1. dotty12

    dotty12 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2013
    19
    Mum had heart failure 6 weeks ago and on returning home from hospital I offered to sleep over for a few nights as she was unsteady on her feet, is diabetic and has dementia.... too much for my 88 yr old dad to cope with. 6 weeks on I am still there - she wakes up for the loo , snacks, pad changes etc etc between 5 & 10 times a night. I thought I would cope but am now struggling. I have a supportive husband but I can see the strain appearing. I have 3 siblings who do nothing to help. To cut a long story short I cannot continue with no sleep and then days of medical appointments and trips out. Any advice please - how can I start this off and maintain a good relationship with the parents??
     
  2. Anniewragby

    Anniewragby Registered User

    Mar 20, 2013
    46
    My advice - and I know I am not good at taking this - is ask for help. You can not carry on like this - adult social care, GP, community mental health team whoever - ask for help. Tell your siblings, keep thm updated daily, underline whatyou are doing and ask for help.
    Good luck,
     
  3. oneloopylady

    oneloopylady Registered User

    Oct 16, 2011
    263
    Hi Dotty. I am sorry that you are going through this. I was in a similar position, trying to juggle two homes and care for my dad in his house whilst trying to keep my own life 'balanced'....and it doesn't work, sadly. The person with dementia requires such a lot of input and attention that the carer just goes into meltdown, which is where I was until I joined TP, and where you seem to be now.

    Is there any way that you could a care package in, and call it housekeeping, if she isn't willing to have carers? Or even get a couple of night shift carers involved? Has your mother got a social worker? Sometimes they can arrange care, depending on your parents finances - my dad is self funding and frankly the care package costs a fortune, but I simply don't care, because he is safe, well looked after, and I have my life back and now I can be a 'daughter' and not a washed out weeping overworked carer!

    My dad thinks all the carers are 'housekeepers' and though he is immobile and they hoist him everywhere, he thinks their primary job is to cook and clean so he doesn't resent them as much.....

    please do ask for help, and if you have a good GP then they are often a good starting point.

    Hugs
    Trisha
     
  4. dotty12

    dotty12 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2013
    19
    thanks

    Thanks for that..... the sort of big sister advice I needed to get on and do something. :)
     
  5. oneloopylady

    oneloopylady Registered User

    Oct 16, 2011
    263
    Aw, Dotty, this is a hard path we travel, and most of us are still learning, and things change daily.... we can only be what we can be, and do what we can do... as many friends on here say constantly, 'we are not super humans'.

    You just look after you, give yourself a break - sounds to me like you ARE doing a great job already, so give yourself a little praise once in a while for the good you do, and try not to beat yourself up over the things you can't do.

    Many big hugs
    Trisha
    xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.