Its nearly anniversary day again - of the day Dad died which coincided with the day Mum moved into a care home permanently. For the first time when I start to think of that horrendous week - I stop - instead of going over it minute my minute - with all the what ifs & worse - "why didnt I .... ? " - I put it out of my mind - well try to - and focus on what I can do for Mum now. After 7 years without her husband and living in a care home for 7 years (now in the 6 th home - due mostly to changing needs but also home closure) Mums spirit hasnt diminished though its almost hidden from view. Shes had vascular dementia for at least 12 and probably 15 or 16 years. That will explain a lot. Whenever I speak of the problems Mum or I have today - well meaninng people offer lots of ideas - but I sometimes wonder if they really know how life is for Mum now. I thnk perhaps most people , due to other health problems that kick in, dont actually die of their dementia - ? Is there anyone else on the forum whos relative has had dementia for 15 or 16 years please? I do think it is the length of time that is making the challenges we face now slightly different to those of most people on this forum. Apolpgise if I'm wrong. Theres sonething missing in the care being given to Mum at the moment - I have this feeling of being driven to search for something - but dont know what I'm looking for - Help !!!!! Maybe there is something in the world of hospice care that might help????