asked to leave care home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Frederic H, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. Frederic H

    Frederic H Registered User

    Apr 1, 2015
    My O/H was asked to leave after only three days because of aggressive behaviour. This only started when she went in,but I could no longer cope at home.

    So contacted mental health nurse and social services and 111 doctors to try and quieten her down and they increased the Resperidone which is working slowly.

    But finding a new care home is not easy. It may say Demetia Care on the signboard but what most of them mean is mild dementia only !

    I was such a state I went to GP who said it was no longer my problem and gave me sleeping pills
    In order to keep my wife in theoriginal care home whilst I looked for another, SS arranged I-I care which was a relief to me but the cost was horrific
    Now after contacting and visiting 30 care homes I have found a new one 17 miles away and she moves on Monday
    I have not seem my wife for nearly three weeks as my presence starts her off so I don't know whether to help with transfer or leave it to the experts.
    as for stress if you see some poor old sod crying in the High street it is probably me !
  2. Caroleca

    Caroleca Registered User

    Jan 11, 2014
    Ontario canada
    Oh Fredric ...I could not read and not say hello. How terrible this disease is. I am relieved for you that a place has finally been found. I'm sure that once your wife has settled you will feel a sense of relief. Please take care of yourself. Hugs
  3. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    This must be terribly stressful and I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

    Definitely let them handle the transfer!
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Frederic: you mentioned that they arranged 1 to 1 care and the cost is horrific: please tell me that you (or your wife) aren't paying for that?
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Frederic, you do not need to help with moving your wife. Leave it to the professionals. Let them take responsibility.

    It sounds as if you have been through a terrible ordeal and there is no way you should have been expected to pay for one to one care.

    I understand how difficult it will be to fight for your rights when you are so stressed out but your wife obviously needs specialist care and it is not for you to provide it.
  6. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    You hit the nail on the head regarding the problem of finding care homes that say they take dementia but actually don't want or can't deal with moderate or advanced, had the same problem when looking for one for dad. Others will have more experience of this but I don't think in these circumstances you should have been expected to pay for emergency 1 to 1 care to meet your OH needs, have you been advised on the process for financial assessment etc? It must be very hard and distressing for you and your OH but I would be inclined to let others handle the move and then visit perhaps chatting with care home staff to see how best to approach etc. Sending you every good wish that things become a bit easier for you but that you can relax a little knowing she has staff with expertise to keep her safe and looked after.
  7. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Oh Frederic, I have no advice to add, but wanted to send you a hug, you sound as though you need one or two. I hope that the move goes well and that your wife settles xxx
  8. Rodelinda

    Rodelinda Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    So sorry you're going through this Frederic and hope that the new environment helps your OH and that you get a bit of relief and support as to how best to approach the future. It's so tough! I agree with everything that's been said - there's another thread from me about my mother having been asked to leave 2 care homes this week (I'd booked her in for respite) as she has been agressive and wandery - the second one being a dementia specialist home with security. I don't understand it either as I thought that agression was quite common with dementia and that homes would be able to cope but my suspicion is that they just don't have the staff numbers for the 121 care. All the best - and hope the move goes well. Sue
  9. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    So sorry for your troubles Frederic. As others have said, if your wife is so bad that she needed 1:1 care, she sounds like she needs an assessment for NHS CHC. If "severe" is scored in behaviour and cognition she would very likely qualify. Please look into this to at least ease the financial burden - afraid I cant help with the emotional burden, except to say that there are many of us here with this problem and we all help each other cope.

    If your presence seems to make her worse, its probably best to leave the move to the professionals, but maybe you could go to the home first and put her familiar things in her room beforehand. Then ask the staff the best way to proceed.

    Sending you hugs x
  10. Frederic H

    Frederic H Registered User

    Apr 1, 2015
    yes we are ,Social services and mental health arranged it and the details just came in post it is 1400 per week ! so thanks for the tip I will query it

    and thanks to all you others about the move I will go to the new home to welcome here but leave it to the experts
    I have also written to my MP about the lack of funding I know I will get a page of flowery nothings ,but if my wife gets settled I intend to make a nuisance of myself with someone not quite sure who yet
  11. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    #11 nitram, Nov 12, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2016
    If your OH requires 1:1 care I would argue that the requirement for an assessment of 'priority' in the behaviour domain for CHC has been met meaning care would be free
    ‘Challenging’ behaviour of a severity and/or frequency and/or unpredictability that presents an immediate and serious risk to self, others or property. The risks are so serious that they require access to an immediate and skilled response at all times for safe care.
    They may disagree saying that 'at all times' means 24/7, is a carer present overnight?

    I would start the checklist/DST process without delay and if successful try to get it backdated to when 'they' decided 1:1 was essential and started charging you.

    If you don't know your way around the process keep posting here and/or go to CAB/AgeUK for assistance.

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