Assessment appointment through


Registered User
May 1, 2005
Hi again

well dads initial assessment appointment is through for next weds at 2pm (11th may)

My brother will be attending the appointment with both parents. I dont know what to do at the moment as i cant leave baby with anyone (she will be 7 wks old and i am breastfeeding)

The biggest obstacle is going to be dad agreeing to do the whole assessment course...which is 6-8 weeks long

I dread to think what will happen to my mum, let alone my dad if he refuses to go

any ideas?

love Jane x


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Jane,I can imagine what you are going through. I was scared about my Mum's initial assessment too. If you can get there, even if you take the baby with you, I would go if you can, for your own peace of mind later. My Mum didn't want to go to the 6-8 week asssessment unit, she had to go once a week. I managed to get her to agree as, "it was to help me know what to do to help her with her memory problems and she could then come home and explain it all to me!" She refused to go in the mini bus/ambulance, so every week I took her and picked her up. It was not an easy time, but it did help to get an overview of her condition. I do hope you can find a way to cope with it all, your Dad may seem difficult because really he is very frightened, by the problems he's having, by hospitals and by the fact that he knows deep down, he is slowly losing control. Be patient with him, lots of reassurance and hugs, let him know how much you love him regardless and for ever. Thinking of you, love She. XX


Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
Hi Jane,

Your father's current state of mind (memory, mood, ability to make choices, insight into his own condition) will play a major part in how to frame this assessment process.

In the early stages, my father-in-law was dead set against going to see his GP - even though we explained that the medications were only likely to be effective at that early stage. As his dementia has progressed, he is now much more likely to accept going to medical appointments (both for dementia and other illnesses). He has had two appointments at the memory clinic and a CAT scan without complaining.

My mother-in-law has decided not to mention these appointments too far in advance as he will not be able to remember the details. She may mention it the night before, perhaps in rather general terms such as going to the doctors. She would not tell him that he had to attend a clinic once a week for the next 8 weeks- she would take each week as it comes.

That's the odd thing about dementia (at least where my father-in-law is in the process). He still has enough of his old self to react negatively to an 8 week programme if told in one go. But taken week by week, he wouldn't question it.

Perhaps your father isn't at this stage yet, but it is worth considering how much information to give him at any one time. Many families get used to telling "white lies" or drip-feeding information if the full truth would not be helpful to their loved one's welfare or state of mind.

Take care,



Registered User
May 1, 2005
thank you both

drip-feeding infomation is exactly what we doing with dad and it works. too much info just sends him into panic.

i'm not going weds, my brother is tho, baby will be too distracting.

dad now has a care manager which is good.

will update after weds....thank you so much it is nice too know we arent alone. wish my mum had acsess to this

sadly dads new "personality" is already becoming the "norm" amazing how quickly we all adapt isnt it?

i am pleased to beable to be there for them both lots. at least 4 times a week.

yesterday we spent hours looking at photoes - this seems to settle dad down loads :)

love jane xx

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