1. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    I know it's late, I'm sorry. I've posted before, had been worried about 'what to tell my daughter', what to do if Grandad was really ill whilst she was away.

    Thanks for all your replies. They meant so much.

    Dad's been deteriorating so badly. Two bad falls in the last two days. not eating or even drinking. The district nurse and our doctor came in today and now Dad is in hospital. He's in the A and E ward. No beds available. His heart is failing. prostate not good (news to us), the treatment for his water retention will muck up his kidneys, we've been advised by the doctor to sign a DNR form. We have done.

    At this point I want to say, he is 87 (birthday last Tuesday, 4.3.21) 1940 to 1946 in th RAF, worked (apart from for King and country) from the age of 15 to 75. I'm so proud of him.

    We're not with him now. Mum is shattered, my brother is looking after her. My daughter is asleep. I'm awake.
    Oh God I'm sorry to moan. I know you're all aware. Love to everyone. X Philippa
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,103
    Toronto, Canada
    Philippa,
    You've probably gone to bed now. It's going on 9:00 pm here so I think right now it's 4:00 am there or maybe 3:00 am - DST confuses me.

    I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Don't apologize for moaning - why shouldn't you moan? It's natural - your dad is deteriorating and that's frightening. Come here any time to moan - it's one of the functions of TP.

    Love,
     
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Phillipa,
    When a loved one has AD/Dementia it is so hard to see them suffer.

    They go for a while on an even path and then when they deteriorate some more quicker than others, what we see then is horrific for everyone.

    My husband is in the last stage awaiting a daily call and yet again this week having to sign DNR form, organ donations and brain to AS Research.

    When there is a younger generation involved, it also effects their lives as you know.

    I can only offer you prayers and hope that it is one of those stages that they go through, and tomorrow your loved one has picked up a bit.

    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  4. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks, Joanne and Christine. I did get some sleep. Now I have to get through today. Sorry I moaned. I truly know, mostly through TP, that I'm not alone. It's horrible for all of us.

    Good old Terry Pratchett for getting all of us some news time yesterday.

    Philippa
     
  5. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Sorry to hear about your troubles Phillipa. Dont feel bad for having a moan, its good for you. Theres so much to think about that your brain just has to let some of it go somewhere, so why not here where you've got lots of people who understand and care?

    Do try and get some rest though because as we all know things just seem so much worse when youre tired and run down. Well done for coping and carrying on with a positive attitude. This too will pass. HUGSxx
     
  6. ishard

    ishard Registered User

    Jul 10, 2007
    98
    Signing a DNR is one of the hardest things I had ever had to do for my Dad so I know how bad it makes you feel.
    I panicked two days after signing it and I was a nurse so I knew absolutley that there was no hope for my dad, but it hurts doesnt it?

    Most ward staff when they know the time of passing is near calm everything down so that the patient just simply slips away, gently and undisturbed as I hope your Father will.

    My thoughts and prayer are with you at this awful time. *hugs*
     
  7. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    I just hope they get him on a ward soon. The current wait for a bed at the hospital is 24 hours. We're not allowed to go to visit until 11am. Thanks for your support.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,550
    Kent
    Dear Philippa
    I`m so sorry your father seems to be slipping away. I hope he is not in pain.
    Take care xx
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Philippa

    I'm so sorry that your dad is so poorly. It's a shame that they can't find him a bed, so that you can have some quiet times together. There's not much peace on A&E. I hope they find him a bed soon.

    Keep talking to us, it's not moaning, we do understand how distressing this is.

    Love to all the family,
     
  10. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Dear Phillipa,
    I just wanted to say that I really feel for you. I know it is so frightening and painful to watch someone that you Love with all your heart, slip away..
    Keep posting on TP, we all understand and will give you support at this very diffficult and sad time.

    Love and Hugs,
     
  11. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    155
    Hove
    Hi Phillipa

    You weren't moaning at all, you were just expressing your feelings, and what's wrong with that?

    Your devotion to your dear Dad shines through as does your respect for him. I lost my Dad two years ago - he was 89 - and I still miss him every day. How proud you are that your Dad fought in the war (mine did too) and rightly so. He is in the best place, you know and thank goodness that his suffering will NOT be prolonged, as you have signed the DNR form. Sorry if that doesn't sound right, but I hope that you know what I mean by this.

    We didn't have to "wait" to lose our Dad, he died in the middle of a conversation with my Mum. One second he was there and then he'd gone in a moment. Mum was very shocked and has of course never got over it. She talks about his death sometimes but almost never mentions him. It's as though a river of grief would be released if she did. On the plus side, he died peacefully at home without any pain.

    You seem like a lovely person, Phillipa. Keep us posted, we're all thinking about you.

    Terry Pratchett rocks.

    Susan
     
  12. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks to all of you. I've only just got back from the hospital.

    Dad is STILL in an assessment unit. NHS shorthand for 'we can dump them there, out of the way of A and E, and still meet our government targets.

    Spoke to the nurse - first thing he said was had we signed a DNR form. Hugely caring.

    Dad asked for a toothbrush. They said no as he's nil by mouth. He is unshaven, his face is sore from the oxygen mask. He was soaked through - his pad hadn't been changed for 7 hours.

    They cannot find him a bed. We pointed out that yesterday the consultant said he would hurry one along. They said 'Oh, that's just consultant speak'. He has been in A and E and this unit for 27 hours now.

    My brother and family visited. There were 7 of us with Dad in a large curtained off area. A nurse told us quite abruptly that the rules were only two at a time and that we would have to go to the relatives' room (a small room with a toilet and vomit stains on the floor). We then shuttled back and forth, each pair taking it in turns to have five minutes with him.

    We have complained. We have cried. We're up against a brick wall.

    This is a brand new, flagship hospital. They closed several local hospitals to concentrate on this one. Sadly, no-one seems to have had the foresight to provide enough beds or staff. My hamster shows more common sense.

    Someone his age, in his condition, needs to be on a ward with nurses caring for him.

    Here endeth the rant.

    Philippa

    PS - Dad is still very very poorly but he has been sedated and was sleeping peacefully when I left.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,550
    Kent
    Dear Philippa,

    However upset you are, and I`m sure you are very upset indeed, I do hope you are keeping a log of the treatment, or lack of treatment your father is receiving and will make a formal complaint.

    Please put this neglect and lack of respect in writing to the hospital management, your MP, Ivan Lewis MP and your local councillors. It has also been suggested the local and national press should be informed.

    Until the each citizen in the country realizes it might be their turn next, this disgraceful treatment will comtinue.
     
  14. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks, Sylvia. I will do as you suggest. I hope no-one else has the same treatment.

    Philippa
     
  15. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    124
    Hornchurch,Essex
    Philipa

    dear Philipa,sorrt about your problems,they were exactly like the problems I had with Anna the Queen's hospital in Romford.
    Surely there cant be two hospitals like that in Essex?
    I kicj myself daily that I didnt drage home from that hospital
    she may not have lived longer,but she would have had all the care and love I could give her,not "Not my job to fill her water bottle" or "I've got ten other patients to care for"
    B est of luck Philipa.Fred.
     
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Philippa, that treatment really is disgraceful treatment. Sylvia's right, you need to put in a formal complaint.

    In the meantime, is there a PALS office in the hospital? If so you should speak to them immediately. Unfortunately, they probably don't operate at the weekend, so you've the weekend to get through. Also the staffing situation is likely to be even worse over the weekend, I know I found that.

    I really don't know what to suggest. I just want to offer you all my sympathy. Please let us support you.

    Love,
     
  17. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Thanks Hazel. Yes I know from bitter experience that hospitals close down over the weekends. Dad, bless him, always picks the weekends.

    Fred, yes it is Queen's in Romford. What a bloody shambles.

    Good news, though. Mum, my brother and I have caused a fuss and Dad is being moved to a ward. About time too.

    Whether or not we'll find it tomorrow in that rabbit warren of a place I don't know.

    Thanks so much for caring.

    Philippa
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Oh Philippa, I'm so glad your dad has been moved to a ward. I know what a shambles A&E and assessment wards are, particularly at the weekend. I hope your family will find some peace on your visits now.

    Well done for kicking up a fuss. I'd have done the same.

    Love,
     
  19. Philippa

    Philippa Registered User

    Feb 26, 2008
    41
    Essex
    Fred, just re-read your message. I'm so wrapped up in myself I only focused on the fact you'd said Queens. I am so sorry you had such a rough time with Anna. Maybe we can all make things better if we pull together.

    Sending you lots of love, Philippa xx
     
  20. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Dear Phillipa,
    So glad to hear you're Dad is being moved to a ward. I felt your frustration in your last post.
    Oh, the times we used to visit Mum, and find her soaking wet, to be told 'Oh, we've only just changed her'..
    Or find her hanging out of her bed, 'Well, we've only just moved her'.. What Lies!!
    I could go on..
    I too, hope you have some peaceful visits.
    Love & Hugs,
     

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