Anyone in there 20s caring for loved ones??

[AishaRebecca]

Hi,

I wanted to see if there is anyone out there in there 20s caring for a loved one or helping to care?

I am 26 and help my mum care for my granddad and am finding it hard sometimes. My aunts and uncles do have him on the weekends (and by have him I mean take him out in the day),but in the week and mornings and evenings it's down to mum and I to get him up and dressed and fed etc (all before getting ourselves to work).

In fairness to them, they did come and stay with granddad a whole week so mum and I could have our first holiday together in over 2 years, so they experienced first hand how much we do, but once we returned they went back to their few hours every other weekend, with no one checking how we are week in week out.

I go through a barrage of emotions daily and find I do sometimes resent my granddad (wish is horrid as this disease is not his fault!). I just feel like as well as my mums life being on hold. In some ways mine is too. I know my mum would like me to just get up and go if I ever wanted, but being an only child, I want to be there as her support to give her a rest sometimes. So, I'll sacrifice nights out sometimes or weekends away with my boyfriend.

I just struggle and I know what I'm like as a person, I won't leave unless I feel mum has family support, which when we try to speak to family they get defensive, like we are accusing them of never being there (they don't listen).
My older cousins of a similar age live in their bubble (no living in it I guess...) and I resent that they can just get on living there lives.

I'm just afraid one day I'll wake up, having never really lived my life because I cared "too much" and then will ultimately end up caring for my mum once all the granddad care has ended.

Not sure I'm making much sense to my point but hoping someone out there will understand me....


Thanks.

 

[Pumpkin12]

Hi there

I know and completely understand where you are coming from im only 24 and I care full time for my partners grandad and it's just us! Grandad now goes to a day centre two days week which is a god send I would highly recommend your grandad going to get out the house have a bit of stimulation and not only that it gives you some time as well we too have family that don't help or do little my family help more then his own! I also think resenting is a stage that most people go through I certainly have it is very difficult and challenging at times :/ all you can do is your best and try to get a bit more help and support where you can hope this helps take care


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[the hca2]

Hi,

I wanted to see if there is anyone out there in there 20s caring for a loved one or helping to care?

I am 26 and help my mum care for my granddad and am finding it hard sometimes. My aunts and uncles do have him on the weekends (and by have him I mean take him out in the day),but in the week and mornings and evenings it's down to mum and I to get him up and dressed and fed etc (all before getting ourselves to work).

In fairness to them, they did come and stay with granddad a whole week so mum and I could have our first holiday together in over 2 years, so they experienced first hand how much we do, but once we returned they went back to their few hours every other weekend, with no one checking how we are week in week out.

I go through a barrage of emotions daily and find I do sometimes resent my granddad (wish is horrid as this disease is not his fault!). I just feel like as well as my mums life being on hold. In some ways mine is too. I know my mum would like me to just get up and go if I ever wanted, but being an only child, I want to be there as her support to give her a rest sometimes. So, I'll sacrifice nights out sometimes or weekends away with my boyfriend.

I just struggle and I know what I'm like as a person, I won't leave unless I feel mum has family support, which when we try to speak to family they get defensive, like we are accusing them of never being there (they don't listen).
My older cousins of a similar age live in their bubble (no living in it I guess...) and I resent that they can just get on living there lives.

I'm just afraid one day I'll wake up, having never really lived my life because I cared "too much" and then will ultimately end up caring for my mum once all the granddad care has ended.

Not sure I'm making much sense to my point but hoping someone out there will understand me....


Thanks.

I can understand your frustration and sometimes anger.it's never fair on t he p err r as on that's left to care.your life feels like it's been taken over and not your own anymore.But what a fantastic person you are.To support your mum to help your grandad is an amazing commitment. You are a credit to your family to show and to demonstrate the love and respect that you have for them.you make perfect sense and your not going mad and your quite right to be angry ,frustrated and frightened of w h at th e future holds.but also give your self a huge hug and a pat on the back for doing something that is so important for people who really need it.this as may not be much help but I think your doing well although it may not feel like it.

 

[AishaRebecca]

I can understand your frustration and sometimes anger.it's never fair on t he p err r as on that's left to care.your life feels like it's been taken over and not your own anymore.But what a fantastic person you are.To support your mum to help your grandad is an amazing commitment. You are a credit to your family to show and to demonstrate the love and respect that you have for them.you make perfect sense and your not going mad and your quite right to be angry ,frustrated and frightened of w h at th e future holds.but also give your self a huge hug and a pat on the back for doing something that is so important for people who really need it.this as may not be much help but I think your doing well although it may not feel like it.

Thank you so much for such great words of encouragement.makes all the difference hearing it form a complete stranger.I will continue to be there for my family and hopefully one day they'll be doing a bit more. Thank you

 

[AishaRebecca]

Hi there

I know and completely understand where you are coming from im only 24 and I care full time for my partners grandad and it's just us! Grandad now goes to a day centre two days week which is a god send I would highly recommend your grandad going to get out the house have a bit of stimulation and not only that it gives you some time as well we too have family that don't help or do little my family help more then his own! I also think resenting is a stage that most people go through I certainly have it is very difficult and challenging at times :/ all you can do is your best and try to get a bit more help and support where you can hope this helps take care


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Thank you so much for your response.wow you and your boyfriend are also doing such an amazing job.my grandad does go to a day centre 4 days per week as mum and I both work full time and as you say it's stimulation for him as well.probably why his keeping going as long as he is. I get the emotional side is part and parcel of the tiredness etc hence my getting irritated. Thank you for your encouragement really helps me. You take care too