another week on

[dave b]

and i'm still thinking about permanant care for mom!
seen the sw & she has been as good as gold,given me 3 places to look at locally
1 is recomended by people who have had reletives who have been there & no comlaints + thats word of mouth to me ,i dont think they would give me b*ll S **t
prob is moms been great for 3 out of 7 days this week ,how mutch longer do i look for the good nights & ignore the bad one's & get complaints at work for being stroppy?

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Dave

I know there are others who won't agree, but I have to say if your looking out for the good days (as opposed to having mostly good days) perhaps the time has now come. I think a lot of us do wait until we hit rock bottom before going the nursing home route, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea, either for our loved ones or us. The whole thing is insidious: at what point is too much "too much" - reprimands at work, official warning, being fired? You know this point is almost certainly going to come, why not do it now when there (may) be some potential for your mother to adapt to her new living arrangement and while YOU still have a career left? Yes you could leave it for a bit longer, but at what price? Would your mother, if she were well, really expect you to go to any lengths to keep her at home? I doubt it.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but I do think we can get wrapped up with the "keep them at home at all costs" while ignoring the reports that we see here that allowing someone else to deal with the nitty gritty can actually give one more energy to enjoy the loved one's company.

Jennifer

 

[dave b]

thanks jennifer, i know what you'r saying is probably right,
i'm probably in denile, things at work arn't too bad
small co bosses have been through the same prob, so i have a fair bit of leeway
the good days tend to be the weekend but is that because i havegood support from friends & GET OUT TO FOOTBALL . threbye vent my frustration
i know it is!but your right must get serious
dave x

 

[Taffy]

1 is recomended by people who have had reletives who have been there & no comlaints + thats word of mouth to me ,i dont think they would give me b*ll S **t
prob is moms been great for 3 out of 7 days this week ,how mutch longer do i look

Hi Dave,
Recommendations from others that have relatives in a care homes I feel has a huge bearing on decision making. I know if someone approached me about the home where mum is I would be up front and tell it, as it is. I would point out the positive and negative side. What ever you decide I hope it all works out well. Regards. Taffy.

 

[Nell]

Dear Dave,
I am one hundred percent in favour of what Jennifer says. The problem with waiting for the "last straw" is that we have no way of predicting when it will be or what form it might take. If you suddenly got ill because of the stress, your Mum might be rushed off to the first available place (not necessarily one you would choose) WITHOUT you to help her settle, and that would only make you feel worse!!

If you can choose a good place (take into account what Taffy says - nowhere is perfect unfortunately) and help her settle, she may well make a good adjustment. This is particularly so if she still has some "good days".

I know what a terribly difficult thing this is to do, but "grasp the nettle" and know you are doing the best for HER sake, as well as your own.

Every best wish.