Anxiety about going away

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Vix321, Sep 17, 2015.

  1. Vix321

    Vix321 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015
    So, I'm due to be going away with my friend for a long weekend - leaving in the next couple of hours.
    Mum's got carers set up, relief carers set up, family visiting this weekend, but I am stricken with guilt and nerves that something dreadful is going to happen while I'm away.
    I've been feeling this way since booking the break, but it's come to a bit of a head last night & this morning (I guess as the trip away became more imminent)

    I am being ridiculous because everyone looking after her is competent, I will be contactable by phone, I'm not leaving the UK so worse comes to worse, I could travel back relatively easily.
    Mum would want me to go away - and if she was well, she would tell me to stop being so stupid!

    Argggh, how do I get over myself? I want to enjoy this much needed time away without the fear of 'what-ifs' hanging over me.
  2. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    this is easy for anyone else to answer, but nothing will stop you being anxious. First time I left mum, I felt exactly the same - couldn't switch off, constant worry. I had given my sister full instructions but still felt things would be so difficult. well I needn't have worried. things were just the same when I came back. Mum even said - 'have you been to work' like I had never been away.

    I did learn from that. Firstly my sister is competent enough to take my place and to try not to worry if you have cover in place.

    You need a break! I know I do. I am off to Mexico for two weeks on Monday and feel confident (I have been away a few times now - but never abroad) that things will be okay without me. Its hard I know, but as long as you have support then you must try and enjoy yourself. Have a lovely time - and you totally have no reason to feel guilty. Take care xx
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    You have adequate care in place so please just pick up your bags and go. Enjoy your weekend, relax and do what you want to do. If there is a problem then you are contactable so until then, but fingers crossed you aren't, enjoy.

    If you fret and worry the break will do you no good and the opportunity will have been lost.

    Have a great break and come back and tell us all about it:)
  4. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    I know how you feel.
    Since Mum was diagnosed with AD July 2013, we have had 1 week away Oct 2013, 1 week in Oct 2014 overseas, and going away this month for 1 week down our South Island, which is a bit like London to Paris. We can only go away during our school holidays.

    I think in the beginning my anxiety was worse, but strangely as Mum has declined, my anxiety about going away has lessened. Maybe its because by now I realise how badly I need that break, as does my husband and children. I still get a case of the "what ifs" though. :rolleyes:
    My parents live in their own house behind ours so its pretty much 24/7.

    We never tell Mum now we are going until about 2-3 days beforehand but back it up with my sister taking her & Dad to her holiday home which she enjoys, all be it unfamiliar.... this I feel may be the last time Mum goes away on a break like this.

    I am sure your Mum will be fine. :) You have plenty of support and can be back if easily if needed. If it helps write things down, as to the support you have and by who, and when etc
    Have a great time :D
  5. Allypally52

    Allypally52 Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    From the other comments I hope you now realise how common it is to feel as you do, and all the more so as the date you're leaving gets near.
    I was just like you a couple of weeks ago when our daughter got married and we had to leave dad with frequent carer visits for 2 days for the first time as dad only has a morning visit usually to get him up and dressed. My husband copes much better than me so I kissed dad goodbye and told him I loved him and whilst away we gave the carers my husband's number to ring in an emergency and I deliberately left my phone at home and told myself that no news was good news!! I was expecting a big grumble from dad afterwards as he thinks he can cope on his own and we left him with the impression that one of the nice ladies who he sees every morning might pop in now and then to see if he needed anything, rather than frequent visits to feed him and put him to bed. But dad never mentioned anything about it, as he'd obviously no comprehension of how many visits he'd had. It was another matter when the bill came though!!! But we managed to circumnavigate that one eventually!!
    I do so hope you can enjoy your trip and get a bit refreshed for the journey ahead as I'm sure you need it!
  6. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Go and enjoy your break knowing you've done everything you can for her care. You will feel better on return, and don't keep thinking what might be going on - if they need you they'll call you.
  7. Dunkers58

    Dunkers58 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    I empathise completely, I felt exactly the same and even do when planning a couple of days away in this country. As others have said it is so important to get away. hope you manage to enjoy your break. how envious of people I am when they can book something without having to put a plan akin to a military operation in place !

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