I have never been on a forum before so this is a bit new to me. My mum was officially diagnosed with alzheimers 11 months ago. Took a long time to get a diagnosis. She started showing symptoms 3 years ago. I gave up work to be her full time carer last year. She's a very proud lady who has lived a truly remarkable life. She has always been a very private person who's courage, compassion & strength of character has has helped so many people over the years. She has sacrificed so much of herself to help others. She is the bravest and most caring person I have ever known. I have read people's stories on this forum but have never posted a comment. I felt that in doing so I would be betraying her. I feel like I am betraying her as I write this. She taught me to be strong & deal with whatever life threw at me. With her love & support I did just that. Yes I too am a very private person. But I am lost. I want to do the best for her & make her happy. I think I'm failing miserably. She is 90 years old but certainly doesn't look it. I hate saying this but I feel like I've lost my mum & She's been replaced by a stranger who looks exactly like her. My mum was always so immaculate but now she gets angry when I gently suggest she has a bath or changes her clothes. She says she doesn't have any other clothes. She has 2 wardrobes full. Every morning after making her breakfast & giving her medication I lay out clothes for her. Some days she doesn't want to eat anything & changes back into the clothes she wore the day before. If I leave the room for any reason she gets anxious & calls me. Even when I'm in the shower. If I go out I tell her where I'm going & how long for. I also leave a note to tell her I've gone to the shops & will be back in 30mins. She is just so frightened to be alone. It breaks my heart to see her so afraid. I have learnt to cope with the constant repeating of questions & the telling of old stories but sometimes I just want to cry because I hate what alzheimers is doing to her & to be honest I miss my mum. I feel guilty for being weak when I should be able to cope. I have siblings but none of them are remotely interested in her care. They are only interested in her will & on their very rare visits question her about it which upets her. After they've gone she says they are waiting for me to die. I comfort her the best I can. She then forgets about it & hails them as they came all this way to see her. 2 miles isn't that far. Some don't come at all & others once a year. They stay for a short while then nothing. Don't even call her. I'm trying to cope but I feel so alone. I gave up my career & my relationship to care for my mum. It was my decision. I simply could not leave her alone. She refuses help from anyone else. Won't have day carers & won't go to any social groups. She says she doesn't need anyone else she has me. SS have been round. They are arranging handrails & bath chairs etc but cannot do anymore as mum refuses anything they offer. She says please don't ever get married & leave me. She forgets how old I am. She sometimes mentions my soul mate & says you should have married him. Then it's back to please never leave me. I feel so guilty sometimes. I miss my life, my partner & my career. Then I think of what my poor mum is going through & I know I could never leave her. My siblings now ignore my calls & text mssgs. Only 1 keeps in touch. I hear from them about the others. They all talk about her will & how much they will get. It's heartbreaking. I can't believe they can be so cruel. I miss them as we all used to be so close but I hardly recognise them now. Sorry I didn't intend to ramble on for so long... would appreciate any advice.