1. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Phillipa,
    I send you and your family sincere condolensce on the loss of you Father.
    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  2. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks. Gosh, Fred, that was so sweet of you.

    Still not crying but I think maybe it's because I know that Dad wanted to die. He told us it often enough.

    The funeral arrangements have been made. I know Dad would've wanted a small, green funeral but that's not going to happen. We've had about 70 cards. Everyone obviously really liked and respected him, so it'll be a huge 'bash'.

    Not for two weeks though, because of Easter.

    I am so grateful for the support of everyone on TP. It really has helped me so much. You're all a great bunch!

    Sending my love to everyone out there tonight who is sad or desperate at seeing a loved one suffer, as I did until Monday.

    Philippa xx
     
  3. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Sending Love to you too, Phillipa!
    I'm sure the tears will come eventually..
    Wow, 70 cards, I think it helps us to know that our 'Loved Ones' were so fondly thought of.
    We were determined to make Mum's Funeral, a Celebration of her Life, Yes.. it was terribly sad, but it was also Beautiful for her..
    Enough of the pain and sadness the illness had caused..

    I will be thinking of you in these Day's ahead,

    Take Care,
    Love & hugs,
     
  4. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks Nicky xx
     
  5. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Phillipa,

    Just catching up with TP after a few days absence.

    I'm so sorry to hear of your beloved father's death. It sounds as if he departed in peace, which must be a blessing. So many sad things happened before and it is very sad that it was on your birthday.

    You will grieve in your own time dear girl. Our bodies tend to "shut down" with severe shock so I'm not surprised you had trouble finding tears. They will come, and when they do, may you get some relief from your sadness.

    You and your family are in my thoughts. Please give my sincere condolences to your Mum.
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I am also sorry to read that your father passing way Philippa xx
     
  7. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thank you both. As I've said before, you lot on TP have been such a help. I can't quite believe it's only been a few weeks since I registered here.

    I suppose there are always dilemmas after someone's death. My daughter wants so much to see Dad in the funeral home, as does my Mum. I am happy with the fact I saw him just after he died. I have no unhappy memories of that. My daughter wants to see him without the oxygen etc. Mum thinks she's too young but I think my little girl (hardly little! she towers over me) has shown such maturity that I am happy for her to go. Mum wants to go as she was so upset at the hospital and she wants to see him clean-shaven and in a suit.

    I think any of you who have read my posts have probably worked out that I was close to my Dad. Very much like him, warts and all! I know that he'd just want us all to do whatever we wanted.

    Been going through some stuff of Dad's today. I can't believe the photos, cards, newspapers that he's kept. So many photos of him in Singapore during the war. A certificate for winning a prize at school in 1936. Photos of his football team winning various cups. Retirement photos. And so many birth, marriage and death certificates from my Mum's family. I think he must have filed them away when Mum's Mum died. Weirdly, tonight we have discovered so many things we didn't know.

    Fred, if you read this, Queen's truly is a joke, although we were fortunate that for the last few hours Dad was moved to a private room to die with some dignity and privacy. I share your thoughts about the car parking. What a bloody disgrace! I have not had the energy so far to write to complain but I am in the process of composing a letter to my MP, who I believe is very critical of the hospital. I don't want anyone else to go through the same ordeal. I am so sorry your Anna suffered so.

    Love to you all, Philippa xx
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Philippa, I agree with you. If your daughter wants to go, she should be allowed to.

    It's a personal thing, there's no right or wrong. I've always gone to say a private farewell to my loved ones, other members of the family haven't wanted to, and that's fine.

    But if your daughter really wants to go, and you don't let her, it will always be a regret for her.

    Just my opinion, as I said, no right or wrong.

    Love,
     
  9. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks Hazel. You've been such a help. I will take my girl to see her Grandad. Sweet dreams,

    xx
     
  10. DuskStar

    DuskStar Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    22
    My Granpa died from dementia when I was 18. I wasn't able to go to the funeral (very complicated) so I went to the funeral home. It was a lovely thing, to see him at peace, without the dementia, and the oxygen and everything else that had worn him down.

    I'm glad your taking your daughter. Its nice to have a private and intimate time to say goodbye, and remember someone how you want to remember them.

    My best wishes to your family at this hard time
     
  11. rhallacroz

    rhallacroz Registered User

    Sep 24, 2007
    106
    merseyside
    Hi Philipa

    Dear Philipa
    How are you ? I keep reading your posts and thinking about the journey. I feel sure that I will be following in your footsteps My dad is deteriorating rapidly tonight his chest is awful and he has terrible Diarhoea I have changed hime so many times today. Most of the time with him hitting me and screaming. I don;t think I can do it much more. I keep seeing his anger and hurt in his eyes when i try to clean him . I know it is the dementia but it hurts. Oh Sorry Philipa I didn;t mean to go on about myself just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you all. I hope your visit to your dad goes well. I am sure it will be nice to see him at peace.
    Well tomorrow is Easter a new dawn Lets hope things get a little better.
    God willing my dad will improve.
    Take care
    Angela x
     
  12. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Hi Phillippa

    I haven't been a contributor to this thread, been trying to sort out problems with the DWP for the last month, but so said to hear of your dad's passing away. Hope your daughter had the courage to see him in his suit, a visit like that can make such a difference to the acceptance of death. How brave of her to want to do that, hope she coped.

    Your post about things your dad had kept really got to me. My dad was totally unsentimental, or so I thought ("aw don't worry about my birthday, a pair of shoe laces will do" he told me when I was 7 years old). When I eventually found his "box" (my mother didn't know it existed) it contained all the father's day cards I had ever sent him, his 21st birthday card from his parents, my mother's card to him on their silver wedding anniversary, various newspaper cuttings about family members' wedding and funerals and - a pair of shoe laces!. Cry??? Buckets of tears, of happiness that my dad knew what was important in life. Love. Caring. Your dad would have known the same of you.

    Hope you cope.

    Much love

    Margaret
     
  13. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Margaret, I think our fathers must have been related! I have had so much joy (hope that doesn't sound strange) going through his stuff.

    Angela - all my love. I am so sorry about your Dad. I will be thinking about you today.

    Philippa xx
     

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