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Any help please

cider

Registered User
Jan 21, 2009
9
sussex
Hi I havent been on here for a long time. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago at 58 with alzheimers. He was then told it may be frontal temporal dementia. He has been on a reasearch programme had loads of different tests done, including lumber punctures. We have now been told that he has a very complicated form. Out of the blue he has suddenly told me that he doesnt want to be with me anymore, hasnt loved me for years etc. We were away on holiday when this happened. I had no idea this was going to happen and has shocked all my family and friend. He has been very angry, verbally abusive and horrible. He left our home yesterday and gone to stay with family. Does anyone know how divorce goes in these cases, he says he wants to go and see a solicitor. He hasnt worked for two years and I was his appointed person. I am devastated but am worrie about him. Thanks for listening.
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
What a terrible situation! Do you think it is the disease which has caused this upset in him? Is there any one in the family who could talk to him for you and find out what is behind it all? Could he be trying to spare you from what is to come do you think?

I do not know how far his dementia has progressed and so cannot guess at the answers to the above.

I hope that you get some family support at this time.

xxTinaT
 

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
West Yorkshire
Hi Cider

So sad to read your post you must be crushed, surely this is a result of the disease, does he have a social worker, I am no expert by any means but he is vunerable and needs expert help, as I'm sure you do too.

Hope you find help

Turmoil
 

rjm

Registered User
Jun 19, 2012
744
Ontario, Canada
Hi Cider,

What a terrible situation. This is surely arising from the dementia, unfounded suspicions and/or feelings are not at all uncommon, neither is trying to drive away those who care the most about you. I would think you should best get advice from a solicitor for yourself. I have no idea how divorce would happen under these circumstances but competence must come into it.

best wishes,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,710
Kent
Hello Cider.

This is a nightmare for you.

I have no idea of the state of your marriage pre dementia, or whether you want to go through with this or not.
Does your husband have the wherewithal to conduct an application for divorce without your help or cooperation?

As long as you are sure he is safe, living with family, perhaps you can tell him you will go along with anything he wants but will do nothing to help him.

Then you might be able to see how capable he is, whether he really wants a divorce or is threatening it to provoke you.

I think I would sit back and let him do his worse. I doubt he will get far.
 

chrisuz

Registered User
May 29, 2012
94
East Yorkshire
I am so sorry to read your post. My husband has been dx with FTD. He also has said the same things to me many times. He particularly has repeatedly said he does not love me and has not for years. I actually believe that he is telling the truth, as FTD robs the sufferer of most emotions, in him only anger remains. 5 yrs ago he did leave, no explaination, he just didn't want to be married any more and have to consider anyone but himself. I couldn't stop him but within a month his life was in chaos and he was sleeping in his car and wanted to come back. This was all pre dx, though I'm sure he had been ill for several years before. Eventually he did come back but on my terms, and I have to say the whole relationship changed after that. I care for him and will continue to for as as long as I am able, but now threats of him leaving no longer devastate me, I have told him it is his choice but to think very carefully as he may well not just walk back in when it suits him like last time. It's almost as if now his threats have lost their power to poleaxe me they no longer have any purpose for him. Very manipulative. But I do do believe he knows something is wrong but can't understand what, and as he is obviously absolutely fine, the fault must be with me. He now is having speech problems, memory issues and tremors and mobilty issues which he totally accepts, but perception problems and behavioural issues don't exist to him. He tells people the problems he accepts are all side effects of medication he is taking, and any marital problems are because I am so differcult, and very convincing he is too, until other people find themselves on the receiving end.