Aspiration Pneumonia

[Karola]

Mum has been taken into hospital with pneumonia and has high acid levels in her blood. I know it is normal, but I feel so conflicted. One part of me hopes that she recovers but a larger part hopes this is it (as long as she is comfortable.) She has had dementia for 16 years now and has been unable to communicate or walk for 5 years.

I don't really have a question, I just needed to write this down, I guess. Unless you've been in this situation, it must sound awful to say you hope your Mum passes away...

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read about your mum. It doesn't sound awful at all. I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same way about my mum. You only want release and peace for your mum.

Wishing you strength.

 

[Noorza]

No it doesn't sound awful. It's not so much that you want her to pass away, it's that you want her suffering to end and for her to be at peace. That is what any loving child would want for their parent.

Many people who post here, I'd go as far to say most, don't want their parents to hang on when they have an extremely limited quality of life. My poor old mum says she has suffered enough now and while her religious beliefs won't allow her to put DNR on her records I know this is what she wants.

Please don't feel guilty, easy for me to say and hard to do, you only want peace for your Mum. I'll say it again any loving child would want the same thing.

 

[sue38]

I don't think it sounds awful at all. I fully understand the conflicting emotions - one part of you wants your mum to be free of this awful disease, and the other part doesn't want to lose her.

All you can do is try to ensure she remains pain free, and if she is end of life to spend some time with her. It is an upsetting time, but it can also be quite special.

Wishing you strength for whatever lies ahead.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

Many members here will understand your feelings so please no need to apologise.
It is good that you can share so please post whenever you feel the need.
Best wishes

 

[Grannie G]

I understand how you feel Karola. I am in the same position myself.

 

[cragmaid]

I think it would be more sad if you wanted her to stay to go through this all again and again. You are feeling the pain of parting and I am sorry.
I have wished several times over this last year that it was goodbye for my Mum and she has rallied , each time being left a little weaker.....
Be comforted that she is being cared for well and that you have time to say goodbye.x

 

[Spamar]

I'm with you Karola, I want the same, and my OH isn't half as bad as your mum.

 

[angecmc]

I too want this for my Mum, I can't stand to see her like this and know it would not be what she would want for herself. xx

Ange

 

[piedwarbler]

I wished exactly the same for my mum. It's six months now since she passed away and I do miss her but I'm so grateful she is not suffering any more. I do understand. It is an ordeal and it's natural to want suffering to pass.
How is your mum now? X

 

[Herbie1]

It is not awful, I to am in the same situation my dad is in hospital also had dementia for a number of years but the last year taken a turn for the worse he now has a water infection and cellulitis and has stopped eating now, it is so upsetting to see anybody with no quality of life, again part of me is hoping he recovers and part of me hopes it will end the suffering. You are not alone.

 

[Karola]

Thank you so much for all your reassurance, although friends say they understand, I think it's only when you have gone through it and got to that stage of desperation that you can truly empathise.

I wish all of your loved ones a peaceful end.
x

 

[Gill1961]

Hi Karola,

I know exactly how you feel, the mixed emotions of the sadness of losing your Mum and the relief that you feel.

My Mum passed away last October, she has the first signs of vascular dementia about 14 years ago and had been in care over eight year. She was unaware that we lost Dad.

Mum was bed bound and totally dependant on the care home staff for a few years but was stable and had a good appetite, although on a puréed diet.

She passed away about three weeks after the home first contacted us to say she was having swallowing problems, the last three weeks were a blue of meeting with SALT, palliative care team etc.

My thoughts are truly with you, there are people on this forum who can full empathise with you.

Take care,

Gill

 

[SnowLeopard17]

What a mix of emotions this illness causes............

My husband was very poorly with aspiration pneumonia just before christmas and we were told it was highly unlikely he would recover. All medications etc were removed. We were distraught but i can remember thinking that my husband would not want to live with such a poor quality of life and that his passing would be a blessing.

My husband had other thoughts. He pulled himself through and the joy, excitement and love i felt when i first saw him back up and walking for the first time following his illness was palpable.

SnowLeopard, with love x