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Any have a parent to had a stroke before their 40s ?

Man-Argentina

New member
Jan 11, 2021
2
0
Hi. I think my mother have whats called Vascular Dementia. She had a stroke (severe one, including some days in coma, and a tracheotomy) before their 40s.

She is 61 now. Im 28. She have an irrational thinking, but no delutions, she is very obsessive, she is very emotionally sensitive, but also have bursts of anger that makes hard to spend time with her, she is always in a bad mood. She have short memory issues (but long term 100% good).

She likes to critcize compulsively to all people, the neighbours, the people on the TV. She likes to say how superior is too everyone else.

She also feels attacked by other people thinking "they think they are better than me".

She still talks about the family of my father, which they cutted relationship with her since the divorse more than 10 years ago.

She micromanages me when I go to visit her, she asks me to make a hole on the yard, she doesnt like how I do it, she criticize because she thinks Im not using the right tool or Im doing it the right way.

I clean the floor and she doesnt likes the way I do it, or the way I talk, etc, etc, etc.

Her house is a mess ! I can barely walk in the kitchen because is full of stuff, the table is so full sometimes there is no space to even put a plate or a glass with water, the sink is full of stuff.

She dont want to tide up, she "cant see" the mess makes her hard to walk around the house. She feels attacked if I talk her about tide up the house.

This is something really gives me a bad time. Visit her and see the house so disgusting. She doesnt likes to open the windows, and the weather now is so hot, be there its like a torture.

Im honest and say I havent help her the right way this last years, I have lot of problems too. Im the only one who help her and talks with her. She is mad at me, she likes to be vervally passive-agressive with me. And I came to the limit I cant do much.

Im not really looking for advices here. Just to see if I can find other people to relate.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,394
0
Kent
Hello @Man-Argentina Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

I`m sure many people here will be able to relate to your post.

I think you have realized however distressing it is for you to see the state your mother is living in, nothing you say or do will help her see this is not the best way.

If you can possibly visit without criticising the way she is living and just visit to make sure she stays safe and has food in the house, it might make it easier for you.

If you are in Argentina, have you visited this web site;


You may also find this link helpful;

 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,092
0
Hello @Man-Argentina

My mum also has vascular dementia. She had several minor stokes many years ago, after which she became much more aggressive and paranoid. A larger stroke, just a few years ago made her much more confused and unable to live at home any longer. As @Grannie G says, although it is distressing to see your mum living in this way, it's very difficult to do much about it. I used to frantically clean my mum's bathroom and kitchen while she was in another room or was asleep.

It's very difficult but your mum can probably feel that things aren't right and that will be making her more aggressive. It's generally the person closest who gets the worst of it I'm afraid. If you can persuade yourself that she is being this way because she is ill, it might help a little.

Is your mum taking any medication? If she will accept help from a doctor, they might be able to prescribe something to make her feel better. Does she ever see a doctor for any reason?
 

Man-Argentina

New member
Jan 11, 2021
2
0
Hello @Man-Argentina

My mum also has vascular dementia. She had several minor stokes many years ago, after which she became much more aggressive and paranoid. A larger stroke, just a few years ago made her much more confused and unable to live at home any longer. As @Grannie G says, although it is distressing to see your mum living in this way, it's very difficult to do much about it. I used to frantically clean my mum's bathroom and kitchen while she was in another room or was asleep.

It's very difficult but your mum can probably feel that things aren't right and that will be making her more aggressive. It's generally the person closest who gets the worst of it I'm afraid. If you can persuade yourself that she is being this way because she is ill, it might help a little.

Is your mum taking any medication? If she will accept help from a doctor, they might be able to prescribe something to make her feel better. Does she ever see a doctor for any reason?
Yes she takes medication, and have the same psychiatrist since all this started, and once in a while she talks with him. About meds she is ok.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,092
0
Can you contact the psychiatrist about these problems in confidence? Perhaps a change in medication could improve things.