Anxious before going to bed

[vwgolf]

Hi everyone. This is my first post so hello to all you wonderful folk out there. Can someone help perhaps through having a similar experience? My husband is 62 and I'm 60. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers when he was 57. He has no short term memory. His cognitive abilities are very limited. We usually go out, somewhere, most days. He eats well and often sits with eyes closed in an armchair in our kitchen diner looking out into the garden. I try to get him involved in whatever I'm doing ….emptying the dishwasher, peeling spuds, whatever. He wont hear that he has dementia or Alzheimers so we don't mention by name. When he speaks of 'getting worse' I hug and say whatever is happening in his head we will tackle together. Someone from AS did come around 2 weeks ago to gently explain changes (spoke of disease of the brain) and we both agreed he isn't wanting to accept.

Until very recently he was happy to go to bed around 7.30pm and slept sound until 10am. Things have changed ….. whilst he now says he is going to bed at a similar time he regularly comes down during the evening (in various states of undress). He appears confused, upset (very regularly mostly about not being able to drive anymore and having no car) but also about going back to work, retaking his driving test and then seems angry about someone but I cant fathom out who or what (and I don't try too hard to help here). Rather distract. I offer a hug, cup of tea, reassurance but he invariably goes back upstairs only to come down again in 10 mins.

He recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is exactly the right weight for his height and as I said, eats well. Last nights anxiety was its worst and after 10 up and down stairs, I still couldn't console him sufficiently and didn't know what to do. He eventually did sleep but what a horrible experience for him....and me. Can anyone offer help here? Thank you

 

[marshal]

Hi everyone. This is my first post so hello to all you wonderful folk out there. Can someone help perhaps through having a similar experience? My husband is 62 and I'm 60. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers when he was 57. He has no short term memory. His cognitive abilities are very limited. We usually go out, somewhere, most days. He eats well and often sits with eyes closed in an armchair in our kitchen diner looking out into the garden. I try to get him involved in whatever I'm doing ….emptying the dishwasher, peeling spuds, whatever. He wont hear that he has dementia or Alzheimers so we don't mention by name. When he speaks of 'getting worse' I hug and say whatever is happening in his head we will tackle together. Someone from AS did come around 2 weeks ago to gently explain changes (spoke of disease of the brain) and we both agreed he isn't wanting to accept.

Until very recently he was happy to go to bed around 7.30pm and slept sound until 10am. Things have changed ….. whilst he now says he is going to bed at a similar time he regularly comes down during the evening (in various states of undress). He appears confused, upset (very regularly mostly about not being able to drive anymore and having no car) but also about going back to work, retaking his driving test and then seems angry about someone but I cant fathom out who or what (and I don't try too hard to help here). Rather distract. I offer a hug, cup of tea, reassurance but he invariably goes back upstairs only to come down again in 10 mins.

He recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is exactly the right weight for his height and as I said, eats well. Last nights anxiety was its worst and after 10 up and down stairs, I still couldn't console him sufficiently and didn't know what to do. He eventually did sleep but what a horrible experience for him....and me. Can anyone offer help here? Thank you

 

[marshal]

Hi and welcome to this site. This may be not the reply you are waiting for as I cannot give you any answer that will be the easy fix. As i read your post it could have been my OH that you were writing about. I have been struggling with the same issue for the last few weeks and I know how difficult it is. OH issues are all about not being able to drive, not wanting to be in this awful place even though we have lived here for 34 years etc. Anger and frustration always . As for the other person his anger is directed at... that of course is the earlier me, as I seem to morf into many faces during the course of the day. I have found my only chance of keeping things calm at the moment is to give him total attention and to be smiley and kind and to not ignore him for a second. If my mood slips or I get involved in a job at all and happen to turn away for a short time for any reason it is definate that I will pay for it later as I have become one of the "others". This problem is exhausting because it usually comes with the wandering during the night and wide awake at 5am. Sorry my friend for not being of any help to you but I feel for you , this horrible illness affects any one near and not just the poor person with the diagnosis. I will be keeping an eye on your post to see if anyone has any good tips ,we could do with some. Take care and again sorry I don't have a solution.

 

[vwgolf]

Hi and welcome to this site. This may be not the reply you are waiting for as I cannot give you any answer that will be the easy fix. As i read your post it could have been my OH that you were writing about. I have been struggling with the same issue for the last few weeks and I know how difficult it is. OH issues are all about not being able to drive, not wanting to be in this awful place even though we have lived here for 34 years etc. Anger and frustration always . As for the other person his anger is directed at... that of course is the earlier me, as I seem to morf into many faces during the course of the day. I have found my only chance of keeping things calm at the moment is to give him total attention and to be smiley and kind and to not ignore him for a second. If my mood slips or I get involved in a job at all and happen to turn away for a short time for any reason it is definate that I will pay for it later as I have become one of the "others". This problem is exhausting because it usually comes with the wandering during the night and wide awake at 5am. Sorry my friend for not being of any help to you but I feel for you , this horrible illness affects any one near and not just the poor person with the diagnosis. I will be keeping an eye on your post to see if anyone has any good tips ,we could do with some. Take care and again sorry I don't have a solution.

 

[vwgolf]

Thankyou Marshal. Its hard isn't it? At least my husband sleeps well.....once he is asleep. I spoke to him about 'feelings' and we agreed the word as being 'disappointment'. You're right in what you say about wearing many hats and faces during the day and that the 'neediness' is exhausting. Lets see if anyone else has any useful guidance.

 

[Grahamstown]

Many of the traits you describe @vwgolf are similar to my husband’s. I haven’t solved the problem but a few weeks ago I wondered if our small television would help. He gets restless downstairs with me while I am watching or listening to something, and cannot follow. We didn’t use it and it sat in the corner of my room, so I fixed it up for him and now when he goes to bed early and comes up and down, up and down I suggest that he has his TV on. He likes the news or I check if there is something he would like, and it seems to settle him. It happened tonight, just as I describe and he was better.

He too thinks that he is perfectly well and has nothing wrong which is very far from the truth as he is quite ill and doesn’t think he is.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @vwgolf, welcome from me too. I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc. You may find the factsheet about anxiety etc useful as many behaviours are cause by this. My wife is treated for that as well as her dementia. Here's the link to that specific Factsheet PDF printable version

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[vwgolf]

Many of the traits you describe @vwgolf are similar to my husband’s. I haven’t solved the problem but a few weeks ago I wondered if our small television would help. He gets restless downstairs with me while I am watching or listening to something, and cannot follow. We didn’t use it and it sat in the corner of my room, so I fixed it up for him and now when he goes to bed early and comes up and down, up and down I suggest that he has his TV on. He likes the news or I check if there is something he would like, and it seems to settle him. It happened tonight, just as I describe and he was better.

He too thinks that he is perfectly well and has nothing wrong which is very far from the truth as he is quite ill and doesn’t think he is.

Thankyou! You've given me an idea! Will put cd player in bedroom and quietly play a favourite cd. Does really watch tv but this might soothe. Thankyou

 

[marshal]

Thankyou Marshal. Its hard isn't it? At least my husband sleeps well.....once he is asleep. I spoke to him about 'feelings' and we agreed the word as being 'disappointment'. You're right in what you say about wearing many hats and faces during the day and that the 'neediness' is exhausting. Lets see if anyone else has any useful guidance.

 

[marshal]

Hi again to VWGOLF. Over the last few days I have been giving OH camomile tea. It came about by chance as I just came across it in the supermarket. As you will know anything is worth a try if there is half a chance it will help at all. To my surprise things have been a lot calmer with OH . Now this may just be coincidence (who knows). He is still having delusions about various things and is still confused at different times , but his anger,anxiety'and frustration has subsided . Altogether a lot easier to handle and live with. Could be that I am getting better at handling things but I really do think it has had a beneficial effect to OH . Worth a try if your OH likes Camomile Tea!

 

[vwgolf]

Hi again to VWGOLF. Over the last few days I have been giving OH camomile tea. It came about by chance as I just came across it in the supermarket. As you will know anything is worth a try if there is half a chance it will help at all. To my surprise things have been a lot calmer with OH . Now this may just be coincidence (who knows). He is still having delusions about various things and is still confused at different times , but his anger,anxiety'and frustration has subsided . Altogether a lot easier to handle and live with. Could be that I am getting better at handling things but I really do think it has had a beneficial effect to OH . Worth a try if your OH likes Camomile Tea!

 

[vwgolf]

Thanks Marshal. Worth a try! Husband much more settled this week. Have been having music on the kitchen diner during the morning and not the small tv. He sits by the patio door (in the sun) and the music seems to settle and spark some conversation. With this in mind have put ipod on speaker and play this from the spare bedroom but just enough to be gently heard …. its helping as not so up and down bedtime! Thankyou.....much appreciated

 

[Grahamstown]

Very interesting about the camomile tea and I am going to try it. He is especially restless after about 5pm and a cup of that is worth a try. I have the radio music on in the mornings and leave it on for him because I believe it calms him and fills his mind.

 

[Grannie G]

He recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Just a note in case you are unaware @vwgolf. If blood glucose levels are not well controlled it can affect confusion in people with dementia and diabetes.

Be sure your husband`s blood glucose is monitored regularly. I was really careful about monitoring my husband`s glucose levels and diet but his dementia affected his diabetes which made it much more difficult.