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APPROACHING END WITH MUM : EVERY DAY IS DIFFERENT

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Jezzer, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Oh Thank You so much for your kind words @malengwa. This has happened just once before and then the recognition returned so I'm hoping that may happen again. If it doesn't then I will hold on to precious moments. Only a couple of weeks ago when I told her I loved her, she managed to say "and I love my little girl" - that was a wonderful moment even though Im 61!!! I'm so sorry you've lost your mum and I send love and best wishes to you. I really do appreciate your post. Thank You again. x
     
  2. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    (((hugs))) Jezzer. Hoping for a better visit for you and your Mum today.
    Or at least some peace for you while you sit with her. I'm sure she'll feel the love from you and that will give her comfort.
    With empathy and love xxx
     
  3. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much @Prudence9. I am certain now that through the fog of Dementia, mum feels the love, gratitude and respect I have for her. I feel the love from her and nothing, not even this dreadful illness, can break our deep bond. I will face whatever today brings lifted by the kindness, understanding of support of friends like you. Thank God for TP. xx
     
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,946
    Female
    East Midlands
    Oh @Jezzer I am so sad for you to experience that but as others say take comfort in the fact that your mum has had moments of clarity & the good times & hold onto them.
    I am lucky in the fact that my mum has always recognised me so far but I know that the day will come when she may not. Big hugs xxxxx
     
  5. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much. This has happened once before and recognition returned so fingers crossed. If not then I will continue to sit with mum, tell her how much I love her and hold her hand. I love her and I know she loves me and nothing can ever take that away. Take care. With Love xxxx
     
  6. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Hello all
    I just have to tell you about something that has just happened. I know my emotions are somewhat raw right now but I'm calm so far this morning. I have just been getting myself sorted and was ready to put on my favourite earrings I took off last night and put on my dressing table. Nowhere to be found. I calmly looked for them but no, they'd gone. I put on another pair and came down to make a coffee. Realised I'de left my mobile in my bedroom so went back to get them. My "missing" earrings were on the dressing table, in plain sight. They were definitely not there earlier. Now I'm pretty realistic but also quite spiritual. I believe we are all spiritual beings having a human experience and that when our bodies finally give up, our spirits live on. I know many people think this is rubbish and I have no problem with that. I respect everyone's right to believe or not whatever they wish. Sorry, I'm rambling but what I want to say is, for me this is a sign, maybe from my late OH, Dad or maybe even mum. Who knows? I just sense I am being looked after. Thanks for letting me share this xxxx
    ps Please don't request the men in white coats come for me!
     
  7. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    1,535
    England
    Jezzer, I've had things gone missing and searched several times in the same place and then gone back and found it. So no need to send for 'the men in white coats'.

    And yes take reassurance from the fact that someone is looking after you. :)
     
  8. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    ‘Spiritual beings having a human experience’ . I love that @Jezzer

    I’m no longer sure of my precise beliefs, but like @lemonjuice , I’d take comfort that someone is looking after you xxx
     
  9. Myo

    Myo New member

    Jun 1, 2018
    6
    Female
    Hampshire
    Thank you such profound words and so true you have helped me this morning when things have become just a little bit worse for my mum, feeling sad but comforted by others experiencing similar
     
  10. Scouts girl

    Scouts girl Registered User

    Jan 18, 2017
    308
    I lost my lovely mum nearly 8 months ago and find it so difficult to think that I will never see or hear her lovely Scottish voice again. I am not religious and quite sceptic about spiritual happenings but I can honestly say that at times I feel she is with me. I dream a lot about her, thankfully the dreams are before she succumbed to dementia so I am trying to take comfort in the hope that she is looking down on me and that in time I will smile about the wonderful memories we shared and not be so sad. We had a very loving mother/daughter relationship although at times, after she moved into her care home, it was difficult as she was so upset with me that I had to take the doctors advice to move her and because of her illness she couldn’t understand this. BUT, I hope in her own way she did forgive me.
     
  11. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Many Thanks folks for your replies.

    Well, I am once again blindsided (but in a good way) by Dementia.

    I walked into mum' CH earlier and was greeted by a Carer who said "Morning Jan, have your ears been burning?". " Er no, why? " I replied. Came this response - "well your mum has been talking about you and saying Jan will sort it". Whaaa????? Couldn't get to mum's room quick enough. She was sitting up in bed, I got that gorgeous smile and she said "Ah, I love my little girl". I put my arms around her and said "I love you too, you're the best mum in the world". Huge smile and the reply "am I?". When I started this Thread and added "Every day is different" little did I know how very true that would be. Mum was a totally different person today. Thereafter followed speech which made no sense whatsoever right up to me leaving but no matter. She was laughing, smiling and whatever was going on in her mind was clearly happy. I am still processing what happened but for a few minutes I had mum "back" and, oh how lovely. So,I must follow my own advice i.e. take each day as it comes. Visit with no expectations and respond to this precious lady as her condition on that day happens to be. I will always hold her hand and tell her I love her whether she is responsive or not. An emotional rollercoaster it certainly is but my brother and I will stay on this bumpy ride until its final journey. Thank you all for your continued friendship and support. Sending Love xx
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,904
    Kent
    It`s never over until it is over Jezzer. We can presume nothing.

    So glad you had some quality time with your mum after being full of despair.
     
  13. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you @Grannie G
     
  14. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. We can't get off and it never goes where we expect it to. I hope you experience many more happy visits and less of the sad ones.
     
  15. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much Soobee, you are absolutely right. I do appreciate your kind post x
     
  16. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    oh @Carmar it really was. It's almost as if mum knew how distraught I felt yesterday and from somewhere deep inside, found a way to comfort me. The day began oddly with the earrings but when that was happening, I experienced a sense of calmness I've not felt since mum got so ill. It's been a strange, but really positive, day today. We all know the inevitable will happen but how precious these "gifts" are. The whole experience thus far has very much changed the way I feel about so many things. Thank you so much for your reply xx
     
  17. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    @Myo Yes Wasnt it a marvellous post from @Hazara8. It brought me enormous comfort. I'm so sorry about your mum. Sending love and wishing you strength. Take care x
     
  18. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    No, no, with you all the way, with you and so believe in what you are saying. Oh my darling girl, what an experience. Why should it be rubbish? Our spirits do not die with our body. Oh my love, what a thing to happen. And I don't care if this sounds trite, our earrings are such an important expressive part of who we are, so honour what you are saying. Wow!! all love, Geraldinexxxxx
     
  19. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    388
    Female
    Jezzer, I have been so moved by your thread and feel so much for you..My dad passed away some years ago now,and he had Alzheimer’s / a treatable cancer and in a nursing home , there where many scares when I was called in because he was at the end but he rallied every time. Then I was with him one early morning and he opened his eyes and asked why I was upset and I told him I was worried about him , he smiled held my hand and said don’t worry about me I’m fine Ann. My dad had always called me Babs my mum was Ann( passed away 15 years earlier.) so I think maybe I was mum, he fell unconscious and passed away just after.but I treasure that time I had with him
    Im sorry to have gone on a bit .sending love and hugs take care Ann
     
  20. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Oh Thank You Ann for sharing such a private, precious and moving moment. No apology is needed. You haven't gone on a bit at all. All the messages I'm fortunate to receive are so important to me and so appreciated. What a precious time and something nobody can take away from you. Thank you again. Love and Hugs xxx
     
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