Lynne,
Thanks for your concern...have gone quiet for the last week or so because:
(a) I have been having a terribly bad week with Dad, not because he was any worse, if anything I think it was because he's been soooo good again it has really made my heart ache, wanting him back...
(b) As Brucie said, I am getting married soon, December 17th (day before my birthday) and perhaps getting organised for this has also made this an extremely difficult time emotionally, because its making me think about love and family and what I thought would happen on my wedding day regarding dad and what is actually going to happen....
(c) University study is winding down, not only for the year but this is my last semester of a 3 year full time course, while I have been working full time shift work at the same time....most would think I'd be dying for the break, but again this lack of lectures and tutorials and things keeping me busy has again had an emotional toll (does anything not??!!
) because again, I am finding myself thinking. At the same time the stress of doing Uni is also not yet fully over as I have two exams this week left to go, so I guess I am in kind of limbo land;
(d) There are a myriad of other slightly smaller changes occurring in my life at the moment,i.e. regarding a new type of employment, step-mum/daughter issues what with the impending wedding, ex-wife issues re impending wedding, family issues because I chose to have only 3 people attend my wedding because of the Dad situation (myself, my husband to be and my step-daughter) and the list goes on...
Lastly...
(e)
This place isn't the same without her passionate posts about her beloved Dad. She scares me at times (but then I'm an old softie )
I am well aware that I am too much for many, I don't like scaring people, and I actually get quite upset thinking that i might offend, scare or hurt people although admittedly at the same time being so opinionated, blunt, not pulling any punches etc to the point that I know I can't expect others to just shrug off my words. I have always struggled with relationships with people, I make a great leader but I am too gung-ho, over-passionate for most to be able to handle being (or want to be) just my friend (i.e. its not very relaxing!!
). Most of the time this is okay, I understand, but during weeks like the ones I have just been having, it gets very lonely as I don't know how to show people that today I am not made of steel, today I am as brittle as thin toffee, so I just go quiet rather than risk that someone assumes I am the woman of steel as usual and accidentally smashes me to pieces!
Did that make any sense??
So thank-you Lynne for toughening up my toffee, a bit of concern shown by others makes me feel like I can take on mountains once more!
Brucie, as always...
Connie, i hope things are going better since the last i read from you after the CPN visit.[Hug]