1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    Hi

    Its been a long time since I was last on talking point. But like many of you it was a great help for me when i moved my mother in law, betty thompson in with us to become her carer in 2004.

    Through all the difficult times that I know lots of you are going through now, my strength to continue came through this site and the help and advise I received from others.

    In september 2005 as my mother in law's Alzheimers progressed, a place had come available at the nursing home of our choice and we had to make a decision within 24 hours as to wether to accept or keep battling on till another came available.
    It was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make as we had always hoped that we would have been able to continue until the end, but we accepted the place.
    Betty settled well into the home and we visited every week without fail despite the home being a good 1/2 hours drive away. Betty had 7 children and some visited and some didn't despite how many times we told them she was still mum and they were missing out on an awful lot of pleasure, that could still be had with her despite the illness and despite the fact that she couldnt remember our names. We knew though that each time we visited she knew in her mind who we were and it was only the names that got the better of her.

    The staff at the nursing home were fantastic, run by a very caring manager who had herself got through the process with her father so knew how the families suffered as well as the patients and did everything she could to ensure dignity and happiness.

    On friday 3/11 we got a phone call to say she was not well and the doctor had said there was no more he could do for her and just to keep her comfortable and give lots of TLC. We rushed down as soon as we heard and sat and held her hand and told her how much we loved her. She had lost the ability to speak but we knew she knew who we were, when we left to allow her to sleep she with great effort blew kisses at myself and my husband and we think she knew she was dying and didn't have long.
    we went again on the saturday afternoon along with 2 other brothers but she was unable to do anything.
    At 7.30 saturday evening we got another call to say she was getting worse and we and any members of the family should go down.
    The family arrived, even ones that hadnt seen her since 2004 and we took turns holding her hand and kissing her and telling her to leave us and go to sleep but she could be stubborn at times and would not give in. At 11pm we agreed we would leave her as we all felt that she was holding on for us and if we left she may just give in and sleep.
    At 2.20 am I got a call to say the staff had gone into to turn her at 1.45 as they had been doing every hour and noticed that her breathing had changed so instead they sat and held her hand and she passed away peacefully at 2am.

    It has been a long and difficult journey through the awful alzheimers disease process but as I reflect all the good times and bad, there is nothing I would do differently, I would have liked to keep her at home until the end but knew in my heart as the disease progressed I could not cope as well as trained staff could and I knew betty would not want me to.
    I found a poem on the internet that we are going to read out at the funeral as it seemed so fitting to the last hours.


    Her voice was heavy
    I could hear it in her sigh,
    "Your Mothers body's shutting down,
    it's time to say good-bye."

    They told you I'd go quickly
    but inside my soul I knew,
    I couldn't leave while you believed
    that I'd forgotten you.

    I longed to give you comfort.
    I longed to leave you peace,
    so your hearts would not be troubled
    when you said good-bye to me.

    I saw that they were hurting
    growing heavier with dread
    when "I love you" went unspoken
    so, I showed you all instead.

    By the Grace of God, I waited
    until all of you were there
    so that each of you could feel again
    my tender loving care.

    So my children, do not question,
    do not doubt in any way
    That I remembered and I loved you
    on the day I passed away.

    Betty Thompson: 03/02/26 - 5/11/06
    RIP

    Jani
     
  2. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    Hi Thompsonson

    Just wanted to say sorry for your loss i lost my mum 6th march this year and that peom was lovely to read.

    take care kathyx
     
  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    just to send my condolences, the poem is very moving, brought a tear to my eye
    take care x
     
  4. ElaineMaul

    ElaineMaul Registered User

    Jan 29, 2005
    333
    Hi Jani,
    I also want to send my condolences. The poem is very moving and touched me as well, as did your description of your mum in law's last days. The care home she was in is obviously a very caring place, treating both her and you with such dignity. It is good to hear that such places do exist.

    Take care of yourselves now, just as you gave her such wonderful care.

    Thinking of you and your family,
    Love Elaine
     
  5. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Jani,
    Thank you for your positive post.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  6. Amanda1954

    Amanda1954 Registered User

    Nov 5, 2006
    59
    Leicester
    Jani - just to say I'm so sorry. The next few days and weeks will be difficult with the funeral and the emotions to deal with. I wish you and your family strength and comfort in the days ahead.

    Best wishes, Amanda
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I am sorry to hear about your mother in law passing and wanted to say that for the past days since you 1st posted.


    I was a bit scared, to pop in read, my own privet fear of my mother ending In the future . the way you explained sounded like your mother in law was surrounded by a very loving caring family.
     
  8. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Jan

    Just wanted to add my sympathy at the very sad loss of your mother in law. She sounds a fine lady, who will obviously be dearly missed.
    Thinking of you
    Cate
     
  9. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Thank you for the poem - it is beautiful. I'm thinking of you and hoping you are bearing up in this saddest of times. You are obviously a positive person with a very loving heart. Nell
     
  10. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    Hi everyone

    Thank you so much for all the lovely messages i have received, it doesn't matter how many friends or family you have no one shares the burden of Alzheimers like those of us who are going through it. Only we really know how awful it is and only we are the ones who cannot switch off when our loved ones are out of sight.

    The funeral went much better that I had hoped for, all Bet's 7 children, partners, 19 of her grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren turned up. Everyone was nice to each other which is better than when the whole family has got together before and they have been drinking, nobody said anything out of turn and we gave her the best send off ever.

    I know its not over yet as we still will have to get used to not having her around and sometimes I think thats the hardest part as the bad memories get taken over by the good memories and then you want the person back. My Sister in Law who told me she couldnt visit her mum as she was not that person any more and she didn't recognise her, has now realised what I have been telling her for the past 2 years that once she was gone she would be wishing she had visited more and wishing she had that special lady back but as usual it doesn't matter whats gone on or whats been said in the past I will still be there for her to comfort her through her grief.

    She has always been the soft, emotional type and wanted to read the poem at the service but all the family didn't think she would be able to do but i am proud to say she did and without breaking down, she couldnt look at anyone while she said it but that didn't matter, she got through it.

    Just to clarify, I did not write the poem, I found it on the internet and knew that whoever had written it had gone through what we were going through and I feel priveleged to have been able to use the poem as it was intended to bring comfort to the family at a difficult time.

    My thoughts will be with all you fellow sufferers that you and your loved ones soon find peace and will be doing all i can to help raise funds and awareness of this dreadful disease


    Jan
     
  11. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Hi Jan

    So saddened to hear about your loss Jan, but the service sounded really moving and that poem has just given me a good cry. Sometimes I think that we all need to have a good cry.

    Take care

    Libs
     
  12. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Jan
    I'd just like to echo what others have said.....I'm so sorry for your loss .What a heartfelt poem
    Love
    Wendy
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.