My mother 85 yrs - Alzheimers. Living with father 92 yrs. They don't get on. He doesn't understand dementia so doesn't respond as guided. They fight. She is argumentative; adamant she is right when clothes go "missing" - won't let up, goes on and on. Feels violated. As her daughter I try to placate which is worse than trying to reason that there is nothing to fear as I'm told I am being condescending. She doesn't walk - could but won't. Won't help herself. Refuses any outing offers, then says she is bored, fed up being just a "housekeeper". Aggressive when any further suggestion of help is mentioned - we currently have a nurse administering meds in the morning and someone cleaning on Wednesday mornings - she will not have any more. Both parents stubborn, completely negative in every response. "We can manage and if there are any changes we will sort them - we're not senile yet!" is a regular response to anything. Our mother cries - on an d off - shouts like a bear often and yesterday pushed me aside and told my father she didn't like "this woman and wanted to get away from her" - that was me. All forgotten for a few hours then more argumentativeness later in the day.
I think she may have another UTI but she won't have it. Says her pee is fine and will I stop interfering - I can hear her muttering and getting stroppy under her breath as she heads for the loo. How do I get a sample from someone who doesn't think there is a problem. Doesn't think she's got dementia (diagnosed and head scan next week).
Honestly, she is a nightmare and together with a very stubborn father - its like spending time in the Temple of Doom. We only want to help but at every turn they make it so jolly difficult. And they have nothing to talk about, no hobbies, no social interaction and its so gloomy and depressing so must be horrendous for them too but they're too busy making it worse.
Thank you for letting me sound off this morning. I've repeated myself I know from past threads - it seems the problem is the same but notching up a gear at a pace. I don't know how to handle it for the best or what the future holds. Both parents still able to voice their opinion very strongly, especially my mother who has always been out spoken and tricky, dementia just making this worse and she still thinks she is in charge and there's nothing wrong while doing absolutely nothing, no exercise, nothing - blaming everyone else (mostly my father for being a dreadful husband, which he's not). This is a dreadful disease and I know most of the time her behaviour is out of her control and must be frightening for her. I really, really feel for her - but at the same time I'm so irritated and angry that she can be so vile. Then I feel huge guilt .....
There are masses of us dealing with similar scenarios today - I send my sympathy and strength to you all. By golly we need it.
I think she may have another UTI but she won't have it. Says her pee is fine and will I stop interfering - I can hear her muttering and getting stroppy under her breath as she heads for the loo. How do I get a sample from someone who doesn't think there is a problem. Doesn't think she's got dementia (diagnosed and head scan next week).
Honestly, she is a nightmare and together with a very stubborn father - its like spending time in the Temple of Doom. We only want to help but at every turn they make it so jolly difficult. And they have nothing to talk about, no hobbies, no social interaction and its so gloomy and depressing so must be horrendous for them too but they're too busy making it worse.
Thank you for letting me sound off this morning. I've repeated myself I know from past threads - it seems the problem is the same but notching up a gear at a pace. I don't know how to handle it for the best or what the future holds. Both parents still able to voice their opinion very strongly, especially my mother who has always been out spoken and tricky, dementia just making this worse and she still thinks she is in charge and there's nothing wrong while doing absolutely nothing, no exercise, nothing - blaming everyone else (mostly my father for being a dreadful husband, which he's not). This is a dreadful disease and I know most of the time her behaviour is out of her control and must be frightening for her. I really, really feel for her - but at the same time I'm so irritated and angry that she can be so vile. Then I feel huge guilt .....
There are masses of us dealing with similar scenarios today - I send my sympathy and strength to you all. By golly we need it.
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