Hi
Its been a long time since I was last on talking point. But like many of you it was a great help for me when i moved my mother in law, betty thompson in with us to become her carer in 2004.
Through all the difficult times that I know lots of you are going through now, my strength to continue came through this site and the help and advise I received from others.
In september 2005 as my mother in law's Alzheimers progressed, a place had come available at the nursing home of our choice and we had to make a decision within 24 hours as to wether to accept or keep battling on till another came available.
It was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make as we had always hoped that we would have been able to continue until the end, but we accepted the place.
Betty settled well into the home and we visited every week without fail despite the home being a good 1/2 hours drive away. Betty had 7 children and some visited and some didn't despite how many times we told them she was still mum and they were missing out on an awful lot of pleasure, that could still be had with her despite the illness and despite the fact that she couldnt remember our names. We knew though that each time we visited she knew in her mind who we were and it was only the names that got the better of her.
The staff at the nursing home were fantastic, run by a very caring manager who had herself got through the process with her father so knew how the families suffered as well as the patients and did everything she could to ensure dignity and happiness.
On friday 3/11 we got a phone call to say she was not well and the doctor had said there was no more he could do for her and just to keep her comfortable and give lots of TLC. We rushed down as soon as we heard and sat and held her hand and told her how much we loved her. She had lost the ability to speak but we knew she knew who we were, when we left to allow her to sleep she with great effort blew kisses at myself and my husband and we think she knew she was dying and didn't have long.
we went again on the saturday afternoon along with 2 other brothers but she was unable to do anything.
At 7.30 saturday evening we got another call to say she was getting worse and we and any members of the family should go down.
The family arrived, even ones that hadnt seen her since 2004 and we took turns holding her hand and kissing her and telling her to leave us and go to sleep but she could be stubborn at times and would not give in. At 11pm we agreed we would leave her as we all felt that she was holding on for us and if we left she may just give in and sleep.
At 2.20 am I got a call to say the staff had gone into to turn her at 1.45 as they had been doing every hour and noticed that her breathing had changed so instead they sat and held her hand and she passed away peacefully at 2am.
It has been a long and difficult journey through the awful alzheimers disease process but as I reflect all the good times and bad, there is nothing I would do differently, I would have liked to keep her at home until the end but knew in my heart as the disease progressed I could not cope as well as trained staff could and I knew betty would not want me to.
I found a poem on the internet that we are going to read out at the funeral as it seemed so fitting to the last hours.
Her voice was heavy
I could hear it in her sigh,
"Your Mothers body's shutting down,
it's time to say good-bye."
They told you I'd go quickly
but inside my soul I knew,
I couldn't leave while you believed
that I'd forgotten you.
I longed to give you comfort.
I longed to leave you peace,
so your hearts would not be troubled
when you said good-bye to me.
I saw that they were hurting
growing heavier with dread
when "I love you" went unspoken
so, I showed you all instead.
By the Grace of God, I waited
until all of you were there
so that each of you could feel again
my tender loving care.
So my children, do not question,
do not doubt in any way
That I remembered and I loved you
on the day I passed away.
Betty Thompson: 03/02/26 - 5/11/06
RIP
Jani
Its been a long time since I was last on talking point. But like many of you it was a great help for me when i moved my mother in law, betty thompson in with us to become her carer in 2004.
Through all the difficult times that I know lots of you are going through now, my strength to continue came through this site and the help and advise I received from others.
In september 2005 as my mother in law's Alzheimers progressed, a place had come available at the nursing home of our choice and we had to make a decision within 24 hours as to wether to accept or keep battling on till another came available.
It was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make as we had always hoped that we would have been able to continue until the end, but we accepted the place.
Betty settled well into the home and we visited every week without fail despite the home being a good 1/2 hours drive away. Betty had 7 children and some visited and some didn't despite how many times we told them she was still mum and they were missing out on an awful lot of pleasure, that could still be had with her despite the illness and despite the fact that she couldnt remember our names. We knew though that each time we visited she knew in her mind who we were and it was only the names that got the better of her.
The staff at the nursing home were fantastic, run by a very caring manager who had herself got through the process with her father so knew how the families suffered as well as the patients and did everything she could to ensure dignity and happiness.
On friday 3/11 we got a phone call to say she was not well and the doctor had said there was no more he could do for her and just to keep her comfortable and give lots of TLC. We rushed down as soon as we heard and sat and held her hand and told her how much we loved her. She had lost the ability to speak but we knew she knew who we were, when we left to allow her to sleep she with great effort blew kisses at myself and my husband and we think she knew she was dying and didn't have long.
we went again on the saturday afternoon along with 2 other brothers but she was unable to do anything.
At 7.30 saturday evening we got another call to say she was getting worse and we and any members of the family should go down.
The family arrived, even ones that hadnt seen her since 2004 and we took turns holding her hand and kissing her and telling her to leave us and go to sleep but she could be stubborn at times and would not give in. At 11pm we agreed we would leave her as we all felt that she was holding on for us and if we left she may just give in and sleep.
At 2.20 am I got a call to say the staff had gone into to turn her at 1.45 as they had been doing every hour and noticed that her breathing had changed so instead they sat and held her hand and she passed away peacefully at 2am.
It has been a long and difficult journey through the awful alzheimers disease process but as I reflect all the good times and bad, there is nothing I would do differently, I would have liked to keep her at home until the end but knew in my heart as the disease progressed I could not cope as well as trained staff could and I knew betty would not want me to.
I found a poem on the internet that we are going to read out at the funeral as it seemed so fitting to the last hours.
Her voice was heavy
I could hear it in her sigh,
"Your Mothers body's shutting down,
it's time to say good-bye."
They told you I'd go quickly
but inside my soul I knew,
I couldn't leave while you believed
that I'd forgotten you.
I longed to give you comfort.
I longed to leave you peace,
so your hearts would not be troubled
when you said good-bye to me.
I saw that they were hurting
growing heavier with dread
when "I love you" went unspoken
so, I showed you all instead.
By the Grace of God, I waited
until all of you were there
so that each of you could feel again
my tender loving care.
So my children, do not question,
do not doubt in any way
That I remembered and I loved you
on the day I passed away.
Betty Thompson: 03/02/26 - 5/11/06
RIP
Jani
