Any help or advice welcome please

eastanglia

Registered User
Aug 11, 2009
47
0
Hello,

I have this morning had a call from a cousin whose mother is 89 and has the beginings of dementia. She has not been diagnosed as such and is just forgetful and not good at remembering to take tablets, follow instructions and such.

My cousin lives about 40 miles from her mother and is trying to look after her as well as she is able. My aunt has very bad leg ulcers and was hospitalised with them in June. She fell in hospital and broke her wrist one night when trying to get to the toilet without help. The wrist is now repaired and good. She was transferred under the nhs to a nursing home once they had got her medication sorted and the legs were beginning to improve slightly although they said that it could take a year to heal the ulcers. My aunt didn't like the nursing home, the staff or anything about the place and refused to leave her room. She accused staff members of stealing things (which had been taken home for safekeeping by cousin and aunt had forgotten) and upset several of them by keeping notes on staff's attendance on her and complained if they were late in coming to do things like change dressings etc.

My cousin visited twice a week and also kept her mothers house ticking over by doing gardening, attending to post and washing all her mothers clothes so that they smelled like home. My cousin is single, aged 64 and not in the best of health herself with arthritis and has no-one in the way of partner or children to support her.

My aunt persuaded the doctor that she would be better at home and was released from hospital yesterday. My cousin was not happy at the prospect as she thinks her mother is not capable of looking after herself. Carers are going in four times a day for 15 minutes and a district nurse is visiting daily to look at and dress the leg ulcers. My aunt is on morphine tablets apparently for the pain.

My cousin phoned this morning in tears saying she is at the end of her tether - her mother tries to take the bandages off herself, and by turns asks my cousin to kill her or accuses her of not looking after her and "betraying" her. They both had no sleep last night as aunt was in pain (not having had the tablets which care home said were supposed to have been prescribed by doctor).

My cousin had three cats and unfortunately one had to be put down yesterday, making things even worse. She is going over this morning to her mothers to do shopping and housework and the doctor is visiting this afternoon. She sounded awful this morning and I know is at breaking point. I offered to help but she says there is nothing I can do. Her mother accuses her of betrayal if she finds out that she has discussed the situation with anyone else.

Sorry for the long post - I really don't know what to do to help her - does anyone have any ideas please? I'm visiting aunt on Friday and taking my mother (her sister) and will do any gardening required.

Sorry for rambling post - hope you get the gist of the situation.

Thanks in advance
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
0
London
one thing that may help is to sort out her pain medication ...make sure she is on enough and getting it regularly
 

eastanglia

Registered User
Aug 11, 2009
47
0
one thing that may help is to sort out her pain medication ...make sure she is on enough and getting it regularly

Thanks - yes I hope that will be sorted this afternoon with the doctors visit.
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,737
0
NeverNeverLand
I hope your cousin can talk to the doctor as she talks to you. And she should go and see her own doctor to keep her own health under review.

It sounds as if her mother will be back in hopital soon.

The only thing I can think of is that you send/contact the doctor with the salient facts you have given us. The doctor cannot say anything to you at all. But they can add your communication to the patient's notes and that could really help.