Assisted living or nursing home

SandraHeb

New member
Oct 17, 2021
3
0
My partners mum is due to be assessed next week by social services. She has early to mid dementia which seems to be worsening weekly, she has breast cancer which is being treated. She is 91 with very poor mobility, she can not walk unaided but she can walk with a frame. She is starting to have a few toilet issues I think because she cannot get to the toilet quick enough. She has had type two diabetes for 40 years and has non life threatening chronic kidney disease I think stage 2 due to the long term diabetes. She has eye issues, one cataract op on one eye was done but she's too frail for other eye. She's on daily she drops due to glaucoma. She can no longer cook or make tea for herself. She has carers once in the morning to get her up and washed. She does this herself with many prompts and assistance. The most worrying this is she sleeps all day and night apart from eating and drinking when prompted. Her son looks after her. She lives in his house, she has no savings or property herself. Her son no longer wants to look after her. He is struggling and has now been prescribed with anti depressants. His doctor has told him he is not responsible for his mum and that social services would need to make care provisions for her. They have mentioned that she could go into assisted living, although they have not seen her yet. He does not think this is suitable. He wants her in a nursing home where she is safe as he doesnt like leaving her at all now but primarily so care staff and residents would interact with her. My understanding reading other threads is this doesnt happen in assisted living especially someone as frail as my partners mother. She does nothing for herself at all. Please help, he's crumbling and at his wits end!
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @SandraHeb welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

From what you’ve said I think your partners mum is probably mid to late stage and, if she is unable to do anything for herself, I would think a carehome is the best option. Wait and see what the assessment says. SS usually want to try care at home before considering a carehome.

My dad slept a lot too in the later stages of his dementia.
 

SandraHeb

New member
Oct 17, 2021
3
0
Hi @SandraHeb welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

From what you’ve said I think your partners mum is probably mid to late stage and, if she is unable to do anything for herself, I would think a carehome is the best option. Wait and see what the assessment says. SS usually want to try care at home before considering a carehome.

My dad slept a lot too in the later stages of his dementia.
Thanks she can still walk to the toilet etc. She washes her face etc but only with prompting. She would probably sit in a chair and do nothing for herself if left alone. The sleeping side is a bit strange, my mum slept a lot during the latter stages, she had vascular dementia and Alzheimer's but I still think my partners mum is more early stages. I believe assisted living is cheaper than a nursing or care home so he's fully expecting them to suggest it which he will not agree with! Thanks for your response.
 

SandraHeb

New member
Oct 17, 2021
3
0
Definitely a nursing home with this health issues and her age.
That's what we feel but she can still go to the toilet etc she doesnt need to wear pads, she does wash her face but she needs prompting. I think compared to my mum she's early to mid stage of dementia, it's just her mobility that is getting bad. We shall see. Ultimately social services will decide although we will not allow her to go into assisted living, we will care for her if that's the case although I'm concerned this will affect my partners health even more. Thanks for your response.
 

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