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Any help advice be good!


Registered User
Mar 23, 2015
Mams been in respite for three weeks this coming Wednesday. She is staying in as Tuesday coming is having a lesion from her bladder removed and then biopsies, so the social worker said its best Mam goes back to the care home till next week then We decide what the next step is.

Mam has to have four carers per day to be allowed back home due to being unable to prepare meals safely and to take her pills properly and regularly.

The social worker can't get the carers four times per day as Mam lives in the sticks a bit and so the agency's keep replying to the social worker it isn't possible to go four times.

The social worker had said to me the only way it could work is if it comes from personal budget and someone has to manage it I don't understand what that entails, does anyone know what it means?

Basically, the social worker is giving Mam a chance at home if we can get four carers set up to see if the lesion has been causing a lot of the confusion, if Mam seems worse at home and wanders on an evening again I think it's permanent care home.

The awful thing is I want Mam to be within biking distance of me if and when she goes in a home but she does seem settled in respite there.

The strain is a lot to bare, I've been today to see Mam to sew labels in her clothes and felt physically sick with stress while there. She is oblivious as they were getting ready to go on a trip out.:)



Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
North East
How do you feel about it all? If she managed to come home and have 4 carer visits a day do you think that would be enough? Or is she happy enough in a care home setting?
Try and forget about what was in the past (impossible I know but do try) and look objectively about what is best for her.
If you do decide to pay for care yourselves then can you afford it is the next question, and for how long.


Registered User
Mar 23, 2015

Thanks Susy,

Before Mum went into respite she started wandering and would ring me three times a day even when I went to Mams and I did worry she was lonely as well. I did worry on an evening when the last carer had called she would wander and found it hard sleeping just wondering what she is doing. In the home I know she is safe inside. I suppose I'm just hoping her op might make her feel better. I guess if she stays in a home I will always wonder how would she of been at her own home with more carers and feel we should try and then if it doesn't work out it would be a care home permanently. I think Mum would have to sell her home to pay for her care though.

It's hard to realise how old she is, you think where have the years gone and the trouble is Mum will say yes to anything either way, she gets very emotional if you asked her directly what she would like to happen, the Social Worker did and I don't think Mam knows.

Before she went in respite she didn't remember her home of 50 years anymore. I don't know how she would feel going back home with no one there unlike a care home where there are people and I can imagine they get fond of the staff. She does look less tired than going in there. I think she has good and bad days.

The whole situation is leaving me in turmoil really as to what to do for the best, we'll have to decide by the end of next week, the social worker is going to assess how Mam is then.


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