at the end of my patience.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by scorpion46, Feb 13, 2015.

  1. scorpion46

    scorpion46 Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    38
    southend
    Hello all.
    I'm not the most patient person,but when it comes to my father I have been.
    A few weeks ago I had an issue with the care company( yes I know ,seems to be a regular on here).I'm sure you have all been there.
    For the safety and security of him,the front door is always kept locked,as he has a tendency to wonder,he can get in the back in emergency,a d living on a main bus route you can imagine the scene if he did get out.
    So for three months the care company were happy to lock this door on living,.deals on wheels do,I have cleared it with the social and local fire brigade,all are happy to do this.
    Then yesterday a supervisor career took it upon himself to leave the door unlocked, refusing to do so as he he called it a removal of libertees.lucky enough his day centre workers called to collect him half an hour later,he didn't get out or let the dog out,but I shudder to think what would have happens if he had.
    I am waiting for a call from the company for an explanation, but as I have been here before I would t hold my breath.
    Thanks for letting me rant,but I just don't know who I can trust anymore,well apart from you Guys on here......
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Hello scorpion

    I find it hard to believe anyone could sanction anyone to be locked in their home, especially the fire brigade.

    You say your father can get out by the back door in an emergency but experience has shown me emergencies have caused increased confusion in the people I have known with dementia .

    I would suggest your father is almost as much at risk in a locked house as he would be with freedom of movement.

    I know it is recommended people stay in their own homes as long as possible but the thought of such vulnerable people being locked in their homes alone leave me cold.

    I`m sorry to be so direct about this . It is not a personal attack on you, just a feeling of despair for people with dementia living alone.
     
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,815
    UK
    Perhaps 'emergency' is the wrong word. If he knows the back door is open and frequently uses it, it may have become ingrained now. I have two doors leading to the outside, one is permanently locked and so mum does not bother with it, but the difference here is that mum lives with me and is never alone.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    When my husband was alive I kept doors locked but he was never alone.

    When I cared for my mother, she did wander but I`m afraid she went into residential care when her wandering put her at risk.
     
  5. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    I always locked my now late mother in, she lived alone for a while. she wasn't so much at risk of wandering out, and the *undesirables* wandering in.
    She made herself vunerable by insisting on sitting in the front porch, talking to all and sundry.

    In the end, the only way to keep her safe was to lock the door as we left, and to leave a key on the shelf in the hallway. There was also a key safe outside.

    Could she have found the key to get out of the front door in a emergency- I doubt it
    Could she have got out of the backdoor- key in place but locked from the inside - in an emergency? Doubt it!

    The reason I doubt she could have got out is I doubt she'd have had a clue what to do in an emergency, full stop!

    my base line was- which made her more vunerable? Insiders coming in, or an emergency inside needed her to get out. You need to base this on where the person is though,metally. My mother just sat and did nothing all day long. She never moved or did anything spontaniously.
     
  6. Solihull

    Solihull Registered User

    Oct 2, 2014
    97
    West Midlands
    My mum put some toast under the grill, sat down & fell asleep. She was woken by a neighbour who fortunately heard the smoke alarm, ran round and used his "emergency" key to get in. I dread to think what might have happened if he had been out that day as being locked in would have been fatal and perhaps not only for mum. There are so many aspects of safety when a loved one is unpredictable. My thoughts are with you.
    Sue
    X
     
  7. scorpion46

    scorpion46 Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    38
    southend
    Sorry guys I didn't make it clear that I live with my father and his main career,I have a key safe outside, and the whole house has smoke alarms connected to a monitoring system.so in a fire the emergency services are called and a member of the care service is always sent too.he wears a emergency braclet at all times also connected to the same alarm system.
    Also the neighbours each side know the code for the key safe.so can get in when I'm at work.
    And yes the social Services have agreed and know about the front door being locked,that was my first action.
    I understand and appreciate all the replies and can assure you that his welfare and safety are my main concerns.
    I should also mentioned that I live on a main bus route,and the thought of him wondering in the road,could leave not only him but others injured.
    The decision to lock the front door was not taken lightly,but in the interests of his personal safety and that of others was one I had to make.
    Again I appreciate all your replies and understand totally the feelings some of you have expressed,I don't like having to do it , but again it all comes down to his safety..
     
  8. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    #8 Grace L, Feb 13, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2015
    When my husband (I'm a widow now), became a wanderer, I decided it was time to have the door locked.

    He was at the stage where he didn't know his address (couldn't tell someone where he lived IF he was lost)...
    Didn't recognise our home, unless on top of it (from outside), as so many flat/Victorian converted houses similar looking (to him)...

    In his wallet, I printed and copied a map of our home, and he carried a list of his medication ...
    He also carried a list of ICE (in case of emergency) phone numbers ...
    He didnt know our phone number, and couldn't use a phone if he had one....

    I was at home with him most of the time, or another carer was, but sometimes I left him for 1/2 hour...
    to get prescriptions etc, but never very long as he would panic... and come looking for me.

    SS/ SW told me I was not ever to have the door locked as it was 'deprivation of liberty'...
    I reminded of the recent Police 999 search for him.
    I did things my way, and ignored the SW advice.

    edit... he always had a set of house keys in his pocket, but would struggle to use them ...
     
  9. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,082
    Brazil
    #9 BR_ANA, Feb 14, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2015
    My mom (now on CH) lived with me in a busy avenue, with lots of busses a few steps from front door. I was much more afraid of fire than wandering. I've never locked front door.

    Editing. My mother wasn't a wanderer. If she were I would probably use some GPS stuff on her. I used to phone her frequently when I knew she may be alone, later my family organised to not let mom alone.
     

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