I'm struggling with anticipatory grief, even though my dad is still here, and even though we can still talk and laugh and cry together. I'm terrified of what's to come and I'm already grieving the part of my father that is no longer here. We are talking about him, how we need to get a geolocation app installed on his phone, we need to talk to him soonish that he can't drive or travel by train on his own anymore. I come from a close loving family and we support each others, my brothers and mother. I have an incredible husband and amazing friends, my best friend is actually a doctor specialised in rehabilitation & geriatrics whose support is invaluable to all of us.
But the grief is overwhelming. My amazing sweet-natured, hilariously funny and wise father. If there is one word to describe him it's 'love'. He is so much love. Always thinking about others, never wanting to upset others and just always so much love. I feel guilty about not having visited him and my mother enough over the last few years, guilty about living so far away from them. I cannot stop crying and I hate it. I cry at least 20x per day and it is debilitating. The worst is; he's still here. I can still call him, visit him (which I do, as frequently as possible considering I do not live in the same country, although covid sucks). I enjoy my time with him, and do not cry in front of him. I don't want him to be upset, to go through all of this. And I don't want to say goodbye yet, not even a tiny bit. I'm not ready to see him slip away in the fog. Does anybody have advice on how to deal with these overwhelming feelings of sadness?
But the grief is overwhelming. My amazing sweet-natured, hilariously funny and wise father. If there is one word to describe him it's 'love'. He is so much love. Always thinking about others, never wanting to upset others and just always so much love. I feel guilty about not having visited him and my mother enough over the last few years, guilty about living so far away from them. I cannot stop crying and I hate it. I cry at least 20x per day and it is debilitating. The worst is; he's still here. I can still call him, visit him (which I do, as frequently as possible considering I do not live in the same country, although covid sucks). I enjoy my time with him, and do not cry in front of him. I don't want him to be upset, to go through all of this. And I don't want to say goodbye yet, not even a tiny bit. I'm not ready to see him slip away in the fog. Does anybody have advice on how to deal with these overwhelming feelings of sadness?