1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Mr J

    Mr J Registered User

    Aug 31, 2015
    2
    I apologise if this doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm running on adrenalin.

    I live with my 64 year old father. In the last 3 years it has become more and more apparent he's got early onset dementia.

    Last year he suffered a mental breakdown. He became paranoid, erratic, and thought people were ignoring him. That culminated in a visit to his GP, who prescribed anti-depressants. The change was remarkable, and I hoped he might stay on the pills for ever, but no such luck. When I arranged and collected (he forgot) his last RP, they said he'd need to see the GP again before they can do any more prescriptions. He decided he was better (well yes...) and won't go back and see his GP.

    That was 8 weeks ago. Since coming off the pills he's back to his usual angry self.

    Today, events took a dangerous turn when he decided it was a good idea to defrost the freezer using a can of anti-freeze. It didn't work, the ice was too thick, and he spent the next three hours chipping it off by hand. I offered to use a hair dryer to melt the ice, but he ignored me and continued hacking away at it like a man possessed. He's always right, you see.

    Normally he turns the freezer off for a day and lets it thaw. After doing that for 64 years he now decides to use anti-freeze. It can only be the dementia.

    I can just about cope with his other symptoms but I draw a line at him potentially killing us both. I've emptied the contents of the freezer into the bin. He can't understand why I had to do that, or why spraying anti-freeze in a confined space where food and ice cubes are kept is dangerous. A tiny drop of that stuff can kill.

    We've just had a huge argument about it, whereupon he jabbed his finger in my face, raised his voice, and told me I'm the problem not him. It's his house and he'll do what he likes. He suggested I move out if I don't like it, but for various reasons I can't do that right now. He alternates between "needing me here" and wanting his own space. Whenever I talk about moving out he gets very upset. Mum walked on us 30 years ago so there's no one else to look after him and I feel obliged to stay and look after him even though he's unwittingly robbing me of what should be the best years of my life. :( Sometimes I think he enjoys it...
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    Hi Mr J

    Welcome to TP, sorry to read of yours and your Dad's plight

    Get onto the GP as soon as possible, can you send a copy of your post? maybe. Maybe the GP could suggest he can't just take him off the tablets without seeing him as it could be detrimental and get him back on them as they seemed to be helping.

    It sounds like dementia and am sure he doesn't enjoy making your life difficult its just that his is very difficult and he's no way of dealing with it.

    Keep posting, wish you all the best in getting GP help

    Sue
     
  3. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    Some of your dads problem is probably due to suddenly stopping the anti depressants straight away and not weaning himself off of them. Reducing the dosage a little each month is the proper way to do the withdrawing process, so his body has gone into overdrive without its usual supply.

    Could you not get the doctor to pop in or telephone for a chat, after you yourself have explained the situation and the problems you are having. Even a letter handed in to the GP may help. Follow that up with a phone call to ask his advice.

    Keep a diary to show the GP if you have to, so you can illustrate the facts. Try to get your dad to the GP on a pretence ie now you are 65. It's a thing doctors do to make sure you are ok Dad kind of routine. If not then Definetly get GP to call, as he hasn't renewed his prescription and he wondered how he was. GPs are used to these type of situations. Good luck.

    Do you know that if he needs assistance he can apply for attendance allowance so that mat also help him to accept GP help.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Hi Mr J, welcome to TP
    Take your post and e-mail it to his GP, print it off and stick it through the GP's door or whatever it takes so they know what's happening. Phone your local Social Services there will almost certainly be a 24 hour emergency line so you can do that now and ask for an assessment for a potentially vulnerable adult then they have to respond.
    Do whichever you think is best but do it now, please.
    You don't say where you are so I can't give you the number but if you google something like "social service emergency then the name of your local authority" you should find a number that way, I did where I live and found a number for the "Emergency Duty Team" first hit.
    Anti freeze is normally ethylene glycol of some sort and very poisonous don't use the freezer. don't eat the food in it.
    Then strap yourself in for a bumpy ride, keep posting J we're all here ready to listen.
    K
     
  5. Mr J

    Mr J Registered User

    Aug 31, 2015
    2
    Thanks everyone for replying. He takes ibuprofen every day for headaches, and has done for two years now, and alcohol makes the headaches worse. He used to drink every day. Makes me think it could be a brain tumour or something else causing his dementia and headaches?

    He still won't accept there's a problem. I don't know what else I can do. If I contact his doctor or anything he'll just tell them what he said to me.
     
  6. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,163
    There comes a time, when you got to do, what you got to do!
    I fear your time has come.
    Do as others have advised. Talk to his Doctor.
    You both need help, unless you do the talking, nobody will hear.

    Bod
     

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