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APPROACHING END WITH MUM : EVERY DAY IS DIFFERENT

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Jezzer, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    265
    Female
    Just wanted to say am thinking of you, you are blessed to be so close to your mum. Take care x
     
  2. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you Jale. Yes I am blessed. You take care too xx
     
  3. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    So, a sad visit again today. No acknowledgement or reaction, just deep sleep. I held mum's hand but she pulled it away. The peace of yesterday's visit was impossible as workmen were busy in a room near mum and though they kept the noise to a minimum, you can't mute an electric drill. I did, initially, sense once again that someone was in the room with us which was a comfort. Again, no sign of distress or pain in mum's face. The lovely Tea Lady, who does lots of other jobs, brought me a mug of coffee, put her hand on my shoulder and quietly left. I hadn't asked for a drink. I never would. There is plenty of tea, coffee and soft drink available for us. So kind and thoughtful these folk who are rushed off their feet. Kindness is around us in so many ways and most definitely here on TP. Thank You for letting me share this. With Love to all xxxx
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Im still thinking of you Jezzer
    xxx
     
  5. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you @canary . I'm thinking of you too. Any progress? Xxxxx
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    OHs hemorrhoids have almost gone and the pain stopped the disinhibited behaviour (always a silver lining!) - Im hoping they wont return for a while (both the piles and the behaviour!!). He has been put on the waiting list to be admitted for yet more tests, dont have the date yet. All fun and games :rolleyes:

    Will the workmen be finished soon? I do hope so
     
  7. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Yes it would be good if neither return! Given all you've been through, your OH should be seen as a matter of urgency, not added to a blinkin' waiting list! It's neverending for you isn't it? I'm really sorry my friend.

    Yes, workmen will be finished this afternoon. In fairness they were working non-stop and there will never be a good time to do this sort of thing in a NH. Mum was completely oblivious to it all. Xxxx
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,199
    Darling, just read this. Deep sleep and that is in itself such a blessing. And no signs of distress or pain on her face. And that wonderful sense that you are not alone in the room. But the sadness of no reaction and a hand taken away, I so understand, all my love and thoughts. Yes, there is so much kindness all around us, as though we live in a parallel universe to all the awful news locally and nationally. This, what you write about, the love, the fidelity, this is what matters. All my love, Geraldinexx
     
  9. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much G. I wasn't really upset about mum's hand pulling away. I tend to forget she has heart failure, which must have worsened, and although no signs of distress, she looks exhausted and who wants to be disturbed when they are so very tired? Thanks again. Much Love, Jan xxxx
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,400
    Kent
    I shall never forget the kindness to dad and me from his NH staff who continued to treat him with such dignity even when he had gone beyond reacting to anyone...little things like carers and nurses continuing to knock on his door before entering...it wasn't because I was there...they had always done this to respect the residents' privacy even in the depths of dementia...talking and explaining to dad what they were doing in giving personal care even though dad was unconscious...the manager organising for chef to bring me lunch ...I hadn't asked...albeit it was paid for :Dand dad had no use of it but the thought was greatly appreciated...staff coming in from time to time holding his hand and whispering to dad that he could let go and join mum....the frank answers to my questions of why a change was happening and what it meant as dad's body shut down...at a horrible time these memories over a year on have never left me.

    I am glad your mum seems peaceful and pain free and am thinking of you during this final stage...you are continuing to make your mum very proud of you
     
  11. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Such a lovely post as ever @Jezzer
    You convey a great sense of peace amidst the sadness of your mum's illness and the noise of drilling etc. And of the wonderful human kindness shown by the tea lady and other staff.
    You sound a bit more relaxed, although sad....I hope this is the case.
    Thinking of you as always, dear Jan xx
    Lindy xx
     
  12. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so very much for your lovely message and for sharing your poignant memories of over a year ago. I so agree about the importance of dignity and the respectful manner of the staff. It means so much. Mum has always been well-liked by all the staff and I know they are genuinely saddened. I send you my Love and Very Best Wishes. Thank You once again Jan xxx
     
  13. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank You Lindy. I do feel calmer although, yes, very very sad. I believe I'm getting some help from my Dad I really do. All the kindness is lovely. It's always been there but I really appreciate it now, from the CH staff, my friends and the lovely folk here on TP. Apparently mum could go on like this for some time. She is so frail now yet tough! Still getting heart gymnastics and wish ecg appt would come through. The transfusion has definitely helped though. How are you doing this week? I know things are tough for you and send my Love as always. Jan xxxx
     
  14. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Hi jan @Jezzer
    I'm sorry you are still having heart gymnastics and hope the ECG comes through soon. I know how worrying those gymnastics can feel !!
    As it happens I had a cardiac appointment myself today. Got the results of my 5 day ECG that was done in April. Apparently there is no longer evidence of atrial fibrillation ( op for this went well), but guess what, I now have ectopic beats!!! Couldn't make it up. I thought of you at once :)
    Anyway in my case it's not serious so they won't see me again now for a year, at which point they'll do a full echocardiogram and if that's okay then, I might be discharged!
    Really hope you hear soon :)
    Love to you and your mum xx
    Take care
    Lindy xx
     
  15. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Oh Lindy - glad all is well but I can't believe you've now got ectopic beats! Would you Adam and Eve it!!! When I was diagnosed with ectos I was told it was nothing to worry about and I've lived with them all these years. My worry is that I have them every day and they don't half whack. Do you feel yours? I wonder if the stress and worry about mum is causing them to be worse? Just have to wait and see. I am so pleased your AF is cured. That must be such a relief. Just watching the horror of the Greek fires. Absolutely dreadful. I hope they weren't started deliberately. Take care Lindy. Much Love to you and your dear Mum xxxx
     
  16. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much @Carmar. Yes a glimmer would be lovely but most important is mum's comfort. We have told each other of our love and I've said all the things I needed to say and I'm glad about that. With Love, Jan xxxx
     
  17. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    I'm s
    I'm so glad you've both said what you need to, @Jezzer , I think that's so important.
    My palpitations don't whack nearly as much as when I had AF, but I do feel them. When I had the 5 day ECG I had to keep a diary of when I thought it was happening, and I was pretty much spot on, according to the consultant today. Apparently some people don't feel them at all....
    Like @Carmar i am wondering whether you're going to have a course of iron? Anyway take care, rest as much as you can, I'm sure your mum would want that X
    Lindy xx
     
  18. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Hi Lindy - yes I am on iron tablets. Thanks so much xxx
     
  19. smartieplum

    smartieplum Registered User

    Jul 29, 2014
    259
    Jezzer, this thread shows just how many friends you have on here. This hard time takes so much out of you. I hope your mum is dreaming of things she loves as she lies peacefully. Please take care. Mx
     
  20. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    984
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Bless you @smartieplum I too hope mum is having happy dreams. You take care too - I know how much you worry about your own dear mum. With Love and Thanks xxxx
     
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