I've posted often and at length about the difficulties I have with my mother who is recovering (or rather not recovering) from carer breakdown. Loneliness and complete absence of motivation coupled with her depression make her hugely reliant on me. I can't keep it up.
I am having to work more, and want to spend more time with my family but can see it precipitating a downward slide in her condition if she has less company (i.e. less of me). I'd hoped seeing less of me would encourage her to do more of something else but its not happening.
Everything I suggest I get told 'its OK for YOU, you have xxx (husband, daughter, job etc etc) - I've lost everything' - I don't know how to respond to this statement, mainly because it is true, but I cant do anything about it. Does anyone else get this from their family and what do they say? Its something that leaves me dumbstruck every time.
The family home (hers and dads) is sold subject to contract and when its gone and the money is in her account money will not be an issue for her - she keeps saying she doesn't care about money if she's unhappy (which she is, very) so I was starting to think about a paid companion for her. Another 'me' if you like, to take her out and about when she isn't with me.
I have no idea if this is a good idea or not. Anyone have any thoughts or experiences with this kind of care?
I have previously suggested befriending (no good because she always wants to 'escape' from her flat which she says she hates) and she is currently back under the wing of Community Psychiatric services who have given her a list of activities (coffee mornings etc) they would be able to introduce her to (so go with her for a while to see if she likes it) but after showing me the list of things and declaring it useless it has stayed in the envelope and she has done nothing about it. She has a visit weekly from a Community Psychologist but she says that all she does is 'ask her lots of questions which she doesn't see the point of'
She has a minimal care package in her sheltered housing (assistance with showering and laundry/housework) but nothing from a social point of view - although she originally did have social visits worked into her care but cancelled them as they didn't suit her and she couldn't see the point in them 'because they can't make me better' (which is pretty much her approach to everything). She wants a magic pill to make her better. There isn't one.
I am having to work more, and want to spend more time with my family but can see it precipitating a downward slide in her condition if she has less company (i.e. less of me). I'd hoped seeing less of me would encourage her to do more of something else but its not happening.
Everything I suggest I get told 'its OK for YOU, you have xxx (husband, daughter, job etc etc) - I've lost everything' - I don't know how to respond to this statement, mainly because it is true, but I cant do anything about it. Does anyone else get this from their family and what do they say? Its something that leaves me dumbstruck every time.
The family home (hers and dads) is sold subject to contract and when its gone and the money is in her account money will not be an issue for her - she keeps saying she doesn't care about money if she's unhappy (which she is, very) so I was starting to think about a paid companion for her. Another 'me' if you like, to take her out and about when she isn't with me.
I have no idea if this is a good idea or not. Anyone have any thoughts or experiences with this kind of care?
I have previously suggested befriending (no good because she always wants to 'escape' from her flat which she says she hates) and she is currently back under the wing of Community Psychiatric services who have given her a list of activities (coffee mornings etc) they would be able to introduce her to (so go with her for a while to see if she likes it) but after showing me the list of things and declaring it useless it has stayed in the envelope and she has done nothing about it. She has a visit weekly from a Community Psychologist but she says that all she does is 'ask her lots of questions which she doesn't see the point of'
She has a minimal care package in her sheltered housing (assistance with showering and laundry/housework) but nothing from a social point of view - although she originally did have social visits worked into her care but cancelled them as they didn't suit her and she couldn't see the point in them 'because they can't make me better' (which is pretty much her approach to everything). She wants a magic pill to make her better. There isn't one.