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Argumentative

Jacqueline13

New member
Jul 10, 2020
3
Hi, We care for an elderly neighbour, he hasn't any family and we have supported him for about 12 years his wife died 5 years ago (alzheimers). He is a lovely man and was diagnosed with mixed dementia last year although this was probably a late diagnosis. Initially he denied the diagnosis but then rang friends to tell them.
He lives at home and we have arranged carers, he can no longer cook a meal,get his breakfast or make a cup of tea. His capacity fluctuates and he decides he needs something doing so we get quotes and he chooses which one he wants. However he then tries to change his mind denying all knowledge of the process, even when he has been present and told the workmen wants he wants but by the time they do the job he remembers they were supposed to do something else entirely or has changed his mind.
He becomes quite argumentative, this morning some people arrived to put up some trellis, he had chosen the trellis talked to the guy twice agreed the quote and has been reminded on several occasions. He is now saying he has never met him, had a quote. When he is reminded that the guy spoke to him through the window (covid) on two occasions, his reply is 'I am not disputing that but I've never seen him before'
We are thinking of writing the things we discuss in a diary and when people are coming so we can show him, any other ideas would be welcome
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,375
Welcome to the forum and I'm sure others will be along soon with other ideas. However, on reading your post, my initial reaction is that I'm not sure a diary will work very well. Are you suggesting a diary to somehow prove that you have had some sort of discussion , rather than simply a means of keeping an appointment noted down. If it's the former then if the gentleman is anything like my mother in law was, he will simply deny the conversation took place . As far as he's concerned , of course he must be right, because there is nothing wrong with him. You say he rang friends , but do you know that for yourself? He might be simply saying that to cover his difficulties . The argumentative behaviour and denial is quite normal I'm afraid. Does anyone have power of attorney ? My mother in law was very much like this with money and trying to arrange repair.s. I took over her finances in the end with POA , it was the only way to manage the situation. The gentleman is entitled to a needs assessment from adult social services too. No magic answers I'm afraid.
 

GillPJ

Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
80
I just want to say what a wonderful person you are, people like you restore my faith in human nature.
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
539
Hi, We care for an elderly neighbour, he hasn't any family and we have supported him for about 12 years his wife died 5 years ago (alzheimers). He is a lovely man and was diagnosed with mixed dementia last year although this was probably a late diagnosis. Initially he denied the diagnosis but then rang friends to tell them.
He lives at home and we have arranged carers, he can no longer cook a meal,get his breakfast or make a cup of tea. His capacity fluctuates and he decides he needs something doing so we get quotes and he chooses which one he wants. However he then tries to change his mind denying all knowledge of the process, even when he has been present and told the workmen wants he wants but by the time they do the job he remembers they were supposed to do something else entirely or has changed his mind.
He becomes quite argumentative, this morning some people arrived to put up some trellis, he had chosen the trellis talked to the guy twice agreed the quote and has been reminded on several occasions. He is now saying he has never met him, had a quote. When he is reminded that the guy spoke to him through the window (covid) on two occasions, his reply is 'I am not disputing that but I've never seen him before'
We are thinking of writing the things we discuss in a diary and when people are coming so we can show him, any other ideas would be welcome
" mixed dementia " suggests vascular dementia with Alzheimer's. This places things into a completely different domain when it comes to things said or seemingly not said nor recalled etc. The progression of mixed dementia can be often slow or the contrary. Whatever, your obvious generosity of spirit during the 12 years warrants support now owing to the nature of dementia and its potential ramifications. The diary is a practicable tool for your ongoing care/record of events etc for the gentleman. Alas, dementia has little association with such "order" and memory can be as fleeting as the extinguishing of a candle light.
 

Jacqueline13

New member
Jul 10, 2020
3
Thank you all very much, we have spoken this morning and he likes the trellis!!! And is so pleased that he arranged with his old friend. hey he's safe he is in good spirits and today is a good day. We'll take that