Any advice please


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Please can anyone give me any advice on how to get my mum to wee!!!
Following an assessment at the continence clinic it is pretty clear mum holds it in all day......and only when she is asleep ,relaxed in bed ,does she empty her bladder....
I have tried reminding her,taking her every 3-4 hours,sitting her on the toilet...all to no avail!!
Mum is still in "army" mode from 60 years ago when they weren't allowed to go as and when they felt like it!!!
She flatly refuses to try to wee......gets mad with me and says she'll go when it's time!!!!
I want to avoid her getting a UTI but it all seems pretty hopeless at the moment!!!
Getting a sample from her on Tuesday morning also seems pretty impossible at the moment!!!


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
So the problem is won't rather than can't, Wendy? Any tips I've heard relate to situations where "can't" is more applicable. I guess this is a control issue (as in "I'll do what I want" rather than bladder control). Will she wear continence products? I assume reasoning (as in "if you don't urinate this and this and this will happen") is pointless? I have to say, this sounds like a toddler, although with a toddler eventually they'll learn that it is to their disadvantage. Disn't the continence clinic have any suggestions?

So, no real suggestions, I'm afraid, but you have my sympathies. My Mother is only incontinent (slightly) when she's ill. She'll use continence products to start with, but wakes up, thinks "what's this?" and takes them off. The habits of a lifetime kicking in, I suppose.



Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya wendy,
Pour gallons of fluid down her - what about eating foods that are diuretics - run the taps in the bathroom when you sit her on the loo. Sorry can't think of anything else.
Love Helen

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Refusing to toilet

Various things that have sometimes worked with my mother are keeping her on the toilet as long as possible, running the water (that doesn't really seem to work but I'll do anything) and getting her to lean over as far as possible. This puts pressure on her bladder & apparently will help empty it properly.

I found out fairly recently that most UTIs are caused by stale urine in the bladder as the person doesn't empty the bladder completely. I was so surprised! I had thought UTIs were mostly bad hygiene & sitting around in wet (as in urine) clothes.

Isn't it just astonishing the things we take completely for granted (having a whizz), which turn out to be more complex than we ever realize?

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Wendy

When I worked with Autistic children, one little girl just wouldn`t wee, even though we gave her lots and lots of liquid thoughout the day. When I lost contact with her, aged 9, she was still in nappies, but the nappies stayed dry all day and every day.

When she got home, she`d stand in a corner and let it all come away.

I became really anxious about this, worrying she`d develope an infection, but the family doctor said she would come to no harm. She didn`t. I`m not for a minute saying your mother won`t get a UTI, just that it never happened to this little girl.

It also made me wonder if there was any relationship between the brain damage of Autism and that of AD.

As for getting a sample, I`m sorry I can`t help. Can the Medics give any advice?

Take care.. Grannie G


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Wendy sorry can not be of any help

Mum is still in "army" mode from 60 years ago when they weren't allowed to go as and when they felt like it!!!
Why was they not allowed to go 60 years ago ?

So at night time does your mum let you put incontinent pads on her or does she just wet the bed ?


Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Hi Wendy

I'd go with the running water - don't have the tap gushing, just let it be trickling - it always works for me - usually when I don't want it to:eek:



Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hi All
Thanks for all your advice
I think this morning I was so down about it all I had to post the thread!!
I've had a bit more success today....mums been twice!!!
Jennifer...yes the problem is won't!!....putting myself in her position I suppose I wouldn't like to be "put to the toilet"....even though I do it in a sensitive way.....make sure she sits,then stand outside and listen.....conjures up a great picture doesn't it!!!Trouble is as soon as my back's turned....she's off!!!! On the two occasions she headed for the loo today I set off after her in hot pursuit,ear against the door and....success!!
and yes....I've reasoned with her.....told her she'll get an infection,end up in hospital....her reply...."GOOD!!!!"
Helen and Joanne...tried the gallons of fluid....throws them away!!!tried the joy!!!......what I haven't tried is getting her to lean as far forward as possible....never thought of that!!....and I think I'm paranoid about UTIs....never knew about the not completely empty bladder....again this makes sense!
Grannie G....this sounds like mum!!!completely dry during the day......soaking wet tena pants when she wakes up ...if she keeps them on:(
Margarita....I have absolutely no idea why they weren't allowed to go to the loo when mum was in the army (the ATS)!!!....but whenever we talk about toilet habits the reply I always get is....".I've got a strong bladder....I was in the army you know!!!!":)
Libby......Always works for me too!!!:eek:
I'll see what tomorrow brings.....the nurse said try to get a sample for Tuesday morning....if not don't worry......I think she could tell I was stressed....the last time I had to take one it took 2 days for me to succeed!!!
Thanks again all


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I don’t know if any of you remember that in the past I said my mum was leaking wetting herself now and then because she could not make it to the loo in time or would hold it in to long then it would all flow out all over the place .

You all thought it may be a urine infection so did the nurse at the doctor, so I tried really did to get a urine simple as mum wee in the toilet I gave up after 2 weeks

For got about it as it stop, mum leaking, then the weather got hot mum got tried & stated to urinate her self angina . Then angina I tried to get urine simple still could not do it. Then when mum fall up the stairs had to go to the hospital , I got mum to do a urine simple (then blood test ).mum stood up I held bowel under her and it flow in to bowel

Then when the tests came back lo and behold :eek: mum did not have urine infection :) just to mum glucose in her urine and showing that her kidneys are a littlie damaged.
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Registered User
Aug 18, 2006
I'm very new to this whole AD things and reaing post to see what I might hve to contend with later on. However I did wonder if a reward might helpif she performs?


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
Hi Wendy,

This may not be appropriate for your Mum but would she respond to being tickled? I was thinking that sometimes when people laugh they let go involuntarily. If nothing else it may make her forget about being determined to 'hold' it for a vital few seconds. Goodness this thread has had me crossing my legs a few times! :eek: :)


Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
Hiya Marra
Either you've been expelled (as i said you would be!) or you've been messing with your control panel, but can't get any messages through!
Speak soon

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