Are my feelings normal ?

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Chewy, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Chewy

    Chewy Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    31
    Hi all never thought I would be on this part of the forum . Dad had been diagnosed for nearly 5 years but lived his life to the full right up until a fortnight before he passed away. He was admitted into hospital 12 days ago and passed away on the 4 November. I don't feel like he's gone, just waiting for him to come through the door as usual. I don't get upset when I talk to people about him going to a better place pain free and happy again. I just feel anger all the time , angry at not being able to say good bye properly angry not knowing wether he knew how much I loved him angry at wether he knew how sorry I was when we had bad days. I miss him so much but I'm not as emotional as I thought I would be. Is it because my dad went years ago and this person was just the shell of my dad. I watched some film footage of my dad and the children but struggled to remember that person that was in the footage a loving husband a great dad and wonderful grandfather. Funeral is next week and I'm not sure what to expect , will it finally hit me he's not coming back ? will I be like other people and start to mourn properly. What is normal or is there no normal? Who knows but I do miss you dad love you always xx


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  2. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    625
    Female
    I am so very sorry to hear of your loss Chewy and all very sudden after going into hospital. Anger is part of the grieving process and the first 18 months after losing someone you can experience many emotions but this is all part of the cycle of grief. People will experience different feelings at different times so there is no such thing as normal. Be glad your Dad lived such a good life right up until almost the end and don't agonise about how you imagine you should or shouldn't be feeling. Your Dad knew how much you loved him. Be kind to yourself and take care. Xx
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You lost your Dad so suddenly that you will feel all sorts of different emotions over the next weeks/months. It is a roller coaster all of its own but I found the best way forward was literally one day at a time and not to expect anything of myself. So i felt what i felt when i felt it and there was no right and no wrong, that was just how it was and how it is.

    Thinking of you at this sad time xx
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,093
    Yorkshire
    Morning Chewy
    My condolences on your father's death
    Dad's know; he knew you all your life so how could he not know how much you love him: be assured of that.
    Dad's forgive; even on the bad days you were there, he was there, you were together; that's what matters.

    Lovely words for you from tryingmybest and fizzie. There's no normal in grief. What you feel, you feel. How you mourn is proper for you. Be gentle with yourself.

    Find a lovely photo of the 2 of you and carry it close to your heart.
     
  5. Chewy

    Chewy Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    31
    Thank you friends


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,540
    Ireland
    Only just catching up Chewy. So sorry to hear about your dad. Nothing to add to what the others have said - very wise words. Grief won't be hurried, and can't be predicted as to how it will be for any individual. It will just take it's own time, and you must give yourself the time and space for it.
     
  7. GuiltandSadness

    GuiltandSadness Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    14
    Yes, normal

    He loved you. The sickness was in the mind. I know how you feel, 8 yrs. Remember the good times, when ready pull out pics before. It's a madness, and he lived you so. god bless.
     
  8. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    I'm so sorry, Chewy, please accept my condolences.

    My mam is still alive but I struggle to remember the person she was before Alzheimer's (diagnosed about 5 years ago). For some horrible reason the main memories that come back are the negative ones - times when we argued, when she upset me or whatever.

    I struggle to remember good times and yet I know they are there somewhere because she was a good mam and loved me very much. I'm hoping that one day all those good memories will come back.

    Hang on in there, I think your feelings are perfectly normal.

    xx
     
  9. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex

    So sorry to hear your sad news, and my thoughts will be with you next week. I was once told "Grief is the price you pay for loving someone", but there's no Richter scale of how long this takes.

    I thought I'd managed pretty well the last 11 months, but the last few weeks have been incredibly hard. There's no time limit sweetie. xxx
     
  10. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,429
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    We are numb at first and anger, guilt and a sense of grief and loss that is sometimes devastating seems to come as soon as the numbness wears off. I hope the funeral went well and you did have some sense of closure. However the pain of loss seems to go on for long time. So just post your feelings on here, many of us who have gone through the grief process (my Mum died in November 2102, two months after my husband) will know how you feel.

    Sue..
     

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