antidepressants and major tranquillisers

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Michael E, Jun 7, 2006.

  1. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Just want to run by the forum the present problem and see what people think? I am too close to her to really judge properly - this is the note I am thinking of giving to her doctor tomorrow if I make an appointment:
    Monique is now very very aggressive.
    She shouts and screams at me to leave the house.
    She does not know who I am.
    She thinks I am the gardener and am stealing the money of her father.
    It is becoming very difficult to cope with..
    She threw my lovely new glass carafes and other items on the floor to break them because I locked the front door to stop her wandering the streets. In the end I had to unlock it and she went - the local cafe owners wife brought her back


    I had to let her out again so I spent an odd half hour tailing her through the streets of La Rochelle - shaking hands with neighbours who thought I was out of my tree or we were having a domestic - Following someone in the streets is harder I discovered than John le Carre makes out!!! Some of Monique's screams and shouts are pretty impressive.... I do suspect 'some' of them are intended to be but I did not fancy my chances if she started doing that in front of the milling tourists...

    Went to have a look at the relevant fact sheet on drugs which said that antidepressants and Major tranquillisers were not something to rush into...

    I stuffed a couple of TIAPRIDAL down her and an hour or so later she calmed down... I have quiet a large supply of these. Not quite sure what is my next move... Head out to the doctor tomorrow with the above note or give it a bit longer? The carer who does showers has had a hell of a time the last couple of visits - failed once and with help from me and my 'pathetic' acting succeeded but in the face of considerable aggression..

    I know Connie has just been through something similar - but she's on hols... I do not want to do something precipitous but it is difficult to cope with but I am not absolutely certain I should blow this particular whistle --- or just use the TIAPRIDAL to make life easier.. for both of us...

  2. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Michael
    in my opinion i think I would go ahead and see the doctor ....
    I've had similar escapades with mum but that was after major change(moving in with us in April)
    I know it was a while ago but do you think your "respite" has anything to do with this? It may have unsettled her as you've always been with her until then and from previous posts Monique seems to have declined more quickly since then....
    My brother used to have to follow mum....he used to feel terrible and very conspicuous....!
    It doesn't seem so bad a woman following another woman but on the couple of occasions I've had to do it I have felt as if people are watching me.....
    Sorry I can't be more help
  3. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Michael

    Just when I was feeling down and freaked out by my visit to mum at lunchtime, I read about your life. I visit my mum twice a week and it's only for about an hour each time. I honestly don't know how you live with someone who is not the person you fell in love with, but has turned into someone who is aggressive.

    My first instinct is to say get yourself to the doctors straight away, but obviously, I'm not in the same position. But if you have something that calms Monique down, then give them to her and don't beat yourself up about it.

    Sorry it's not much help.

  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    And therein lies your strength! Judging anything in life when we are emotionally involved is dodgy, non? I'm so far removed from your situation I can't really offer anything on a 'practical level' , except to say I always wonder when I read your posts at how you remain so positive and good-humoured about your situation, marvel at it and aspire to it! Thank you!

    There is a time to say although no-one can 'know' our loved one as we do, there is a time to say we don't always know what is best for them (on some levels) and have to 'hand over' to some one who is not only qualified but impartial to make that judgement.

    I think there is also a time to consider the impact on the carer as well as the sufferer, which indirectly could have a greater impact on the sufferer should carer become 'unable' to continue 'caring' as they would wish. (not sure if that makes any sense?!) What is the alternative for you and Monique if you don't take medical advice and accept what might be prescribed? What might be gained from 'delaying' a consultation? Is it a bad thing to consider that we have both a right and a responsibility to look after ourselves, too?

    Oopps, sorry, that was more questions than answers... just wish I had them for you, (As not Qs!)

    Thinking of you, love, Karen, x
  5. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Thanks guys - the aggression disappeared following the medications I prescribed but is now coming back having eaten dinner - can't be bothered to wash it up = put it in the machine....

    The awful thing is I am more sad about the decanter that I was given only a few weeks ago and really liked than...... It's not worth much but I really liked it! I just fear there may be a touch of revenge floating around inside me... Bit ashamed of that!
  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi michael,

    just wanted to send you my best wishes, my dad is going through something very similar with my mum at the moment in that she thinks he's a stranger, although she hasnt become aggresive it with more frightened and agitated, we made the decision with the input of the CPN and social worker to take her to hospital to the EMI ward to see if it gets any better, she hasnt had any more episodes in the short visiting times we're there so were going to try and have her home for a weekend,
    i know how this is affecting my dad and i just wanted to send you a {{{hug}}} hope your able to sort something out
    take care
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Michael,
    I think if I were in your situation I would go and have a conversation with the doctor; it may be possible to find something that reduces the aggression without 'deadening' too far - you have to consider that it may also make Monique feel happier, it is not solely for your benefit.
    You do have to think about yourself too; I am conscious that you are very isolated in your caring for Monique; I was able to dash over to my dad's if things got too much for him.
    I think the only word of caution I would offer is that if Monique does start on an anti depressant or tranquilliser, be conscious of when it may be the time to stop it - she may only require it to get you both through this patch.
    Can you replace the decanter ?- nothing wrong in being saddened by its destruction - I bet you were bloody fuming when she did it! Revenge? OK, if the carafe hadn't been broken, would you have been thinking about the medication; or is it not revenge for the breakages but that you are made to look silly, humiliated, made to feel powerless?
    I'm waffling. Take care.
    Love Helen.
  8. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Yer the decanter can be replaced - not even that expensive - had really nice engraving on it and I got a lot of 'fun' out of pouring wine from it rather than a bottle - It is just that I 'suspect' Monique knew it pleased me and used that knowledge... I was not even in the room when she threw/dropped it on the tiled floor! What am I doing talking about a decanter???? Crazy!

    It has just been such a hell of an afternoon - day - a bit relentless and I am a bit tired... not sure about
    Moi? Silly? is the pope a catholic? Seriously as I hid behind pillars and boards, following Monique down the street, (after the nice Irish landlady of the cafe brought her back after the first jaunt) I felt very odd... The spy who came in from the heat! Neighbours from the businesses along the street looked at me and muttered 'Les Anglais' rather sadly and the guy begging on the corner did not even ask for dosh as I hid behind an ice cream sign... terrified that if she saw me she would start screaming and demand I give back all the money I have stolen from her and her father!!! I would have been truly humiliated then - so I remembered to turn my back and watch her reflection in the shop window... So I eventually followed Monique to the front door - shaken but not stirred!!

    Probably will take her to the doctor tomorrow - I will sleep on it... I am a little uncomfortable with prescribing big doses of the drug when I really know so little about it and the effect appears to take time to arrive and does not last long..

    grateful for all the replies - really helps this forum

  9. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    Hi Michael,

    Sorry to hear that things with Monique have become more difficult lately. Do you think her hallucinations regarding your identity have become worse since you were away for a few days in hospital?

    The drug that you mention, TIAPRIDAL, is supposed to be an anti-psychotic which is used to treat delusions and aggression. It sounds like a trip to the doctor to review the use of medications is a very good idea.

    You do such a great job of putting a comical touch on the story of tailing Monique, that it's almost possible to not truly appreciate how frustrating and frightening it must have been. It must have also been frustrating and frightening for Monique - thinking that you are some man who is out to take her money.

    I would really be as honest as possible with the doctor tomorrow. It can be quite a balancing act to get the medications right in such a situation. Has there ever been any suggestion of admitting Monique to hospital while they try and sort the meds out?

    Take care,

  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    I agree with Sandy....even though you're going through such a bad time you still manage to keep your sense of humour....for goodness sake don't lose that whatever you do.......!

    Stay cool:cool:
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hi Michael,
    I am so sorry for your troubles. You know if you put Monique on a drug, it is ok. If it doesn't work, take her off and if it improves things than woohooo!!!! It isn't likely to do irreparable damage. My Mom is on antianxiety meds and it has helped. Doc said to start on low dosage and increase if needed. You don' t want to dope them up into oblivion but if it helps to calm them and make your life easier then DO IT!!
    The decanter........well, we have to find pleasures in little things so it is ok for it to bother you. Get another one !

  12. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    A quick thank you - the messages were very helpful... what a difference a night makes! Monique descended briefly this morning having spent the night in a guest room, pulling her sweater down over her crutch and with all the sweetness and light in the world asked me where her cloths were (beside the bed) I gave her the morning drugs and some cafe and she retired back to the guest bed - happy smile - no memory of being the 3 ladies from the beginning of the Scottish play rolled into one!!
    The fact she chose to sleep in a guest room meant I got the good bed to myself - could not be awakened by snoring or 'visitors' in to pass the time of night! great.

    Re-read the doctors prescription (here they write out the dosage etc and you keep it not the chemist) and he actually said to double the TIAPRIDAL if it got difficult.. so that's my next move - Night and Morning instead of just morning - for a few days then review the situation....

    All of your posts really helped last night and this morning - really do need people with 'experience' to bounce it off..

    love and thanks

  13. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    #13 Lynne, Jun 8, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2006
    Typical male!!

    :rolleyes: When all else fails - READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!

    Glad things are better for you today Michael, fingers crossed. (As Norman says, "day by day")

  14. Rosalind

    Rosalind Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    Goodness Michael what an awful time you have been having, although the picture of you lurking round corners following Monique is a bit Pink Pantheresque.

    And I think you are right to suspect that Monique knew you liked that decanter, and therefore picked on it.

    I think it is terribly hard to judge when medication is working if you are there all the time. My husband has had his anti depressants doubled, as he was showing dreadful anxiety symptoms. He now has barely a sweater that is in one piece, as he fiddles and twists the ribbing on the left hand side until it makes holes and then ladders. I showed this to the psychiatrist, who promptly upped the dose, but am really not sure he is much better. It certainly has not stopped the constant need for a loo the moment we are away from home, which I am certain is anxiety related.

    His latest behaviour thing is putting on weird clothing combinations. The other day he put one shirt on over another, and this morning a t shirt over a long sleeved shirt. He then comes and asks if he looks alright, so probably has an idea it is not quite right, but gets very irritated when I say he looks peculiar, and why not wear the t shirt under the shirt.

    As for the deck shoes recently purchased - he WILL keep weaving the laces down into the bits running round the shoe, and then hoiking them upwards before tying them. Goodness knows why - but then why do sufferers make things so much more complicated than needs be? I asked him to put some garden waste of a large, woody and uncompostible nature, into the council wheelie bin we have labelled 'Garden Waste Only'. He put some into the compost bin, and some into the dustbin. Only the Garden Waste bin was left empty.......


  15. daizee

    daizee Registered User

    Mar 31, 2006
    Broken Hill, Australia
    Hi Michael, I know you've had heaps of good advice already, but if I could just add one thing, My Gill went through this and I did the' following him' thing, trying to pretend to all that I was just out walking, anyway the thing is it is just a stage, the hardest one I found ,but it will pass. As for medication, I tried to avoid it at all cost to prevent Gill from being slowed down but in the end realized that the time had come to choose between him living an active nightmare or a slower but calmer life . And as you and your wife are a team, as Gill and I were, you have to get that balance where you both can survive this illness , as you say 'you win some you loose some' in this case 'you gain something, you loose something' The only thing that worked was Haraperidol (or serenase as also called) , for Gill, but that problem ceased a while ago now ,and as I said , it's just a stage, it will pass............Stiff upper and all that ....................Cheers Daizee
  16. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    HI Michael, glad things are brighter for you today.... just one thought.....

    Could she perhaps have realised how much alcohol you were wasting keep transferring from one vessel to another???? Perhaps you could look on it as having done you a favour!!!!!;)

    Love, Karen
  17. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hi Michael - hope you have had a better day and hopefully some help from your doctor. So far I have not experienced the sort of behaviour you explain and feel guilty that I sometimes get at the end of my tether for quite different reasons. (this am with temperatures around 25 David was in heavy cardigan heat on up to 30 and a blanket around him as he was cold!!!!!!! When I suggested tea in the garden he said it was too hot!!!!

    It is interesting to hear the feedback and I am taking notes about the different drugs that are given.

    From your description of following Monique around I feel you are in for a big part in some private detective film!! David can hardly walk now so it is unlikely that I shall experience the same sort of thing.

    Best wishes and hopefully this phase will be fairly short if not sweet. Beckyjan
  18. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Michael
    Hope the day went ok for you
    Let us know how you got on....

    Mum is putting loads of layers of clothing on at the moment....I try and subtley advise mum what to wear and she takes notice up to a point but as the day progresses extra layers are added....makes me hot just looking at her....seems to be fairly happy though,if a little sweaty....!
  19. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I think there is a place for medication in AD. You will simply have to monitor things carefully (which you already do, no worries there) and proceed slowly. As you probably know, my mother is on an anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, AD drugs and a back-up quick-acting anti-psychotic for those days straight out of "Psycho". And she needs to be. Once, we tried reducing the anti-psychotic, reasoning she was doing so much better. BAD IDEA!!! We quickly got the dose back up.

    Monique will be happier when her moods are more balanced. She can't be enjoying her life being at the mercy of the moods brought on by AD. You will be happier when she's happier. It's a simple equation. Plus, giving her care will be easier. My mother hardly ever runs naked out of the bath now. no longer giving the 3 old men in her unit a great thrill (sad for them but oh well).

    So I would have a detailled discussion of her behaviour with the quack. Is he an AD specialist or the local sawbones? As long as he/she listens to you, it doesn't really matter.

    Hang in there & keep us posted

    P.S. As Lynne suggested, a picture of the tackle would be fun.
  20. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Today has been so much better it is unbelievable - mind you I have doubled the dose of TIAPRIDAL - as Lynne says when all else fails - read the instructions...

    Did not go to the Doc's -- very nice man - 'handles' Monique very well but none the less a 20 minute interview with my French - can make myself understood ok but sometime the nuance escapes me - or I imply more or less than I intend... Anyway my plan is to 'monitor' the situation with the increase in drugs (within the prescribed limit) for a few more days - there is a 2 monthly check up scheduled for 4 weeks time so ....
    Anyway thanks for all the concern and posts...


    When it gets a little darker I am going to take a photo with my digital camera of my tackle and post it in the Tea Room - which I still think should be renamed the 'Wine Bar' ..It appears to be a subject of some interest to members of this forum and I am delighted to oblige - trouble is my computer skills are somewhat limited in this area - could someone explain in 'pix for idiots' ter,s how I post a pic please?

    Love and in anticipation


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