Aphasia ...biggest problem? or is it money

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Helena, Aug 17, 2006.

  1. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Sorry Margarita and others

    I do not in any way mean to upset you

    when I said "we would be nuts " I meant my sister and I alone

    Every time we get off the phone or visit my Mother we feel totally stressed and exhausted and feel as if we are going mad

    Everyone handles things differently and its also a question of upbringing

    You would need to have known my Mothers attitude to anyone inc my Aunt who had AD and any of my Mothers friends or neighbours who suffered AD/VD and went into care to understand the effect it had on myself and my sister

    You also have to understand the way my Mother has treated us and our families to understand how we feel in the current situation

    The law does not respect the effects on relatives/carers or their wishes .......it only respects the wish of the patient no matter how totally wrong or damaging or dangerous to life that wish may be

    That is what I find very very hard to cope with

    You all know my Mother should not live alone but currently theirs little i can do to change that until a true crisis occurs and she has no option but to be sectioned or moved into care
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Helena

    .

    I talk from my own experience, as it seems I have had up bringing just like you with my mother.

    I had a lot of resentment in how my mother treated me and other people in the past

    Our past is dead and gone just like all those people your mum did not care about who had AD and all the people my mum did not care about in the past.

    Our past only lingers on in our mind as long as we want it. It can make us stop moving forward I am sure you do not want that for yourself.

    It is only trying to work out how to help your mum before
    and maybe you just can't help your mum before that happen ,but a lest you tried as if you did not care for your mum you would not be on TP . So Selfish I would not say you are, just carrying a lot of anger resentment in to your hear and now from the past.

    So how about ?

    You could contact your mum local social worker to find out who is your mother doctor
    As you have said in another post you do not know who your mother doctor is, social worker would find that out for you.

    So ok your mum will not see doctor, but at lest you have for- warn the doctor and the social services will have it down on record.

    So when something does happen to your mother its all down on paper how you did try to get help your mum ,but no one would listen
     
  3. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Margarita thats exactly what I have done ..........its now up to the doctors and social worker

    Maybe they can make her see sense
    or maybe it will take a fall or something to cause a criisis and then she will have no option

    I do not think anything about VD/AD explains just how stubborn and difficult some patients can be and i do not think the law faces the issues correctly either
     
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I find it helps me to keep calm to look at both sides of the situation.

    If a person with dementia seems stubborn and difficult to us, it is for a reason.

    It may not seem a good reason to us, but I always try to remember they are not being difficult for the sake of it. Things that appear minor to us are mountains to them. Things that appear sensible to us are bonkers to them. Things that are so, so familiar to us seem to be things being seen for the first time to them.

    While this does not make life easier for either party, it appears to be a fact of life. In my opinion, of course.

    I absolutely agree with you here - not only the law, but the medical profession, and just about everyone who has not tried hands-on to care for someone with dementia.
     
  5. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Ups and downs

    I find that I never know what to expect when I see my Mum. She seems to have settled in the NH, but when my husband helped me bring the bigger TV and video recorder in, she was a bit tearful again and said she wanted to go home. She said she was lonely and wanted company and yet her friend was there in the room with her.
    Today I took my son to see her and she was fairly alert and enjoying a comedy video, which the NH had provided. Mum was always a strong, independent type of person, but now she is inclined to be tearful and is totally dependent on others. It just seems so sad that she has to live the last years of her life this way. She is still only 81, so it could easily be quite a few years and she can't even stand up. To be positive though, she can hold a sensible conversation.
     

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