1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I got a phone call today from Social worker , that care home respite that mum going to on the 29 wants to do an assessment on mum before she arrives :rolleyes:

    I told social worker how upset my mum get if I tell her to far of the date that she going to respite , she told me to talk to the woman about it when I phone .

    I also ask if its a residential dementia home , she said that seeing that my mother has been diagnosed with dementia she not allowed to go to any other kind of residential care home , glad to hear that .

    So I phone the home , ask her what the assessment was about , she said she has to ask my mother question :rolleyes: told her mum hate question as she think they nothing wrong with her get right paranoid , yes I was forwarding her , she seem to get my point without me saying it , she said don't worry I have been told to f off before :D , they also have an EMI unit

    It was so good to talk to someone who understood , I did tell her that can't she ask me the question , she said she needs to see my mother , told her mum not that bad its one's she in home she find she not violent or anything .

    I am just thinking of myself really , She was going to come this week , but that would of meant weeks of distress , irrational thoughts why do I need respite am abandoning her , don't love her on , you all know the symptoms no amount of reassurance will make her perceive why I need a break so I can keep caring in the further.

    so the lady coming on the 24th august just leaving me 4 days that mum will know she going to respite for 2 weeks , God help me :) all I can do is smile and share

    mum have never had an assessment for respite before , why do they do it , what the need for it

    why do some home do it , some don't is it a new law that they have to do that an assessment
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    Dear Margarita,

    Does your mother need to know the questions asked will be for an assessment for respite?
    Could you say the person who`s coming is just wanting to ask how she is, how she manages etc.
    The SW you spoke to sounds very understanding, I`m sure if you ask her, respite care need not be mentioned.

    Love xx
     
  3. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Margarita,

    I am taking my Mum and Dad to see a possible home for them this afternoon and there has to be an assessment, but the matron of the home has asked me to provide as much information/paperwork as possible to cut down on the number of questions she will have to ask my parents directly. So I have typed up a sort of little summary of their state of health/medication/life style/care already received.

    I wonder if that's an option for you?
     
  4. currywurst

    currywurst Registered User

    Jan 29, 2006
    46
    Hi Margarita

    When the chap from the home came to assess my mum for respite, I was told it was to see if they would be able to cater for mum’s needs. He just asked what mum’s likes and dislikes were, what her usual routine was, medications she took etc, it was all very easy going and I’m sure that your mum could just think that whoever comes was just coming for a chat, then the respite word wouldn’t need to be mentioned ;)

    It’s great you get regular respite. I have been trying since February to get a break. I have had all the assessments, it was agreed that rolling respite was the way forward, I’ve then given the SW dates but then nothing happens, perhaps you can tell me what the trick is :confused:

    Love Jan
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #5 Margarita, Aug 14, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2007
    yes Sylvia as time go on she getting to know me and becoming really helpful . seem as mum gets more demanding dementia progressing , I am getting better support.

    finally realizing how stressing its all getting

    now that sounds like a really good idea


    Yes i could say she from Social services day center, just hear to chat about how she getting on they


    I would be ringing up asking has she sorted out respite yet for the date I have given her .

    1 tell her him your not copping will feeling stress or

    2 your mother becoming more demanding so you just need a rest

    3 you book a flight like I did this time . first time I have ever done that without asking SW first

    when was you last respite currywurst

    with my social worker at the very beginning I use to feel guilty asking for respite , I only use to ask for respite in an emergency , like when I had to go to gibraltar twice when my mother sister was dying ,{ as I did have a week out before that . my son look after mum } then on another occasion as I could not cope looking after my brother , mother so mum went into what they call emergency respite , while I cared for my brother [when they call it emergency respite, they do not included it in to my entitlement of my 8 weeks respite a year ]

    Then I thought I have not had respite that I could say was time out just for me , so took 10 , took myself and daughter to gibraltar last year .

    Then my social worker said that I get 8 week a year running from April to April and 4 weeks stand by in case of emergency .

    I took 2 weeks in Jan when I move home that was form last year entitlement to respite .

    are LA financial year started in April 07 So took 10 days in May now taking another 2 weeks august. leaveing me under 5 weeks more to take till next April 08

    big thank you to you all xxx
     
  6. currywurst

    currywurst Registered User

    Jan 29, 2006
    46
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #7 Margarita, Aug 14, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2007
    Now that is just :eek: :eek: , mind you I know how your feeling when you say
    guilt and finding that step in making that decision is just part and parcel of loving someone


    yes do that and stress how stress your feeling , even if your not don't pretend to yourself or to social worker how you coping, even if you feel your coping take respite because when thing get worse you have good memories to pull on , even if you don't perceive it like how I do

    social services they leave it as long as you leave it , so push for the dates you gave them for respite, if he she not they tomorrow lave message if they don't get back ring Monday , don't give up . keep bugging them , that what my SW said you me , just keep ringing her as sometime she forget

    wishing you all the best
     
  8. currywurst

    currywurst Registered User

    Jan 29, 2006
    46
    Hi Margarita

    I thought I would let you know that I called the SW and mum is going into respite next week :eek: Now the worrying starts!

    I hope the assessment goes well with your mum.

    Thanks again.
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #9 Margarita, Aug 16, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2007
    wow now that good , thanks for the update

    I remember mum first reaction , when I first told her that she was going in to care home , they was no way around it , but to say the dreaded word care home , I suppose you could say hotel , its like a hotel , mum was so worried that that I would move her bad , , really she meant ... she thought I was not going to pick her up bring her back home .

    she wanted my friend to look after her in our home , she has learn to trust me now that I pick her up , but still worse part is in taxi .

    I use to ring talk to her that made me feel worse because , because she wanted me to hurry back pick her up . so now I don't ring or I'll would of spend the whole respite feeling guilty . Now I don't feel guilty anymore , because even thought she moans all the way they saying ''I am cruel abandoning her'' ''why am I doing this'' ''she not that bad '' ''she be good'' I have learn to block my emotion when she says thing like that or I be thinking is it all worth it this respite and bring her back home .

    Ones she they , settle after an hour , staff telling me she be fine and I leave , I admit that I don't think to deep about mum in respite , I think if they any problems they ring me

    yes I block it out , because week or two go so fast that I am back picking up mum looking after her .

    Good luck be strong emotionally , let us know how you get on . ENJOY your respite guilt free please :)
     
  10. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Very good advice , Margarita!:)
     
  11. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi

    I had problems with rolling respite for Mum and Dad, although we had been assessed as needing it, SS, were not giving it, due to lack of funds, or only in an emergency.

    I wrote to my Councillor, MP, SS Director etc. Lo and behold respite was available.

    Unfortunately,you have to push for help.

    Tell SW that you will definately not be available from "this date to that date", as you are going away. They have duty of care, they will have to provide respite.

    Good luck

    Alfjess
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    God imagine being told that ! that so bad , when I have been told they not allowed to say ''due to lack of funding ''
     
  13. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Magarita

    This happened towards the end of the finacial year.

    Maybe what I wrote was a little misleading, but comes down to the same thing in the end.

    Our social worker said that she had been told not to arrange any respite, unless it was an emergency, because the Council didn't have enough funds.

    You are correct in saying that once assessed as needing a service, that service cannot then be denied through lack of funds, but I think SS will try to avoid spending money if they think they can get away with it.

    At the end of the day although they are a service company, they have to be like any other company and keep to budgets.
    Alfjess
     
  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #14 Margarita, Aug 18, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2007
    that is so true , that why TP is so good , because we can share and empower our self with our rights as a carer .


    They just don't like telling us , I use to feel so guilty not only because of putting mum in respite home , but how much it cost to put mum in care home to the cost of the tax payer and national insurance , until taxi driver taking mum to respite care home said to me

    '' That's why people pay they taxes, national insurance , he rather know its going to the elderly them finding budget that they always find to fund a war missile , for a war out of the tax payer money ''
     

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