At the end of my tether...

[Shedrech]

definitely not worth getting stressed, that's not good for either of you
I remember dad's consultant telling me the relationship between me and dad was much more important than taking one set of medication, so not to go to war with him over taking a pill
and yes, you can do pretty much what you want, but paid carers can only give meds covertly with specific permission from the GP, having checked with the pharmacist that it's OK for the meds to be administered that way (eg if they are slow release they shouln't be crushed or chewed)
wishing you a more settled evening

 

[Amy in the US]

Infections make my mother's behaviour go all over the place. Leave it to the carers and try not to stress (much easier said than done, I appreciate).

I'm so sorry!

 

[Rolypoly]

Oh @Bunpoots, I only popped in to see how things were. Sorry to hear the latest on your dad. If he’s not drinking etc then he’s probably dehydrated which will make him confused add that to confusion from an infection and you’ve got double whammy and double trouble. The care home sounds on the ball so hope all goes well there. I know half of you was expecting it and the other half hoping it wouldn’t come to it, but you know the time has come, alas, for his safety and also your stress levels.
Thinking of you and sending big (((((hugs))))).

 

[Bunpoots]

My gran had a saying "It never rains - but it pours!"

That's been my week:

It's a heatwave so my fridge freezer is playing up, fans broke, it sounds like a broken tractor!! (And I've got open plan living!!) part order on Friday - still not arrived

It's a heatwave so dad's not drinking enough - leading to the inevitable uti...
And refusal of meds

It's the first dad of the school holidays so I've got to deal with child and very very poorly elder. I'm going to have to drop off supplies and leave it to his lovely carers.

Home help is on holiday so I have to do dad's ironing and cleaning, not that he'd notice if he was wearing crinkled clothing

The one plus, if it is a plus, is that the 9yr old I'm looking after today is a good kid. His grandma is in much the same state as my dad and at 93 is the oldest gran (and I do mean gran, not great grandma) of anyone in his school
She too lives alone with carers going in but 70 miles away - so a long way for his mum to just pop in..

I think I'll visit the care home next week. If things don't pick up dad'll probably be in hospital by then. He'll need somewhere to go if he survives.

 

[BLIP]

@canary I've felt for a while that the care home is beckoning. But I think such stupid things, like what will happen to the fish that dad loved and cherished for so many years. He can't take them with him and I don't have a pond. I know that's not important, but it is, it's like losing another little piece of dad (and mum) I'm still hoping he won't wake up in the morning, he told me a while ago that was his hope .
He's nearly 90 and he's had enough!!
I didn't have to clean up today but I do have 2-3 loads of washing to sort out in the morning

@BLIP others nudity doesn't bother me. I'm afraid my response to the carer who found dad naked in the garden was "well, I really don't know what to do about that one!!" poo bothers me much more..
My dad owns his own house and he's not loaded either - and what would be the point in buying new carpets for them to be pooped on.

I have a naughty rabbit that poops in the kitchen - but I can just sweep that up!!

@Carmar dad is thankfully oblivious to the chaos that is now his life!! It reminds me a bit of very small children. They go quiet and one suddenly realised they shouldn't have been left alone
Up until now dad has only been urine incontinent but he is still mobile and double incontinence - if that's what has developed - combined with mobility, will be what puts him in a care home.

@love.dad.but.. My dad did the layering thing when it was cold. Maybe it's a reaction to the heat. Taking clothes off and jumping in a pond seems a fairly rational thing to do in this weather...but I won't

Oh Bunpoots what a **** 48 hours we've had. M.I.L. turned carers away because she was frightened of them. The day later the SW turned up mob handed with 2 more social workers. And her advocate. M.I.L. didn't want them in the house which I
said to them. They tried to force their way in and knocked me out of the way. I pushed back and he put his foot in door. Then threatened to call police so told them to go ahead. They went away for a while then came back with 2 cops. 1 went in living room to a shaking M.I.L. 1 kept hubby in hall. He wasn't allowed to comfort her. Next thing ambulance turned up and took M.I.L. to hospital. Police made hubby feel like a criminal. M.I.L. is now in hospital not knowing why she's been taken away from her son. SW gave the police the impression that he is abusing her and telling her hat to say. FFS M.I.L. May have dementia but she's still got an opinion and a right to say who comes in her house. She's an Ex teacher and can still make people feel like kids with her voice. Lol. Has anyone else had this experience or is it just us who have a bully SW . Sorry for the rant but don't know what do do now.

 

[BLIP]

Now I've decided the care home is inevitable I'm starting to panic about finances. If his house is sold he'll have enough to last him about 3 years. If we rent the house out his pensions and rent would bring in about £500 a week so he'd have to find another £100 from his savings to cover the care home costs so his savings will cover the shortfall for about 2 yrs but then we could sell and get another 2 years.

Do I think dad will live that long? Not really, but I didn't expect him to make it to 89...

Renting would be easier for now... If the care home has to happen

Lucky you finding a care home for £600 a week. Round here it's £1200

 

[Bunpoots]

Lucky you finding a care home for £600 a week. Round here it's £1200

It's one of the cheapest in the area but has the best reputation for dementia care. No frills!

What an awful experience for you all with the social workers. Have they no sense? I've had virtually no experience with SS but that sounds wrong to me!
I hope someone comes along soon with advice about what to do.

If you start your own thread maybe someone will be along to offer some advice. (not that I mind you posting on mine)

How is your MIL now? And how are you?

 

[canary]

How is your dad doing with the antibiotics @Bunpoots ?
I do hope he is improving.

 

[Bunpoots]

He's taking them for the carers @canary. Hoping for an improvement soon.
He was asleep yesterday when I went round.

 

[canary]

Thank goodness for that . Fingers crossed for an improvement soon.

 

[BLIP]

It's one of the cheapest in the area but has the best reputation for dementia care. No frills!

What an awful experience for you all with the social workers. Burkas? Really? For a white woman with dementia? Have they no sense? I've had virtually no experience with SS but that sounds wrong to me!
I hope someone comes along soon with advice about what to do.

If you start your own thread maybe someone will be along to offer some advice. (not that I mind you posting on mine)

How is your MIL now? And how are you?

When we go and visit in hospital she seems fine apart from forgetting everything that's happened. Not a bad thing a guess. The doctors are going to assess her on the SW advice. Couldn't see M.I.L. straight away as SW sat with her all afternoon. Goodness knows what he was saying to her and what lies he was telling about us, her only family ! If anybody is putting words in her mouth it's the SW. Putting in complaint about him ASAP.

 

[BLIP]

When we go and visit in hospital she seems fine apart from forgetting everything that's happened. Not a bad thing a guess. The doctors are going to assess her on the SW advice. Couldn't see M.I.L. straight away as SW sat with her all afternoon. Goodness knows what he was saying to her and what lies he was telling about us, her only family ! If anybody is putting words in her mouth it's the SW. Putting in complaint about him ASAP.

We find that when M.I.L is in hospital she makes us look like liars !! When at home she won't eat but in hospital she eats everything they put in front of her. We can't win. In a way I hope they decide she needs to be in a care home as that will take the decision out of our hands and give us a break. Hubby having second amputation soon so won't be able to care for his mom. He will need more care from me. Both of us will need a break from M.I.L. Hopefully we can arrange respite if nothing else ? As M.I.L. keeps wandering off in the evening and being bought back by the police hopefully it will be decided that she's not safe at home alone. Sorry for rambling on again but it's therapeutic to get things off my chest. I'm suffering PTSD after a bad car accident so trying to get help myself, but 2 yr waiting list for counselling I'm told I need. Maybe this forum will help. Thank you x
U

 

[canary]

@BLIP - where has the SW got the idea that your mum is being abused from? The reason I ask is that soon after mum was diagnosed and before she went into her care home she was accusing me of abusing her. If she fell against some furniture and bruised her arm she would show the neighbours this bruise and tell them that was where i had punched her, or grabbed her and shaken her . She never said anything like that to my face and I was astounded when I discovered what she had been saying. She was also accusing me of stealing from her. I was needless, to say, untrue, but she had become very paranoid

 

[canary]

Also adding that mum was wandering around at night very inadequately clothed too, so it sounds similar to my mum at that stage. Its really, really, common for them to do things for medical staff that they wont/cant do at home too.

 

[Bunpoots]

Definitely put in a complaint @BLIP. It does sound as though your social worker hasn't had much experience with dementia. My dad was very paranoid at one point and accused my daughter of stealing from him. Needless to say, she wasn't!

He also told all the neighbours that we were neglecting him and never visited. He wouldn't believe them when they said they'd seen us there everyday...so as canary says your MIL may have said something.

It may not be a bad thing if your MIL is put in a home by SS. You sound as though you really need a break!!

 

[Bunpoots]

It looks as though dad's going to be taken into hospital. I waited with him last night from 10pm - 2am for an ambulance to arrive as he'd fallen - not hurt. In the end me and my daughter got him off the floor using an inflatable stool and his zimmer, then I changed him and put him to bed.

He'd been on the floor for hours, wet through. I'm disgusted .
When we eventually phoned back to see why the ambulance was taking so long we were told they'd got no record of the incident- and this after they'd phoned back to tell me dad wasn't a priority so it would be a while.

I cancelled the ambulance- didn't want them ringing the bell and confusing dad even more in the early hours.

He seems brighter. He's taking his antibiotics but he isn't eating or drinking properly. I'm not so worried about the food, he's having bits and bobs. But not drinking enough in this weather, with a UTI is a worry. They want to put him on a drip. That should be fun - not!!

Carer is with him at the moment. He won't do anything- although he has got himself out of bed and into the chair next to it. But he's broken the window blinds. Probably stumbled.

I'm trying to get myself together to see him. I'm exhausted after being up most of the night.

 

[Izzy]

Oh @Bunpoots I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your dad is ok. Thinking of you all today.

 

[Bunpoots]

Oh @Bunpoots I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your dad is ok. Thinking of you all today.

Thanks @Izzy. I'll post more when I know something certain. He seemed to be improving but the nurse on 111 thinks antibiotics by themselves won't work if he doesn't drink enough

 

[nae sporran]

What a horrible night for you all, Bunpoots. Good luck with getting your dad to drink enough, easier said than done sometimes. Will he take pieces of fruit ?

 

[Bunpoots]

What a horrible night for you all, Bunpoots. Good luck with getting your dad to drink enough, easier said than done sometimes. Will he take pieces of fruit ?

He's spitting food out at the moment. He'll drink milky coffee and eat the odd yogurt or trifle. I bought him some grapes but he's not very interested. That's a good idea though. I think I'll make a salad of watermelon and cucumber or something like that and take it this afternoon.

They've just taken him into the local hospital. I suppose I need to take him a toothbrush