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Asking for people who used to live in the house

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by stu100, Apr 14, 2015.

  1. stu100

    stu100 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    70
    Birmingham
    My nan keeps asking me when family who used to live with us is coming home I don't know what to say sometimes.


    Stuart
     
  2. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    231
    Female
    NW England
    Hi Stuart,

    I presume that the family who used to live with you are not coming back?
    if so this must be very difficult for you.

    Could you say that they might come back when the weather is better or some other little white lie?

    brambles x
     
  3. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,289
    SW London
    Could they be on holiday, or at work, or at the shops, or visiting Auntie So and So? Anything that you think might satisfy her for the moment, really.
    I used to use 'at the shops' and 'visiting Auntie X' when my FIL started asking where MIL was. She'd been dead 10 years - the truth would upset him terribly and in any case he would only forget very quickly and ask again.
     
  4. stu100

    stu100 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    70
    Birmingham
    I normally just say thay will come soon she looks for husband who died in 1986
     
  5. Lisa74

    Lisa74 Registered User

    May 27, 2011
    276
    #5 Lisa74, Apr 19, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2015
    Hi Stu,

    We mostly tell the truth (although she doesn't ask about people who used to live in our house but rather imagines her parents live next door). It doesn't seem to upset her as she is presented with the facts hundreds of times a day (every time she asks about them) and does have some 'trace memories' so isn't shocked. For her Mum/Dad I say 'No you're my Granny, and your Mum and Dad died before I was eeeven born but we look after you here and love you'.

    When she is particularly agitated or upset I sometimes say 'they're not here just now it's just us, they might come later' but she doesn't believe it!

    I think you just have to do what you can- sometimes it helps to make something up (which we do a lot for other things) and sometimes it's better to say what happened- you can decide what suits your situation better and it sounds like saying her husband is just on holiday is probably a good idea as introducing the concept that he died now might actually be much more difficult and make her very upset.
     
  6. stu100

    stu100 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    70
    Birmingham
    Thank you Lisa 74 that helps


    Stuart
     

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