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Any recommendations for a good and informative book

Discussion in 'Books, film and music' started by Morganlefay, Feb 10, 2019.

  1. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I don't think any of us can work out how a PWD's brain is working. If you've read any of Norm's thread, you will see that he suffers with torment and confusion, sadness and anger and much of the time he really struggles.

    Perhaps we shouldn't try to work it out but perhaps that for one little moment, whatever is happening in that person's mind, that is how it is and we should accept it for what it is. The next minute it could all change and then you are back to square one.

    If you want to know what is going on in someone's head because you are trying to anticipate what to do next then good luck with that. Just think about how hard it is to work out what is going on in a well person's head, and you will realise that it is just not really possible.
     
  2. Big feet pete.

    Big feet pete. Registered User

    Nov 6, 2017
    53
    Male
    Suffolk
    Yes a book called the sefish pigs guide to caring its a must have for people like you i cared on my own for 10 years for my wife who is now i care home and the amount of times i turned to book for guidence look it up on line the selfish pig s guide to careing trust me ots a must have book for carers.
     
  3. Big feet pete.

    Big feet pete. Registered User

    Nov 6, 2017
    53
    Male
    Suffolk
    The selfish pigs guide to careing ( book )
     
  4. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    479
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    It's by Martin Slevin
     
  5. Mitch60

    Mitch60 Registered User

    Jun 13, 2018
    23
    Yes! ...thanks
     
  6. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,308
    Male
    Torquay Devon

    Lewy Body Soldier, written by someone actually living with this disease xxxxxx
     
  7. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,308
    Male
    Torquay Devon
    The Lewy Body Soldier was written by someone actually living with this disease xx
     
  8. WA123

    WA123 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2018
    85
    I so agree with this and with the lowering of expectations in the post further down. The lowering of expectations is very helpful on the road to acceptance and I've found that lowering them on my part has led to a natural change in expectations so that I am now rarely disappointed. I too have noticed that my moods definitely affect how my husband is feeling and if I am the slightest bit irritated by anything my husband does his confidence is knocked to rock bottom which always leads to one of those never ending, circular arguments. However it also works in the other direction. If I am calm and relaxed so is he even if I have to leave the room compose myself and go back in again. If I do that the atmosphere can change from stressful anger to lightheartedness as though someone has flicked a switch. It's so hard to do but definitely worth it. A smile on his face always puts a smile on mine.
     
  9. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    I am please to hear this. I find I have to avoid anything that can be construed as a criticism in any way.
    I just asked that a door was shut after him when he finished, a sharp retort was I was just going to do that.
    A sharp stare too, I avoided eye contact and mildly said Oh I just did not want you to get cold.
    The mood dropped to normal and all was fine.
    Problem is we are not mind readers but we are body readers. This a skill worth developing if it is not natural. I used to refer to it as our animal instinct that help us survive.
    We all have it it is just latent in some. It can seem like hard work but it works in all situations most of the time.
    We can all be caught unawares. I think of it as trying to be in a lower gear, slow, steady.
     
  10. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    I find exactly the same, a good reason to look after ones own needs the best we can too, every positive has an effect overall. X
     
  11. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    Wow, WA, just found your blog, amazing and wonderful should be on everyone's reading list!

    Www.memoryfortwo.com
     
  12. WA123

    WA123 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2018
    85
    t
    thank you. Starting that was the best thing I think I ever did if only because it helps me focus on the positive.
     
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,202
    Know what, you guys ... I am so envious of you because there was never really time for me to try and develop strategies with my husband. After diagnosis, which came as a total shock (he was referred to hospital following a fall, had a scan which showed up fairly severe dementia, and believe me, had very few noticeable symptoms) and about a year of lovely togetherness, he just went downhill so fast it was hard to keep up with. Anyway, now, as you know, he is in his lovely nursing home and happy. It is full of lovely young women, he is fed well and cared for.
    with love and best, Kindred. so good to read this thread.
    xxx
     
  14. WA123

    WA123 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2018
    85
    that must have been so hard @kindred. I think what helps me is that the decline is slow and manageable at the moment and the strategies do work. The diagnosis came as a complete shock to me to although I have to say not to any of our friends. In my case I only saw what I wanted to see. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to watch the one you love decline in front of your eyes.
     
  15. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    We had a slow slow decline most of that was absorbed and adapted to as ageing. We had friends and neighbours who had varying degrees, many lived alone so again as friendly neighbours it was absorbed into the community. I think many thought there for the Grace of God go I. I think people are remarkably tolerant if we let them be. I knew a retired GP who wandered, the villagers knew him well and brought him home.
    We have someone living in the village who has Carers in and manages to live happily if ruefully. She knows she muddles but copes. She know what she wants and does not want too! Everyone looks out for her.

    A sudden serious decline is very different and the care you give to Keith and the others is a shining example of all kind of love, this is our best weapon for most things.
    I do think that there comes a time when for physical reasons we need to get extra help either at home or in a safer place.
    Perhaps as a society we just expect to much of all people, using IT, fewer offices to sort things out, less local shops, transport.

    Whether care is at home or in a home, it is still very tough.
    Seeing how someone deteriorates when they had been so able is painful.
    I know I have to be grateful for what we have while we have it.
     
  16. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,409
    East of England
    I have taken a leap and booked a cruise for March on the ‘do it now’ principle. Two reasons really, I have managed to get annual travel insurance, also he loves cruises and seems to know when I talk about it, saying he likes doing this and that, although he had forgotten about it the minute it was done. Even though it won’t be all plain sailing, to coin a phrase, I shall enjoy being looked after too, and at least I know the score now and I know he will need even more care. I am either foolhardy or wise to do it while we can and only time will tell.
     
  17. WA123

    WA123 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2018
    85
    I think you need to do things while you can so congratulations on taking that great leap of faith and at least it's a holiday where you will have people to call on if you have a problem. Good luck and maybe we'd all (or at least some of us) would like to hear how it went when you get back.
     
  18. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,409
    East of England
    @WA123 Thank you for your encouragement, I am just hoping for a good holiday. We won’t do much but enjoy the ship. I shall report back because it is when I read other people trying a holiday it helps me. It is really interesting that he has been enthralled by the website looking at the photos and videos which brought back memories of last year, so I think it will be lots of rewatching now. It is giving him an interest even though I have to keep reminding him. Tonight he asked me where he was sleeping so his mind must be a bit muddled by the talk.
     
  19. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    I love your idea of enjoying the ship. I have watched people being herded on and off ships and thought how tired many of them have looked.
    Sometimes less really is more.
    Once we were on a barge sailing near Paris. We decided against a trip on shore, we had the boat to ourselves plus crew.
    As we sailed on there was an amazing storm, steam rose as hail hit the water ahead, it had a magical quality we often remembered.
    Where are you going?
     
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,426
    A positive user friendly web site you all may like is www.greatergood.com
    It is a from Berkeley University.
    You can sign up for a monthly newsletter, there are many things to look at and explore. E.g. a selfcompassion exercise, scientific research on the human condition, a good article on loneliness.
     

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