At end of tether

goldie79

Registered User
Mar 12, 2015
11
Somerset
I have posted here before about my husband's wandering and having to keep the doors locked, but things have reached a new low and I need a shoulder to cry on! For several nights he has been up and pacing in the early hours, talking loudly to imaginary companions. By Friday night I was exhausted, and having got him back to bed about midnight I went into a deep sleep. Woke up about 4am to find all the lights on, husband fully dressed downstairs, and our next door neighbour in her dressing gown trying to communicate with him through the letter box. I found out later that he had been up since 2 am banging and tapping on the windows to attract attention, which he had because the neighbours thought I had been taken I'll, and were trying to get into the house. In fact one was on the phone to the police when she saw me arrive at the door.

Last night was very quiet but he kicked off again this evening. To calm him down I took him for a walk, but he kept trying to flag down cars and was stopping passersby to ask for help. I had given him half a 1mg Larezopam tablet at midday when he started to get agitated, and another half at 7pm when he started banging on the windows. This only seemed to exacerbate the situation. He has just gone to bed after several hours of window banging and turning lights on and off to 'attract attention'. I know this all arises from his being locked in, but such is his behaviour (trying to stop cars etc) that I feel he is in danger if he goes off by himself.

I feel such a failure, but also that I just cannot cope when he is like this - nothing distracts him. We are having our long-awaited assessments on 14th, but at the moment that seems a long way off. Sorry this has been such a long moan! I know many of you have to live with worse situations.
 
Last edited:

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,072
Devon
You definitely need a moan goldie, this sounds like a horrible situation. Really it's shocking that anybody should be left to cope alone with such difficult behaviour. It sounds so distressing for you both. I don't have any answers but hopefully others going through something similar may be able to make suggestions. It does sound as though your husband needs medication, but it's a long time to wait until the 14th when you are going through such a difficult time. Love and hugs to you. Es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Call the gp surgery tomorrow, you must be shattered. Sounds like half mg Lorazapam is not working. Think you need something to help your husband sleep at night, at least then you'll have some quality sleep to enable you to deal with life in the day time hours. I know how hard this night time wandering can get. Although things aren't great right now, things are so much better for mum and myself since her medication was changed and having accepted that some form of medication had to be prescribed to help with the anxiety and sleeping, it was just down to finding the right one for my mum.
 

In a Whirl

Registered User
Feb 23, 2015
62
Have you thought of having a quiet word with the neighbours to explain the situation so they don't worry. Maybe they could give you a ring if it happens again..say on a mobile. It might help with that side of things.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,005
Scotland
Goldie you have my full sympathy. My husband has been wandering since last October each time for longer, further away, increasingly getting lost. Phones, trackers, all helped but we have now reached a stage where he cannot be left alone even for ten minutes. He also wandered away from his one day at day centre so is considered too high risk to be given more days.

Police have been involved on a number of occasions and each time write a report to social services. This has resulted in a more "urgent" approach and they have decided that as they cannot offer appropriate help at home he will have to go into care.

Like you I cannot do this on my own. It is not possible.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello goldie, last week the same happened to me, l phoned Dr she referred us to rapid reponse, they came out 2yrs later, assessed him referred him to SS, they came to see us two days later. I now have so much help with day care, and carer's coming in whenever l want the, l can have 1 or 2 weeks respite whenever l need a break, l did not realise how much help there is out there, my OH has had Alzheimers for 9yrs he is onset late stages, feel so much relief now l have help, l hope you can get some help you will need it.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
Pamann, wherever do you live? I want to move there!
Goldie, you have my heartfelt sympathy and understanding because I've been battling with the same situation. Citalopram is the latest med we are trying, and I think it might be helping a little to lift my husband's mood, but it isn't preventing him needing constant, and I mean constant attention.

I have tried giving him two Paracetamol at bedtime occasionally, and I think it has helped us get more sleep. Best I can offer I'm afraid.....except a huge sympathetic hug. I hope you get some peace somehow....
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Raggarty anne l am near to where all the lorries are stacking up to go to Dover, l don't think you would like to live here, l can not believe how much help l have been offered, SS told me it is cheaper than what it would cost if he went into a care home.☺
 

goldie79

Registered User
Mar 12, 2015
11
Somerset
Sorry to have taken so long to acknowledge all your replies - thank you for them. The situation has not improved, but I felt better just getting it off my chest. Only two days to go before we have our assessments, and I am hoping that we can get a care plan in place.

It's such a comfort to know that people here care for one another.
 

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