1. Cumbrian 54

    Cumbrian 54 New member

    Jun 11, 2019
    4
    Hi I am new to this.
    My mum has alzheimers and recently placed in a care home by social services
    Because she ran out of the matrimonial home on 2 occasions. Mum has been in the home
    For 3 months, we had a best interest meeting with social workers and care home manager.
    Husband (my dad) who is very selfish, controlling and manipulative.
    Social workers want to move her closer to him, his attitude to women and his understanding
    Of mums illness is a disgrace, all of this he displayed in front of the social, but they still
    Believe it will be in my mums best interest to move closer to the matrimonial home as they say,
    The whole attitude of the social workers has been amature one trainee and one who has just
    Qualified with a supervisor, bestintrest meeting was all about mums husband and they
    Already made their minds up to move mum.
    This is so hard to talk about I am 5 hrs away from mum, the care home manager
    Is my only sorce of information on how mum's doing on a regular basis,
    The social workers have treated her so badly, not keeping her up to speed
    On any developments regarding any aspect of mum's case.
    I could go on and on about the behaviour of the social workers. Could someone
    Please tell me the best way to appeal the decision of the best interest meeting
    Thank you.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,630
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @Cumbrian 54 and welcome to Talking Point.

    Dealing with Social Services can be a mine field, but at least the SWs realise that your mum needs to be in a care home and are not trying to return her to the family home.

    I have a couple of questions for you:

    What do you want to happen? Do you want her to stay in the home that she is in now?

    Does your mum say that she "wants to go home"? Social Services place a great deal of emphasis on this (unduly in my mind, but that is another matter) so they may think that this is the best compromise.

    Something I will mention is that whatever care home your mum is in your dad will not be able to interfere with her day to day care. A decent care home will not be bullied, so do not worry too much about that. IMO it will not matter too much to your mum where she is staying, so long as it is a decent care home that can meet her needs.
     
  3. Cumbrian 54

    Cumbrian 54 New member

    Jun 11, 2019
    4
    Thank you for your prompt reply Canary.
    I would and so would mum's family like her to stay in the home she's in, home to mum is her childhood home up north, she doesn't remember the name of the town where her
    Matrimonial home is, that's not relevant to SWs they think
    Because he paying lots to visit twice a week and cannot keep it
    Up she should be moved closer to him, it took the care home
    Staff 3/4 days to carm her down. SWs think it's to put her through that again for him, this is my point it's about him not my mums
    Best interest, am I being selfish to keep her as far from him as I can.
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,630
    Female
    South coast
    No I dont think you are being selfish, but I think it will take a lot to convince SS that it is in her best interest to not move,

    They will want someone to visit regularly - no matter how he has treated her, he is still her husband and they will respect his wishes.
    Even though your mum (like most people with dementia) means her childhood home when she talks about going home, SS seem to take this at face value and assume that she means the matrimonial home.

    The point about unsettling her is an important one, but I dont know how much SS will take notice of it. They may say that it is only a couple of days and then she will be OK. TBH, I think that without Health and Welfare POA, you are unlikely to convince SS. Others who have successfully challenged SS may come along with advice about what to do.
     
  5. Baker17

    Baker17 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2016
    233
    I didn’t manage to convince SS not to move my OH, an advocate was appointed for them and it was decided in the COP that it was their human right to chose where they wanted to live even though they didn’t have capacity so they were moved, sorry to tell you this but I’ve been fighting this for two years and it’s still ongoing
     
  6. Cumbrian 54

    Cumbrian 54 New member

    Jun 11, 2019
    4
    Thank you Baker 17.
    Best interest meeting was held 2 weeks ago today, SWs
    Haven't been in touch with me yet to confirm their decision,
    It must be classed as incompetence, this is how its been
    From the start 3 months ago lack of communication its
    Almost like they can make decisions with out any consultation
    Then they let you know when they are done, the only person they have compassion for is him (dad) no other family members
    Are taken into consideration which surely can't be bestintrest.
     
  7. Baker17

    Baker17 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2016
    233
    I waited for 5 months and it was only when I got a solicitor involved that I found out their decision which I challenged hence two years later I am still battling on with them. I am sorry you are going through this as it is so very stressful, I hope you manage to convince them that theirs is not the correct decision for your mother.
     
  8. Cumbrian 54

    Cumbrian 54 New member

    Jun 11, 2019
    4
    Thanks again baker 17.
    The only thing I can do for now is hound the SWs to get a
    Response and take it from there.
     

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