Anyone else in their 7th year or more of visiting relative in care home?

[Chris]

Its nearly anniversary day again - of the day Dad died which coincided with the day Mum moved into a care home permanently. For the first time when I start to think of that horrendous week - I stop - instead of going over it minute my minute - with all the what ifs & worse - "why didnt I .... ? " - I put it out of my mind - well try to - and focus on what I can do for Mum now.

After 7 years without her husband and living in a care home for 7 years (now in the 6 th home - due mostly to changing needs but also home closure) Mums spirit hasnt diminished though its almost hidden from view. Shes had vascular dementia for at least 12 and probably 15 or 16 years. That will explain a lot.

Whenever I speak of the problems Mum or I have today - well meaninng people offer lots of ideas - but I sometimes wonder if they really know how life is for Mum now. I thnk perhaps most people , due to other health problems that kick in, dont actually die of their dementia - ?

Is there anyone else on the forum whos relative has had dementia for 15 or 16 years please? I do think it is the length of time that is making the challenges we face now slightly different to those of most people on this forum. Apolpgise if I'm wrong.

Theres sonething missing in the care being given to Mum at the moment - I have this feeling of being driven to search for something - but dont know what I'm looking for - Help !!!!! Maybe there is something in the world of hospice care that might help????

 

[Kriss]

Hello Chris

My heart bleeds for you - my Dad was only in a care situation (specialist ward at local Community Hospital for a couple of months before he passed on with heart failure) - and my Aunt has only been in a residential home for 2 months to date. How have you kept yourself going? The sleepless nights didn't stop when we new they were safe we just have different nightmares. Auntie is certainly in a better physical state now - indeed had she continued at the same rate of decline she would not be with us now. The mini strokes or whatever they were seem to have ceased for the time being. From reading of others experiences I have seen that in general the trend seems to be years not months - how cruel this disease is - and I'm told that no-one actually dies from dementia just the associated problems particularly when it progresses to forcing the sufferer to be bed ridden.

I do hope you find a contact who can share your experiences and offer the comfort that knowing you're not alone brings.

Take Care
Kriss