1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Anyone experience this?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Monkey, May 15, 2007.

  1. Monkey

    Monkey Registered User

    Aug 24, 2006
    15
    London UK
    Hi there. Before I ask my question. A nice thing happened today. I got 2 birthday cards off my mum. My birthday's on July 21st. It sometimes throws up some funny situations all this. :p

    Here's my question/quandry.

    The house next but one to my brothers is available and we might be able to get it for mum to move into. It's not much of a move as they live *literally* about 50 yards away from each other anyway. And she was brought up on this street, having lived now in 5 of the houses there!

    But this way she'd be next door but one, in a smaller house in a better state of repair.

    Is moving someone with AD generally considered a good, or a bad thing?

    She's 65, has had it for about 5 years.

    Any similar experiences you can share, I would be very grateful!

    Regards
    Monkey
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,729
    Kent
    Hi Monkey,

    If your mum lives so close to your brother now, From my experience, I would let her stay where she is, rather than disrupt her with a move.

    Even a move within the same area will still mean she`ll need to get used to a new layout, cupboards in different places etc. I should imagine she will find it very confusing.

    Of course this is only my opinion, based on experience with my husband.
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Monkey

    I agree with Sylvia. In your place I wouldn't consider the move, it could be very upsetting for your mum, especially as she lives so close anyway.

    The only advantage I can see is if there was a financial interest? Perhaps you are hoping to release funds for possible NH fees?

    Even so, I think I'd wait. You don't know if or when your mum will need residential care, and an extra move seems unnecessarily disruptive.

    Just my opinion, of course.
     
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Hi Monkey

    I think I'd agree with the others that a move is probably not a good idea. I can see why it's tempting ..... but it may well not have the advantages you expect. I can think of a few things (small things) that I changed for dad whilst he was living at home, thinking it would make it better/easier for him but it just made it worse because he couldn't adapt. For example, I got him a microwave that was much simpler to use than his current one (no grill options or fancy dials), thinking he'd manage it lots better, but from the moment I got the new one he completely lost the ability to do anything in the microwave and never used it again.

    I also realised, too late, that my tidying up and closing cupboard doors and drawers probably was more a menace than a help. I realise with hindsight he was probably leaving things open and leaving stuff out so he could find it again. Once it's put away and the drawer shut, he'd no idea where it was.

    best wishes
    Á
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,729
    Kent
    If anyone could bear it, I believe the best way to help an AD sufferer would be to remove the doors from every cupboard and wardrobe in the house.
     
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    I have to agree that moving can be very disruptive. It certainly was for my mother. One thing a move will throw great light on, even just a little move as you've described, are your mother's loss of abilities. A person with AD very quickly loses the ability to learn new things, so moving him or her can be completely disorienting.

    People often say that their loved one deteriorated immediately in a nursing home, when it was actually the fact that their inability to cope with change or learn new things was made glaringly obvious.

    Unless there are enormous advantages and you are prepared for a sharp decline in your mother, I would not recommend it. My opinion only.

    Good luck
    Joanne
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Wise words Joanne, we would all do well to remember them.
     
  8. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Hi Monkey,

    Yes, I agree with all the above messages. I've found with my Mum the more we stick to a routine the better. I've tried to change a few little things to make life easier but it just doesn't seem to help at all. And a big thing like a move might be quite scary.

    I know all about getting birthday cards on the wrong day, join the club!!
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #9 Margarita, May 15, 2007
    Last edited: May 15, 2007
    If your mother moveing in to the new home alone , I would aslo agree with all the above , don't move her !

    If she was moveing into new home with someone , as in we move home in Jan 07 , mum took it all ok but after 5 mouths

    Does seem to have had a drop in her memory and a littlie more confused not in her surrounding but in explaining and understanding taking it all in , seem to be going , compared to how she was before the move , my mother also has had AZ for 5 years
     
  10. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Mum could not get used to the reorganisation of her things in the NH for a long time. Would say frequently to me "I can't find anything because you've moved it". After a while she gradually reasserted her own "system" which is surprisingly organised - but more important, one where she can find things.

    I think Joanne's comment about NH is very perceptive. I think Mum coped better than some because her cognitive impairment had more to do with memory than organisation.

    All in all, I'd wait to move your Mum until it becomes essential for some reason - in which case it might be to a care home of some sort. Hopefully this won't be necessary, but it is still a possibility to remember.

    Good Luck with your decision. Remember that the advice we can give on TP does not take into account your (or your Mum's or brother's) personal crcumstances. There may be good reasons (of which we know nothing) to make the move. As always, it is what is best for the individual person with AD and their family.
    Thinking of you.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,729
    Kent
    Dear Joanne,

    You have just given me the best explanation ever, for my husband`s inability to settle into the home we relocated to 5 years ago.

    My husband holds the move responsible for the development of his Alzheimers and spends his life working out how to `go back`.

    I want to thank you so much for removing the guilt my son and I have endured during this time, as your observation about moving to a NH is also so relevant to moving per se.

    I hope you don`t mind, but I have copied your statement and emailed it to my son and sister.

    My son has just got back to me, saying it makes 100% sense.

    You will never know the relief.

    With love
     
  12. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hi Monkey, owing to the distance involved it was necessary to move mum closer to me as dad was in poor health and the only other option was placement.This took place five years ago, mum been diagnosed two years prior to that, it had it's set backs and to move you mum as your stated I feel would not be wise. I got a laugh about your birthday cards, she is a sweetie. My mum use to think people died when they hadn't and she would send out sympathy cards.:eek:
     

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