1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Beannie

    Beannie Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    94
    East Midlands
    Hi everyone,

    Went to D's care home today to take him out for a cuppa and a cake. When I got there they said he was having a bad day!!! he couldn't go to the toilet and pull up his shorts, and had needed assistance in other ways. He was listening to my conversation with one of the Staff and he pipes up 'I am homesick' my heart sank as these are the words I have been dreading hearing for the last 6 weeks. I talked to him over a cuppa to find out what had caused this to happen. I also tried to gently remind him of the dreadful circumstances that had brought us to this position and he told me (as best he can as he has verbal communication problems caused by the AD and Parkinsons) that he will deal with this in his own way. Not sure if I should be glad or sad about this.

    I was considering bringing him home for the afternoon next week but feel this would not be wise. If he asks to visit home should I agree?
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,719
    Female
    London
    No I wouldn't. He has to be given time to settle, and home for him might not even be where he last lived, but his childhood home or a general place of safety. Don't expect too much of him in terms of understanding this, just say you'll take him another day.
     
  3. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    Hi,

    I am probably not the right person to give you advice as I am like you but with my mum. She moved to a higher category home 5 weeks ago and we have fetched her out twice, one good day, one very bad day. On the bad day we had real problems getting her back into the home and we said never again, but then we decided to try again and took her to visit great-grandchildren, this was a better outing, but at 3pm her mood started to change, so had to get her back before we encountered the same as before.

    I would suggest not to take her to your home (this was the bad visit) but somewhere just out, to the pub or a cafe maybe.

    Everyone is different though, so you would have to see how you got on and then decide.

    May be someone will be able to advise you better than me.

    Good luck
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    I'm not sure about the home visit, I did it with my mum just before we sold her house. She's asked about it a couple of times but that's all in 2 years. Went inside and she said "What have you brought me here for?" If it's possible to take him out I'd go somewhere neutral, coffee shop at the local garden centre if he was a gardener, anywhere with a nice view where he can see a bit of the world, picnic in the car even.
    I did that several times with my mum, a local lake full of ducks, geese and swans anything where there's something to look at.
    Others will no doubt have success stories with a home visit others spectacular fails.
    I'd try a trip out, then see if he remembers it next time you visit, if the memory has gone then I guess if you did take him to the house he'd forget that too just as quickly.
    K
     
  5. Beaky144

    Beaky144 Registered User

    Nov 3, 2014
    22
    Hi Beannie

    Sorry to hear about your dad. My mum is in a care home and constantly says she wants to go home which is utterly heartbreaking. I have been advised by carers and her doctors not to take her home and she is taken out to the pub, to exercise glasses and shopping which she really enjoys but as much as I dream of bringing her home I can't.

    As someone has mentioned as the disease declines it is likely that "home" doesn't actually mean their former house but more it's the idea of being happy in a familiar environment. This might be the home they grew up in or another place from the past.

    Sorry that doesn't really help and sending you lots of love

    Jo xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    Hi, I took my mum out for a drive today and we stopped to have an ice cream and watched the waves on the beach. She sat in the car, ate her ice cream and then wanted to go back. I took her back to the home where she has been since January and she didnt recognise it, followed me around and wanted to come out with me when I left. It was so distressing. I had to get one of the carers to distract her so I could leave. I am at a loss as to what to do for the best. She has only just started wanting to come out, mainly to drive around and I was happy that she wanted to do this. Now I dont know whether it is a good thing. I feel completely lost in dealing with this disease. I seem to take one step forward and five steps back. You have my sympathy!
     

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