At the end of my tether...

[Bunpoots]

No cushion plumping carers. What would he have to moan about then?

I needed that little bit of good news. Dad has started sundowning. He was very frustrated this evening because he can't get through to any of us females (his words). And apparently I'm the worst - I'm like the mafia and he hasn't seen me all day (he thinks I live with him today).

I was there for almost 2 hours this morning

He was asking when my brother was going back. He hasn't seen bro for weeks. I haven't got a clue what he's thinking and he can't explain what he's thinking.

 

[Rolypoly]

Must be all that weight you are losing...turn sideways and you can't be seen.

Mum is prone to a bit of aimless wandering in the evenings. Not sure if it's because she starts on a mission and then forgets or whether she feels she should be doing something but has no idea what.

 

[Bunpoots]

Lol! I wish that was true...this time next year

I've been on 2 bike rides today - maybe I've got the urge to wander too - except I don't get lost!

Yes. I think dad's been on a mission for a couple of days now. He's in a really bad mood today which is something I've not seen for a long while. I suspect the CPN and I upset him trying to explain why he should wear his pull-ups . He had a major rant at my poor daughter!!

I wonder what we'll have to clear up tomorrow morning. It was cups, mugs and jugs of (sour) milk this morning

 

[Bunpoots]

I've just had a couple of days off caring for dad as my sister's been over for the weekend and taken over for me. She went home this lunchtime. I have to go and give him his tea. I'm dreading it!

Talking with the carpet shampooing daughter it transpires that dad's rant last Thursday was "I don't need any help etc etc..." So this doesn't bode well for him accepting the carers he's getting whether he likes it or not!!
It's either that or I can see a care home beckoning...

I wonder if I'm still in the mafia..?

 

[Bunpoots]

Oh @Bunpoots I think we are the mafia to my uncle too, we are 'not on his side' and various other similar complaints.. considering we are more on his side than anyone on this planet, but to us that means keeping him safe, and to him something else entirely..who knows what.. He wouldn't accept the carers either, was civilised first 2 days then realised they were still coming so became very uncivilised, and still the carer was coming so he just started shouting he didn't need then from the minute they approached the keysafe..

I can see that happening with dad. I've not seen him since last Thursday but he was off with me today. It's amazing what they do remember!!!

 

[Bunpoots]

Dad is now convinced that I live with him. This has been going on for about a week now. Before it was just odd days. So now I am normally greeted with "Where have you been?" or "you've been a long while"
If I tell him I've been at home he usually tells me I've been very quiet

He just sits around waiting to be fed, which happens as I pop in and out at regular intervals, but he's now started shouting for me when the home help's there If he needs help with something. I hope he doesn't expect me to be there all the time - it's not going to happen although I think in his mind it already does.

I'm planning the great escape. (a long weekend at the seaside) so with this in mind I've approached a local care agency and Saturday and Sunday mornings next weekend will be covered by carer's, not me..

If all goes well I'm going to increase the care visits gradually as (if) Dad is accepting of carers. Right now he's getting visits from the district nurse to dress a leg wound, the falls team to do some exercise, and the CPN. I'm there when the CPN visits but not normally for the others and he hasn't kicked them out the door yet - so fingers crossed!!!

If he doesn't accept home carers I'll have to start looking for suitable residential homes.

Wish me luck!!

 

[Rolypoly]

Enjoy your weekend at the sea, you’ve certainly earned it. Try and switch off. I hope the weather holds and you get wall to wall sunshine. Don’t forget to pack your bucket and spade.

 

[Bunpoots]

Enjoy your weekend at the sea, you’ve certainly earned it. Try and switch off. I hope the weather holds and you get wall to wall sunshine. Don’t forget to pack your bucket and spade.

I will when I get dad settled with his new carers - Saturday and Sunday mornings are no longer going to be my responsibility after the 9th of June - So it will probably be in about a month. I can't wait

Bucket and spade at the ready...

 

[Susies]

I have no help. My mum sits ina chair while I go loo. She won’t leave me for a minute. I losing will to live. She is everywhere. I can’t even try to read a book because she might as well be sitting on my knee!

 

[Crabapples]

Dad ignored the pull-ups I left next to him so when I went back he was still sitting there on the pet pad. The minute he stood up he weed all over the carpet. Funny how he's always more accepting of the pull-ups after the event

Managed to persuade him to change into pull-ups, clean trousers, clean socks... Which took an hour and got home to find daughter struggling to light the BBQ -with a flame thrower
it would've helped if she emptied the ash from the last one first so I had to improvise using a small camping BBQ and the gas stove. But we had a pleasant (if smokey) evening.

I'm worried that dad isn't drinking enough in this hot weather. He drinks what I give him, but yesterday even though I've left bottles of diluted squash in his kitchen and his lounge, he's not drinking anything when I'm not there. Even if I pour some of the squash into a glass for him. Im hoping this doesn't carry on..

My father is not drinking enough either, and I just realized there are water bottles that have a light or a beeper, to remind them to drink. Not sure if they'll both ignore it, because that happens with my Dad sometimes. It's a thought. Also, they have pill dispensers with locks that will only open when you set the timer. Hope this helps.

 

[kindred]

I have no help. My mum sits ina chair while I go loo. She won’t leave me for a minute. I losing will to live. She is everywhere. I can’t even try to read a book because she might as well be sitting on my knee!

Welcome and thank you for posting. My OH followed me everywhere too. For four years I could not use toilet or bath without him there supervising ... Please don't lose will to live, there is light in the tunnel. You say you have no help, this is the situation a lot or us find ourselves in Can you say more?

 

[Bunpoots]

I have no help. My mum sits ina chair while I go loo. She won’t leave me for a minute. I losing will to live. She is everywhere. I can’t even try to read a book because she might as well be sitting on my knee!

Hi. I'm lucky that my dad isn't as clingy as that, although I am his favourite person for whatever he wants needs. I can imagine how you feel!!!

Have you rung social services and asked for a carer's assessment for yourself and a care assessment for your mum? There is help out there - I've only just reached out because I can no longer manage my dads needs without going nuts!!

You need some time for yourself. Your mum will resist change but stay firm. Most will accept it given time, and even enjoy the company. I introduced dad's first carer as a friend of mine who needed a little cleaning job.

Good luck!

 

[kindred]

Hi. I'm lucky that my dad isn't as clingy as that, although I am his favourite person for whatever he wants needs. I can imagine how you feel!!!

Have you rung social services and asked for a carer's assessment for yourself and a care assessment for your mum? There is help out there - I've only just reached out because I can no longer manage my dads needs without going nuts!!

You need some time for yourself. Your mum will resist change but stay firm. Most will accept it given time, and even enjoy the company. I introduced dad's first carer as a friend of mine who needed a little cleaning job.

Good luck!

yes, great, I used to call my OH carers his companions and talk about how they loved to come and be with him, then read him their reports afterwards.

 

[Bunpoots]

My father is not drinking enough either, and I just realized there are water bottles that have a light or a beeper, to remind them to drink. Not sure if they'll both ignore it, because that happens with my Dad sometimes. It's a thought. Also, they have pill dispensers with locks that will only open when you set the timer. Hope this helps.

Hi. Dad has a beeping pill dispenser and it worked brilliantly for a while but now he just ignores the beeping. He also ignores the telephone.
I've not seen the water bottles, but I suspect they'd be ignored too. Let me know if it works for your dad.
I'm going to have a look for one.

 

[Bunpoots]

yes, great, I used to call my OH carers his companions and talk about how they loved to come and be with him, then read him their reports afterwards.

I thought my dad would see straight through my ruse, he would've before he was ill, but he trusts me so accepts what I tell him. I always feel bad about bending the truth

 

[kindred]

I thought my dad would see straight through my ruse, he would've before he was ill, but he trusts me so accepts what I tell him. I always feel bad about bending the truth

I thought my dad would see straight through my ruse, he would've before he was ill, but he trusts me so accepts what I tell him. I always feel bad about bending the truth

Yes, I know, but it is a very little and benign bend as it were ...

 

[Bunpoots]

Well - dad's having a very strange morning! Carer got there this morning and he was sitting in the kitchen stark naked! He said he couldn't find any clothes...
She got him dressed and went to feed the fish only to find the garden full of bees - like that horror film I can't remember the name of!
To cut a long story short - she's managed to find a local beekeeper who is currently collecting the bees in what looks like a hat box.
Dad is fascinated - he's in the garden having a lesson on bees
He won't remember a thing when I see him tomorrow- but he's enjoying himself in the moment

 

[canary]

Oh my goodness, Bunpoots - theres always something isnt there? I bet you hadnt considered bees when you got up.

Good job your dad is enjoying the the lesson and isnt anxious!

 

[Bunpoots]

Oh my goodness, Bunpoots - theres always something isnt there? I bet you hadnt considered bees when you got up.

Good job your dad is enjoying the the lesson and isnt anxious!

I'm lucky that dad is usually fairly laid back - unless he gets a bee in his bonnet ...let's hope all the ones in the garden are collected before he does

 

[Rolypoly]

Good job he didn’t go out into the garden starkers to investigate!

Was the film called Swarm? No idea if there is a film with this title, it just popped into my head when I was reading your post.