At the eleventh hour, I have finally been offered in home respite care from Alzheimer's NZ and I now also have home help twice a week. Now I feel like I should give it a go with these help lines offered. I wish I'd had them sooner as I might not have become so distressed. In the links kareokePete posted, there was information which made it clear to me why MH became aggressive. I think I just handled the situation incorrectly. We are still going to look the rest home over and I am still aiming for a week's respite which may become permanent. Have had some success with washing and shaving recently. The home help is going to be awesome. I couldn't get MH to lift his trouser legs so I could apply fatty cream, but she managed to coax him to oblige. I think she has the magic touch so we might win with the showering situation. She will be coming twice a week and in home repite care will be for a few hours once a week. This will make a huge difference as I have basically been 'locked in' for 12 months.