I am so confused, I posted at the beginning of the week, we have found a fantastic though very expensive home for my lovely MIL, I know we should not mention names but the home has a floor especially for dementia suffers called 'Reminiscence', we would not ask for anywhere better and although it will probably take all of her saving and her home, it is after all her money. We were forced into a situation over the Christmas period with her carers, this is the second company we have used and although two of the carers from the present company have been good the rest leave a lot to be desired, we cannot now believe what is written in the book as it appears to be the work of fiction. MIL lives alone with a care package of 3 visits for 1/2 hour each day, (this was what was assessed as her needs by SS) she is self funded although we get a slightly reduced rate for those hours, on top of that we pay for an extra 30 minutes in the morning as she does not get up until the carers arrive and 30 minutes is not long enough to get her washed and dressed and supervise her breakfast, without this she would not wash or change her clothes and throws her food in the bin (o or worse still puts it outside which attracts rates and foxes etc). We also pay for an extra hour twice a week just for company as she is so lonely. Last week she asked who the man was that went into her garage, she has the key and it is kept locked, we have also had loads of trouble with gas/electric, they keep asking her to change and she agrees, as fast as I was sorting it out she would change it again, The four of us visit regularly, myself and SIL visit every day at different times, my husband most days as he works shifts and BIL at the weekend as he commutes, so she is not short of company. Up until the last week she has been very miserable with both myself and SIL, although her mood changes when anyone else is around. We endure nightly phone calls sometimes as many as 8 or 9 asking us what she should be doing, how she cannot go on etc. My husband and his brother registered the EPA (jointly) back in September which is now in-place, we know that MIL is not going to be happy being moved from her home where she has lived for 40 years (see my first post) question is can we insist she stays at the home even against her will, she never goes out unless forced so would no leave under her own steam. Last week we were so sure we were doing the right thing, she will get lots of attention if she wants it at the home, we will be able to visit her every day without having to do her shopping, washing ironing, we will be able to give her quality time. She no longer says 'here's my Sue' when I come in but refers to me as 'dear' (like the carers) I knew this would happen when she no longer recognised family but its the fact she no longer seems as miserable, she now seems to be hiding her true feelings as she knows it is these that have convinced us she cannot live alone any more. Sorry for such a long rant but my BIL and SIL are convinced it is the only option, and although I know it will come eventually I suppose I am scared about next Wednesday, it seems so cruel to take her from the home she loves against her wishes.