1. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    88
    Surrey
    Mum is now out of hospital for the second time, things are a little bit better she 'now has a nice lady who talks too much' come round every morning and evening to make sure she takes her tablets. Her CPN visits twice a month to give her a depo injection, [this should stop her phoning the police at all hours to report the man next door for plotting to murder her]. She is still ringing me to deal with every problem that comes up, even if it is only to say a lady on the street looked at her in a funny way. I have just had to take her car to be repaired and mot even though thank God she is not driving it at the moment. But she tells every one she is better now and doe's not need any help. If I miss going to see her one day she phones me to say she has not spoken to another living soul all day, and her days are endless if I cant visit. She has friend that offer to visit her ,but she puts them off because of bizzare things she thinks they have said or done. While in hospital she was taken for a brain scan and we were told if there was anything that showed up we would be told. We have heard nothing so still have no answers. Her Doctor told me she has dementia but as she is only 67 they do not know why. I do know she is not the youngest but am left with questions. Also her social worker told me to get power of attorney when I rang a solicitor I was told Mum has to do the arranging of it not me. When i spoke to Mum about it she say's we dont need that as there is nothing wrong with her. Help now what. I work full time have a disabled child, am a single parent, Iam at present filling in forms to claim DLA for my daughter , attendance allowance forms to pay for mums carer. I only get time to look on this web site about once a month. all of my time is taken up with work running up to Mums the children and colapsing into bed any ideas for better ways of coping.???
     
  2. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Panda,
    It sounds as though you are an only child like me and my Mum could also be very possessive of my time. She made endless demands, especially when my children returned home from University or work to spend a holiday break with us. I found that it was necessary to set some boundaries for her, and I had to be a little hard and say that she could spend the day with us all, but I couldn't come round and spend time with her, if I had the children home for a few days.
    You must have a lot to do with a disabled child at home and she is a priority. Could you talk with your Mum's friends and ask them to visit, even if your Mum says "No." Perhaps they could talk about the POA issue with her and say that it would be a good idea. Sometimes older people will listen more to a friend of their own age.
    I think that if the SW and Carers are already involved in your Mum's care, they will see whether she is genuinely needing more help, or is just trying to get more attention. She is probably frightened by some of her symptoms, but doesn't want to actually admit to anyone that she is ill. Once the hospital review their test results, you may have some answers to your questions. All you can do at the moment is to take one day at a time, and perhaps find someone to help you fill in the forms, so that money is made available for carers.
    Kayla
     
  3. Blue_Gremlin

    Blue_Gremlin Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    89
    Morecambe, UK
    panda

    We had the same answer from the solicitor when we asked about EPA for Jean (husband's grandmother) so we went ahead and did it anyway ourselves. Just get the forms and fill them in yourself. As long as your mum 'understands' what she is signing and the witness thinks she does too then it is legal. As for her not being willing try playing on a 'it is a precaution for the future' tactic and the 'it is just to put my mind at rest' arguement too. She may do it if she thinks it will make you feel better and thinks it is for 'in the future'. We explained it as 'a form so that they will let us sort out your bills and stuff' and that went down ok as Jean doesn't understand paperwork at the best of times.

    I hope that helps.

    As for the ways of coping I am sorry but I am fresh out of those ideas, you just 'do' because you have to. But remember you have to have time for you- and I know that sounds insane with what you have to contend with but any chance you get to look after you - take it!! You are no use to anyone if you are exhausted and feel like banging your head against something hard - believe me I ahve been there many a time!!!!

    Take care, and if there is anything I can do to help or if you just want to moan at someone in private just message me *hug*

    Blue_Gremlin
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Look at the thread Powerof attorney, I have posted in it to bring near the top of the list.
    Love Helen
     
  5. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    88
    Surrey
    Thank yoy

    Thank you for the support,:) Mums friends are not that close that they would be able to give her advice , she would not listen any way. I know that some times ,I have to be strong and not go running to her house every day, she can get herself out to the shops for a paper and little bits [bottles of brandy which she has been told not to drink because they do not mix well with the medication. Also she is diabetic] :( But when I think about her being confused and on her own all day the guilt sets in, so I cant win any way. I will have a look now at the POA thread and thanks again for the help xx
     

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