think she has been abandoned by us ! She had no clothes just nightwear. How can they be so cruel. Don't know how to go about finding out where they have taken her and if we are still not allowed to see her. Upset and damn angry to say the least

This is out of order !! Did you write to the SW manager, @BLIP? If not, I'd do so now......extraordinary
Lindy xx

 

[Lindy50]

@Bunpoots I'm sorry your dad's in a bad way.....three cheers for a sensible and proactive GP !!

Hopefully as others have said, your dad may be able to move direct to a care home. He should get an assessment while he's in hospital to help you find an appropriate placement. They should also be able to advise on whether CHC funding might be available.

Thinking of you. (((Hugs)))
Lindy xx

 

[Cazzita]

@BLIP, that is just not on! How couild they do this?? It beggars belief, it really does. Hope you complain loudly and get some answers soon. Unbelievable!

 

[Bunpoots]

@Carmar and @Lindy50 i think I'm starting to buckle under the worry. Hopefully dad's need will be taken more seriously now he's been a failed discharge.

I was shocked on Tuesday when I got the call asking if someone could fetch him from hospital. The day before they'd been talking about transferring him to a specialist hospital about 15 miles away. I expect they decided he's too old to bother with.

Dad and I discussed what treatment he would want and the sorting of treatment he would have been given at that hospital would have been what he didn't want. This is all written in his H&W POA which they weren't interested in seeing .

Dad was managing wih 3 visits a day and someone popping in at teatime to make sure he was ok. But he was still (sometimes) going to the loo for a wee and always for a poo. He could get up off the sofa and get himself a cold drink. We made him hot drinks and so did the carers. He could get in and out of bed independently, although he didn't always go to bed. Sometimes slept on the sofa. Carers made him breakfast and encouraged him to wash and clean teeth etc, gave him hot lunch and left a sandwich for later. They made sure he was wearing dry pull-ups..he was still semi independent.

Now he can do nothing, so he was discharged with 3 visits, which I immediately upped to 4, but he has to be helped off the sofa, given instructions on how to sit down, stand up, straighten his legs, stand tall, walk...he's not eating, he's being fed spoonfuls of yogurt, he's fully incontinent, but at least he's still drinking - although sometimes he'll just up end the cup and tip the juice on the floor

I don't think he's safe to be alone.

I've got by by being emotionally blank for weeks/months and managed to cope with things which I know should upset me by pretending to be Vulcan!
People I've spoken to expect me to be upset and I'm not. They must think I'm hard. But this week tears are very close to the surface, at the most unexpected moments.

Sorry. I'm waffling! I'm so grateful to have you all to talk to. Keeps me sane!!

 

[Bunpoots]

@BLIP I don't know what to say! You must be frantic with worry!!

If you have the strength - kick up a fuss! I bet the press would be interested in this. It beggars belief

 

[Grannie G]

I don't think he's safe to be alone.

Neither do I. I cannot believe your dad was sent home to live alone in this state. What happened to independent assessments? Have they gone too?

 

[Bunpoots]

I don't think they did an assessment! And they certainly lied about his ability!!!

You're all helping me with the decision I need to make about him going into care. I know it's time

 

[Grannie G]

There was a time when people in hospital, who were considered at risk , were assessed at home to make sure they could live safely and independently but with support.

Has that time gone?

 

[Lindy50]

Dear @Bunpoots
I know this is a really hard decision to make ( even though in a sense you’ve already made it).
Is there a hospital social worker who can talk you through options? They used to be the focal point for proper hospital discharge.....
Anyway take time to get the right place where your dad can settle and be cared for..... and you can relax, knowing he’s safe.
Sending you (((Hugs)))
Love
Lindy xx

 

[canary]

You're all helping me with the decision I need to make about him going into care. I know it's time

((((((hugs))))))
Getting to that stage is perhaps the hardest part.
Do you know where you would like him to be? If not, use this time while he is in hospital to do a recce

 

[Rolypoly]

@Carmar has spoken very wise words. I know it’s not what you want for your dad and you would like him to stay in the familiarity of his own home, but I don’t think this is possible anymore. He is a different person to a few weeks ago, he no longer has the same degree of independence and now requires more care than you and the carers can provide. It is a tough, heart breaking decision but his well being needs to the priority. You, as a one woman band, can only do so much. It is time to pass the day to day caring over to a care home, in your heart of heart you know it is the right time.

Sending love and loads of hugs, oh and a box of tissues for when the flood gates open.