1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Any1 heard from Australian Nat?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Lynne, Nov 17, 2005.

  1. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    This place isn't the same without her passionate posts about her beloved Dad. She scares me at times (but then I'm an old softie ;) ) but I miss her & hope things haven't taken a drastic turn for the worse 'or anything'. Keeping my fingers crossed ...
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    No Lynne, I havn't heard from her, but think she last posted on 15th. so its early days yet. Lets hope she is taking a well earned rest. Take care, Connie
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Nat is okay - I'm in regular Private Message contact with her.

    I think we all miss her messages but Nat is getting married soon, so has even more things to worry about!!!
     
  4. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Thanks Bruce,

    Thank goodness she has something positive to look forward to and occupy that big heart. Can you tell us when the wedding is?

    Please tell her we're thinking of her, and her Dad.
     
  5. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Lynne,

    Thanks for your concern...have gone quiet for the last week or so because:

    (a) I have been having a terribly bad week with Dad, not because he was any worse, if anything I think it was because he's been soooo good again it has really made my heart ache, wanting him back... :(

    (b) As Brucie said, I am getting married soon, December 17th (day before my birthday) and perhaps getting organised for this has also made this an extremely difficult time emotionally, because its making me think about love and family and what I thought would happen on my wedding day regarding dad and what is actually going to happen....

    (c) University study is winding down, not only for the year but this is my last semester of a 3 year full time course, while I have been working full time shift work at the same time....most would think I'd be dying for the break, but again this lack of lectures and tutorials and things keeping me busy has again had an emotional toll (does anything not??!! :confused: ) because again, I am finding myself thinking. At the same time the stress of doing Uni is also not yet fully over as I have two exams this week left to go, so I guess I am in kind of limbo land;

    (d) There are a myriad of other slightly smaller changes occurring in my life at the moment,i.e. regarding a new type of employment, step-mum/daughter issues what with the impending wedding, ex-wife issues re impending wedding, family issues because I chose to have only 3 people attend my wedding because of the Dad situation (myself, my husband to be and my step-daughter) and the list goes on... :rolleyes:

    Lastly...

    (e)
    I am well aware that I am too much for many, I don't like scaring people, and I actually get quite upset thinking that i might offend, scare or hurt people although admittedly at the same time being so opinionated, blunt, not pulling any punches etc to the point that I know I can't expect others to just shrug off my words. I have always struggled with relationships with people, I make a great leader but I am too gung-ho, over-passionate for most to be able to handle being (or want to be) just my friend (i.e. its not very relaxing!! :eek: ). Most of the time this is okay, I understand, but during weeks like the ones I have just been having, it gets very lonely as I don't know how to show people that today I am not made of steel, today I am as brittle as thin toffee, so I just go quiet rather than risk that someone assumes I am the woman of steel as usual and accidentally smashes me to pieces! :eek: Did that make any sense?? :confused:

    So thank-you Lynne for toughening up my toffee, a bit of concern shown by others makes me feel like I can take on mountains once more! :) Brucie, as always... ;) Connie, i hope things are going better since the last i read from you after the CPN visit.[Hug]
     
  6. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Nat

    yes, it all made great sense.

    I often feel it is a commonly help misconception that the hosts and others who post regularly on here are in some sort of special position, not in the same boat as those who visit less regularly, or who, at the particular time, are in need of advice, and quickly.

    In our posts we do try and explain to people that we are exactly in the same boat as they are. [I like the nautical metaphors, and Norman is the Cap'n here ;) ]

    We may simply be farther down the path, or in a different situation. We may have "been there, done that" and now be up to our necks tackling problems that, some time later, we will be able to shed some light on for others.

    In some cases we will be wrestling with the unthinkable, that our loved one has passed a critical stage and they are where we can't reach them any more... or just today [maybe tomorrow will be better].

    Sometimes we are steering, sometimes navigating or rowing, but there are times when we have to drop everything to bail out water that is lapping at our feet [or our necks], for all we are worth.

    We are none of us travelling First Class here. [except in terms of the company of other members :) ]

    We often read the posts of others and take the path that is normal in the course of the human condition - "someone else will reply to that" or "someone else will have a better answer" or "that doesn't need a reply. When really a quick "I agree", "You are doing a great job" would make a vast difference to the person posting.

    I've done it myself, as we all have. There are many others who write the 'touchy feely' posts far better than I, and with water lapping all around me at present [no, not the bathroom again ;) ], I mostly try to reply to the posts that are most difficult to answer, or that others seem unable to find the words for.

    The journey is a dreadfully painful one, but by golly it is an interesting one. I get by because of my apparent ability to stand aside, if only slightly, and look on my own condition as an objective observer might. Analyst to the end, I might think.......

    Nat, do keep on posting, and don't be too concerned about the sensitivities of others as the content of your posts has never been offensive in any way to anyone, far as I know! :)
     
  7. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    391
    Just to wish you good luck with your exams, and your wedding. I hope it's warmer there than it is here today! And to say that your posts have never offended or upset me. I often don't know how to respond and , rather selfishly, I feel as though I can only deal with a certain amount at any one time, as life with Mum is proving to be quite a challenge. I can't understand a lot of what you're going through, having not experienced it, but I do know how you feel for your Dad, how you love him so much.
    Hope I haven't made things worse! Take care of yourself. Lulu
     
  8. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    As an analyst also, but far less clever than Bruce, I often respond with alternative view points when perhaps I should say nothing!

    I find your posts a refreshing change Nat, and think it's great that we don't have to pretend that we agree on everything, yet at the same time are united when it comes to the love of our Dads. I think it all goes into making TP a really open discussion place where everyone is entitled to their opinion and supported as well.

    I read Lynne's "She scares me at times " as an affectionate tongue-in-cheek comment about admiring how strong you appear (and yet I realise that underneath you're a softie too - and that's not meant as a negative comment.)

    Still, just to let you know that even nasty ol' Hazel is missing our banter and is thinking of you too. :)
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #9 Lynne, Nov 18, 2005
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2005
    :D Got it in one Hazel;
    :rolleyes: Nat, it wasn't in any sense meant as a negative comment.
    I have been known to be opinionated, blunt & not pull any punches myself!
    I'm in no way "offended, scared or hurt", and you're not "too much" for me -
    at least at this distance! (England>Australia = long way away)
    And that's meant tongue in cheek as well!

    Affectionately
     
  10. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    391
    NastY 'ol Hazel? I don't think so. Your replies to my pleas and confusions in time of need have been of such help.
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Nat, glad that you are back on board. Try not to wear yourself out before the 'big day'.

    Thanks for thinking of me, nothing new to report. Love, Connie
     
  12. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Nat, hope all goes well for you, please tell us about the wedding when you get a chance. Love She. XX :)
     
  13. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    I think the important point about TP is that we can say whatever we like. Sure, lots of people may disagree & we can have a spirited discussion & some headon collisions. But the point is for us to be able to say whatever we need to, to help ourselves.

    To quote Voltaire "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it".

    Best wishes for the wedding, exams and all the sundry things in between.

    And I SOOOO understand about how the good times (with your Dad) can be harder to deal with than the bad times some days. My crying days are usually the ones when Mum has had a really good day & it only emphasizes our losses even more.
     
  14. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Dear Nat

    I too married just 12 weeks ago and just four and a half month's after my mum (whom I was the carer for, she had Alz) died.

    Far from it being a difficult day, it was quite wonderful. I felt incredibly happy and I felt my mother's happiness for me.

    I hope you have a truly wonderful wedding day. It is so special, so treasure every moment, because one thing I do know is how quickly the day passes and is over. My one wish for my wedding day was that it had lasted longer.

    They gave me a great send off here on TP. I sat and read all the lovely posts on the morning of my wedding and thought of "my other family (TP)" as I walked up the aisle with dad. I got strength here to get through my day which I thought would be so difficult without mum, but wasn't.

    Hope things are better for you today.

    All best wishes for your wedding.
     
  15. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Australian Nat report

    Just so you know i haven't disappeared, am going to be pretty quiet this week as well as I am snowed under with exam revision. An exam on Tuesday and one on Saturday and then I am finished. So no deep and meaningful reason for being absent this time, just practical time issues! :eek:

    See y'all back here in a week, though if I get the time I will pop in..and then there's always the chance of a dementia 'incident' occurring in which case I may need to vent regardless of the lack of time I have for everything else. :eek:
     
  16. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Good luck Nat, our thoughts are with you. Lotsaluv, She. XX
     

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